When you blink do you only find the misery weighs down your eyes?
Chapter Fourteen
Shay's POV
A few hours later
I was sitting in the waiting room in the hospital with Sean. I was biting my nails to the blood and sobbing uncontrollably. I couldn't help myself. I killed him. How could I live with myself? I started crying even more.
"Shay, Shay. It's gonna be okay. I'm pretty sure Cieran's going to make it. He only cut 2 veins."
I was hysterical and couldn't even talk "I...kil-killed him. I-I'm an awful person!!"
He started rubbing my back. "You didn't kill him this isn't your fault. He attempted suicide."
I looked up at Sean. "Cier-Cieran knows what I did and. And he got mad. And he tryed to kill himself and it's ALL MY FAULT!!"
He sighed. "Seamus..."
I started screaming. "I WENT TO BLANCA'S HOUSE TO HANG OUT AND WHEN I LEFT WE KISSED AND CIERAN SAW AND HE TRIED TO KILL HIMSELF AND IT IS ALL MY FAULT."
Sean just sat there, absent minded. "Oh my god, Shay. I warned you about this..."
I cut him off. "I KNOW I KNOW NOW MY BOYFRIEND'S ATTEMPTED SUICIDE AND HE'S GONNA BREAK UP WITH ME AND HE HATES ME AND... I want to die."
Sean looked up at the ceiling. "Look, we all make mistakes. Maybe you can try tell Cieran what happened. Maybe he loves you so much he will forgive."
I glared at him. "I wouldn't even forgive myself."
A young brunette nurse walked into the waiting room.
"Mr. O'Neil? Mr. Way is ready to see you now."
I looked at her. "Cieran's awake?"
She smiled. "Yes"
Sean nudged me to go and I took a deep breath and went. Cieran was sitting in a hospital bed and his arms were bandaged up. He looked at me.
"Cieran?"
"Yes?"
"I'm so sorry I fucked up. But you shouldn't forgive me. I'm a bad person. I fucked up your entire life."
He smiled slightly. "No you didn't. But you are right I shouldn't forgive you..."
I started crying uncontrollably again. I couldn't even breathe. I finally understood now why people cut or killed themselves. He looked at me, quizzically.
"Shay...."
I ran my fingers through my hair. I tried to talk to him in hysterics.
"I'm.....Sorry....About.....That."
He still gave me that same quizically look. "I think you do mean it when you're sorry. I think you understand now."
I bit my lip. "Ye-Yeah"
He smiled. "I will give you a second chance. But we're going to have to start all over again."
I smiled. "Thank...you....I......love.....you"
"Mmhmm."
I touched his face and he smiled. He looked down at my nails.
"Jesus Christ, they're bleeding"
"Yeah...I....Know........I....Bit.....Them."
"Why?"
"Nervous...Habit."
He kissed every finger and my breathing slowly came back to normal.
A few hours later
I was sitting in the waiting room in the hospital with Sean. I was biting my nails to the blood and sobbing uncontrollably. I couldn't help myself. I killed him. How could I live with myself? I started crying even more.
"Shay, Shay. It's gonna be okay. I'm pretty sure Cieran's going to make it. He only cut 2 veins."
I was hysterical and couldn't even talk "I...kil-killed him. I-I'm an awful person!!"
He started rubbing my back. "You didn't kill him this isn't your fault. He attempted suicide."
I looked up at Sean. "Cier-Cieran knows what I did and. And he got mad. And he tryed to kill himself and it's ALL MY FAULT!!"
He sighed. "Seamus..."
I started screaming. "I WENT TO BLANCA'S HOUSE TO HANG OUT AND WHEN I LEFT WE KISSED AND CIERAN SAW AND HE TRIED TO KILL HIMSELF AND IT IS ALL MY FAULT."
Sean just sat there, absent minded. "Oh my god, Shay. I warned you about this..."
I cut him off. "I KNOW I KNOW NOW MY BOYFRIEND'S ATTEMPTED SUICIDE AND HE'S GONNA BREAK UP WITH ME AND HE HATES ME AND... I want to die."
Sean looked up at the ceiling. "Look, we all make mistakes. Maybe you can try tell Cieran what happened. Maybe he loves you so much he will forgive."
I glared at him. "I wouldn't even forgive myself."
A young brunette nurse walked into the waiting room.
"Mr. O'Neil? Mr. Way is ready to see you now."
I looked at her. "Cieran's awake?"
She smiled. "Yes"
Sean nudged me to go and I took a deep breath and went. Cieran was sitting in a hospital bed and his arms were bandaged up. He looked at me.
"Cieran?"
"Yes?"
"I'm so sorry I fucked up. But you shouldn't forgive me. I'm a bad person. I fucked up your entire life."
He smiled slightly. "No you didn't. But you are right I shouldn't forgive you..."
I started crying uncontrollably again. I couldn't even breathe. I finally understood now why people cut or killed themselves. He looked at me, quizzically.
"Shay...."
I ran my fingers through my hair. I tried to talk to him in hysterics.
"I'm.....Sorry....About.....That."
He still gave me that same quizically look. "I think you do mean it when you're sorry. I think you understand now."
I bit my lip. "Ye-Yeah"
He smiled. "I will give you a second chance. But we're going to have to start all over again."
I smiled. "Thank...you....I......love.....you"
"Mmhmm."
I touched his face and he smiled. He looked down at my nails.
"Jesus Christ, they're bleeding"
"Yeah...I....Know........I....Bit.....Them."
"Why?"
"Nervous...Habit."
He kissed every finger and my breathing slowly came back to normal.