Everybody Cares, Everybody Understands

“What is this?” Margot asked as I handed her a copy of the temporary order of protection.

“I need you to have a copy for now. It’s an order of protection from Lucas,” I said totally composed. I watched Margot’s shocked face read over the document.

“What does this mean? What happened?” Margot asked with her mouth still agape.

“It’s been a lot of stuff, but he came into the bar I was at on Saturday and hurt me physically. He’s not allowed with in a hundred yards of me, so if he comes in here you can call the police,” I tried to smile at her to ease her shock.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” She got up and leaned over her desk to hug me.

“I told HR and I didn’t want you to worry about it. I mean, you knew a little, but I didn’t tell you the extent.”

“You should have told me. I can’t tell you how many times I let him into your office for you or forwarded the call. I’m sorry,” Margot apologized and hugged me again.

“Margot, you didn’t know. I didn’t want you to feel awkward and I still had to do my job. You were awesome,” I said letting her go.

“Okay, well if you need anything let me know. I’m here,” She smirked a bit as she sat down.

“Thank you. I really appreciate that,” I said as I skimmed the top of her desk with my hand and made it into my office.

I unlocked my office and walked in a bit hesitantly. I looked around to see if anyone was waiting for me because I was crazy, but I wouldn’t put it past Lucas to lock himself in my office to wait for me, which is exactly why I needed a restraining order in place. The coast was clear and my heart rate slowed down and I walked in to the office. I put my bag down on the ground and took off my coat and hung it on my coat rack and then picked up my bag and sat behind my desk.

Everything was so weird today. Nothing was missing or out of place in my office. Margot was the same. And Lucas was not here, but it seemed weird. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but I didn’t have a good feeling in my stomach. I wanted to relax. I wanted to feel at ease now that Lucas wasn’t around to bother me, but something just felt off. I could almost see Lucas barging through my door in the middle of the day today, angry as can be. He would definitely yell at me in the Lucas way; a low growl with clear intent. I could see it flashing in my head and maybe it was the fear getting the best of me or maybe it was going to happen. I don’t know why I couldn’t settle down. I was safe. I was out of having to deal with Lucas for a while. I needed to relax. Take a deep breath Sadler.

“Are you going to turn your computer on?” I heard someone ask me and I realized I had just been staring at my computer for the last half hour. I looked in the doorway and it was Meg.

“You forgot your planner on the kitchen table. I saw it before I left this morning and thought you might need it,” She smiled and came into the office and set down my planner on my desk.

“Thank you,” I smiled at her.

“Do you want me to turn that computer on for you?” She laughed.

“No, I’m fine,” I rolled my eyes at her. “I was just in a daze…thinking,” I felt scatterbrained.

“Maybe you shouldn’t have come back so soon?” Meg said in a motherly tone, that she rarely, if ever used. She was a straight shooter and never minced her words.

“I’m fine. I just need to stop over thinking things. I just need to feel safe instead of feeling like this triggered an even bigger backlash. It doesn’t matter if I’m here at or at home…I have to confront it sooner or later,” I said frankly.

“True. Well, if you need anything call me. I’m off to Long Island for some stupid party we’re doing. They called me in to oversee this rookie’s work because Laura decided she was sick today. She’s not fucking sick, believe me!” Meghan ranted sounding overly annoyed.

“What’s the party for?” I chuckled. She got so worked up.

“Tommy Hilfiger is doing a private showing at his house. It’s small, so normally not what I do, but I started out where Laura was, but seriously she is not sick and this is not a good look for you if you want to move up,” She spouted. I couldn’t help but laugh.

“You’ll be fine and you’ll get to look at clothes. You love clothes!” I encouraged her.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” She waved me off. “Please call me. I love you and if you love me you will do that one thing, okay?”

“I’ll call you ever other hour or so to show you my deep love and affection for you,” I said dramatically and clutched my heart.

“You’re too kind. Talk to you soon,” She blew me a kiss and hurried out of the office.

Meg really helped to refocus me and I finally turned on my computer and got to work. I had a lot of e-mails to return. Yesterday was the first time I’ve ever allowed myself not to answer work e-mails on my blackberry. I was somewhat of a workaholic at times, but my blackberry didn’t help because I felt the need to respond to e-mails as I got them, but yesterday I didn’t answer a one.

I sorted through my e-mails and started answering them and when I finished that it was two in the afternoon. Time had flown by and I had kept my mind on other things than the restraining order. I picked up my phone to call Meg and see how she was doing.
“She better be on her deathbed that’s all I’m saying. Also, I left you at nine and its two now. What happened to calling me every other hour?” Meghan spouted out of breath as she answered.

“Why are you out of breath?”

“Because Laura didn’t tell me that she had ordered trees for the décor and they were delivered yesterday when no one was here and now we don’t have a crew to come back and move them. So, I just moved ten huge potted trees from the top of his mile long driveway into the backyard where the party is. Thank God I put a change of clothes in the car and dressed like a scrub this morning,” She was fuming.

“I’m sorry. You kept me distracted though and for that I’m thankful. I’m sure that the party will also look amazing!” I said excitedly, hoping it’d make her feel better.

“Well, that’s something right?” She said nonchalantly. “What are you doing?”

“I just finished catching up and now I’m talking to you. I have to go see Mary at 4 today and then I’ll head home,” I told her as I relaxed back into my chair.

“Sadler--” Margot started as she came through my door and then stopped when she saw I was on the phone and mouthed “sorry.”

“Hold on one second,” I told Meg and covered the phone with my hand. “What’s up?” I smiled.

“I’m sorry. I’ve got a delivery for you can I bring it in?”

“Of course. I’m just taking a break and talking to a friend, so you’re not interrupting,” Margot smiled and left the doorway and returned shortly with a box and a huge bouquet of flowers resting on top of it.

“Here you go,” She said shyly and set them down on my desk before leaving again.

“I got some flowers and a package,” I gushed.

“Can you tell your husband to talk to mine please,” Meg teased.

“They could be from your husband too, you never know,” I stood up and looked for a card.

“That wouldn’t surprise me,” She laughed and I found the card.

“Okay, opening the card. I’m going to punch him,” I laughed as I read it.

“What does it say?”

“I’d drop it on a dime. If you need anything or want me to come home, please just say the word. I love you, Gabe,” I laughed at him quoting himself.

“Send me a pic of the flowers! I bet they’re beautiful. Gabe has great taste in flowers. What’s in the package?” She asked anxiously.

“Hold on,” I laughed and cut through the wrapping and tape to open the box. “Just what I’ve always wanted—my own set of brass knuckles!” I laughed as I went through the package.

“Diamond studded?”

“I wish, but no. Also, mace, a pointy key ring that apparently from the package can be used to harm an attacker…” Meg just laughed. “I got a pocket knife, a rape whistle and a package of hot tamales with a note that says ‘Just because they’re your favorite,’”

“Seriously, have him call Rob and give him tips on thoughtfulness. You’ve got to be kidding me!” Meg shrieked suddenly.

“What now?”

“More fucking trees. Call me later, love you,” Meg was quick and hung up.

I put my weapons in my bag and set my flowers on a side table and took a picture on my phone to send to Meg. They were gorgeous. They brightened my day and put things in perspective for me. A simple act like sending the flowers and the protective tools just reminded me how lucky I was to have Gabe and that he loved me. I think that’s all that I needed.

Thank you for the weapons. Disappointed I didn’t get nunchucks, but I’ll deal. I love you. Have a great show tonight. I texted Gabe to thank him.

“Sadler?” I heard a voice from the doorway and I was startled a bit. I looked up from my phone and it was Mary from HR.

“Did I write down the wrong time?” I panicked a bit.

“No, no. I was just popping in to see how you were doing and see if you wanted to meet earlier,” She said kindly.

“Sure, come in.” I smiled and she shut the door behind her and took a chair in front of my desk.

“How are you doing?” She asked quietly.

“I’m okay…Can I ask what happened with Lucas or can you not tell me?”

“That’s part of why I’m here. With Lucas, they served him yesterday late afternoon and he came into my office. He was pretty calm about it. He admitted what happened and that he seemed to be genuinely sorry and distraught about it all. Lucas, obviously wanted to talk to you and apologize for everything, but he’s not allowed. That doesn’t change anything, I know, but I wanted you to know. We’ve put him on paid leave. He’ll be working from home and will e-mail me all correspondence that he needs you to receive and then I’ll send that to you,” She crossed her legs and scooted forward on her chair and placed her hands on my desk.

“Thank you. What will happen after the hearing? If they don’t extend my protection…he gets to come back?” I asked nervously. If Lucas was able to come back the awkwardness and uncomfortable atmosphere that was sure to cloud not only me and Lucas, but the department would probably be unbearable and I’d have to make a huge decision; to leave or stay. I was not looking forward to that situation.

“We’ll evaluate the situation when we need to. I was also wondering if you wanted to see our campus therapist to work through this. I want to make sure you’re okay and able to do your job as well,” She was very delicate when addressing me on the issue, which was both appreciated and annoying. I didn’t need or want a person walking on eggshells around me in regards to Lucas and everything; that’s the last thing I wanted.

“I’m actually okay, but I’ll consider it if things get too much. Thank you for offering that. This will not affect my work, I assure you,” I needed her to know that and not have this negatively affect me either.

“I never thought it would and I wouldn’t hold it against you if you did, but I also know how you are and I don’t want you to beat yourself up over it affecting you,” Mary said in a motherly tone. “It’s a lot to deal with, so if you need help it’s there for you.”

“I know. I’m trying to just process it all right now. It’s weird knowing he’s not here…because of me, you know? But, I’ll get through it. I appreciate you being here for me,” I gave Mary a weak smile.

“Of course. If you need anything else please let me know,” She smiled and began to stand up.

“I will. Thank you again,” I said and Mary paused with her hand on the door and gave me a sympathetic smile before opening the door and heading out.

The day flew by and I was excited to just go home. I needed a long bath to decompress and just relax. I grabbed my bag and put on my coat and headed out of the office.

When I finally got home the relief of the day being over was finally setting in. My body ached from all the anxiety and I just wanted to be inside my apartment to do nothing. As I took the elevator from the parking garage up to street level my phone started to ring, it was Gabe.

“Hey,” I answered with a smile.

“Sorry, it’s been crazy with radio and press today or I would have called you earlier,” He apologized.

“Oh don’t worry, boo. Thank you again for everything. You made my day,” I felt so much better now that I was talking to Gabe.

“I’m glad I could make your day. It still doesn’t make me feel amazing that I’m so far away from you with all of this going on,” He sighed. He was definitely backstage and I could hear crew members shouting and cases being moved.

“Nothing is going on, it’s all over,” I tried to assure him as I walked into the lobby of our apartment building.

“It’s not over…there’s still the hearing, which I again will be gone for.”

“Gabe, please don’t feel bad. I have you with me whether you’re here or not. I always feel supported by—oh hold on a second,” I got cut off by our doorman waving me over. There was a huge bouquet on the desk and I smiled. “Flowers are nice, but you don’t have to buy me a million bouquets to show you care,” I cooed.

“I only sent you the flowers to work, love,” He laughed.

“Then who sent me flowers?” I asked aloud and I came over to the desk. I smiled at our doorman and he pushed the flowers toward me with a nod because I was on the phone.

“Open the card. I bet it was Rob,” He laughed. “I swear if we hadn’t gotten married he would have made a move.”

“Who’s to say he would have been the one to make the first move,” I teased and grabbed the bouquet in one arm and made my way to the elevator.

“Probably true, you’re a little more aggressive. So, who are they from? It’s killing me that someone outdid me.”

“Hold on. I’m getting in the elevator,” I got in the elevator and put the vase down on the floor and picked out the card. “I don’t like this,” Tears immediately filled my eyes.

“What? Rob write something really nice. God, he makes me look bad every time!”

“No, no…” I trailed and picked up the bouquet and walked swiftly down the hall to our apartment. I didn’t say anything, because I just wanted to get into my apartment.

“Sadie, talk to me. What’s wrong?” He asked sweetly, but with a bit of panic in his voice.

“They’re from Lucas,” I sighed and tears just started to fall out of my eyes. I wasn’t sobbing, but just shocked.

“Are you serious? What did the card say? I’m coming home,” Gabe raged and it sounded like he was walking down the hall.

“You are not coming home. This is where the protective order comes in handy. Don’t you dare show back up here,” I laughed a bit. I didn’t want him to worry. I was really fine and had my friends to help me while he was on the road.

“You don’t want me to show back up at my house?” He scoffed. “What did the card say, Sadler?” Gabe demanded.

“It just said ‘my sister’s still missing,’ that was it.”

“This guy is a total creep. He’s trying to make you feel guilty, that’s fucked up!” Gabe yelled and I could hear Alex in the background asking him what was wrong.

“Please, stop. Don’t get mad. I don’t feel guilty any more…I’m not the reason she ran away. He’s trying to get to me, but he won’t,” I tried to regain composure and show him I was okay. I hated being totally weak in general, but especially when Gabe was away. I didn’t want to interfere with his job and what he loved. I’d deal.

“You are more important to me than being here. I want to be there for you…” He was calm again.

“You are here for me. You being on the road and doing what you love every day is what keeps me going. I am so happy when you are doing what you love and it’s what gets me through everything. And, I never feel like you’re away from me because we have great communication. Please, don’t make more of this than is necessary. You’ll work me up too,” I was calming myself down by calming Gabe down.

“Will you do me a favor then? If you really don’t want me to come home,” He said sarcastically. “Will you move in with Rob and Meg while I’m away? Or even Ian and Em, I’m sure they’d love for you to help with Levi,” He almost pleaded.

“I have protection if he comes near me, but I really think he won’t. He’s not like that…he likes to fuck with your head, like with the flowers and the notes and the way he phrases things. I’m not letting him win,” I was getting worked up again.

“That’s ridiculous, just be safe.”

“I am and I’m keeping my friends safe from it all too. You want me to bring this on Em and Ian and the baby? No way. And Meg and Rob already check up on me enough, it’s like we all live together. I got the protective order so you wouldn’t have to worry like this, so please just stop worrying so much.”

“I’ll stop worrying when Lucas is either in jail or far, far away from you. I just love you so much; you can understand why I’m worried, right?” Gabe asked sweetly.

“I love you too, so much and that’s why I don’t want you to worry. The teenage girls that love you are not going to be in love with you with gray hair, so stop worrying,” I teased.

“They’d love me if I had all white hair. I’m just that hot. If I had all white hair when we met I have no doubt it would have played out the same way.”

“I wonder if you’d be as cocky?” I laughed.

“The flowers I sent you were prettier right?” He exaggerated the word right to get me to say that his flowers were better, but they clearly were.

“Obviously, yours were all my favorites. It looks like Lucas got his at a gas station,” I didn’t care about Lucas’ flowers.

“Good. I want you to be safe, okay?”

“Of course. No plans on walking on a bed of nails today, no jumping out of planes or driving a racecar in my future,” I said seriously.

“Excellent. I want to be with you so bad…”Gabe trailed.

“We’ll be together in a few weeks, okay? And then Europe will be so much fun. I think because I’m missing the first four days of my trip I’ll be with you guys in Asia for a bit. I’ve never been! I’m so excited for that,” I went back to our bedroom instead of leaning on the bar in the kitchen and threw myself on the bed.

“I can’t wait to see you. One more favor,” He asked hesitantly.

“Do you want me to get a pitbull? I’ll get one and name him Mr. T because you don’t piti the bull…get it?” I laughed at my own ridiculous joke.

“Stop hanging out with Rob so much, please. The corny jokes are killing me. You used to be so witty,” He teased in a pleading voice.

“Fine, no more jokes. What’s the favor?”

“Will you just go on iChat and keep it on so I can watch you sleep? It’ll make me happy if you did that.”

“Of course, but if naked chatting is involved can you do it in your bunk because I don’t need Ry, Alex, Nate or Danny seeing anything they shouldn’t,” I smiled to myself as I talked to him.

“I’ll be keeping an eye on you in my bunk, naked or not, but naked would be nice. Make me feel better,” He sounded like a sick kid asking for a toy to lift his spirits. I just laughed.

“We’ll see what you come off stage to. Break a leg tonight. I love you,” I was so proud of him.

“Love surprises and love you.”

I went and grabbed my computer as soon as I hung up with Gabe and started everything up and just went about my routine. I poured myself a glass of wine and drew myself a nice bath. I brought the computer in to the bathroom and it was just Gabe’s bunk, which made me smile because there was a picture of us hanging up and a few of the cards I had sent him. There was also a picture of him drawn by a fan, which was really good. I missed him so much.

I relaxed into the tub and shut my eyes for a bit and then there was a knocking on my door. My heart raced and I sat up so fast that I knocked my wine out of the tub and all over the floor, thankfully it was white wine. I stayed still and waited to see if they went away. The knocking came again. I stayed frozen in the tub as the knocking kept up.