Everybody Cares, Everybody Understands

“This is much needed,” I smiled at Victoria as I sat back against the vibrating massage chair.

“Being on the road my toes have taken a beaten,” She sighed as she had her legs massaged.

“Thanks for letting me tag along on your pedicure play date,” There were also about 4 cute fans that had come with us.

“Of course. I’m so glad you’re here!” She squealed a bit.

“I haven’t even seen Gabe or the boys, but from what I’ve heard this tour has been insane for you. I admire you,” I half teased Victoria. “I don’t know how you deal with them sometimes. I know Gabe is the ringleader, but even I can’t handle him alone,” I laughed.

“Seriously, I have to make myself into a 13 year old boy or I’d go crazy,” She smiled.

“Vicky-T, what are you guys playing tonight? Any new stuff?” One of the fans that was on the other side of me asked.

“Well, I can tell you there is a new song, but I can’t tell you what it is, you’ll have to wait for it,” She said kindly. “But, what are you looking for us to play?”

“You definitely have to play ‘Kiss My Sass,’ it’s my favorite,” Another girl chimed in.

“We’re definitely playing that tonight,” Victoria smiled.

“You’re Gabe’s wife, right?” The girl next to me asked, but not too loud.

“Yeah, I am…” I answered. While I had the few fans that stood outside our apartment on occasion and were always sending us stuff, I didn’t have much interaction with his fans.

“You’re really pretty. Are you here for a while?” She smiled at me.

“Thanks,” I blushed with a bit of a laugh. “I’m here till they go to Europe and then I have some stuff and then I’ll go see them there.”

“That’s so cool! I want to go on tour so bad,” She gushed.

“I’m Sadler,” I said putting out my hand.

“I know…I’m Jennie,” She shook my hand.

“Well, Jennie, touring is fun, but I’ll tell you those boys torture Victoria, so I definitely could not be the only girl,” The woman started to paint my toes and I was excited to have them done and nice.

“I figured. They seem to torture her onstage too,” Jennie laughed.

“She’s a good sport. Are you excited for the show tonight?” I asked.

“So excited. This is the 20th time I’ve seen Cobra. I love them. I drove two hours with my friend Anna,” She pointed to a girl on the other end of the row and we both waved. “She loves your husband.”

“That’s crazy. I remember I drove like 3 hours to see Guns and Roses with my friend, who was obsessed with them. I thought they were alright, but seriously, we drove 3 hours and she still talks about it today. You gotta do what makes you happy and maybe I can convince Gabe to come say ‘hi’ to you guys if you wait out by the fence,” I told her quietly. “But, just between us girls, okay?”

“Of course! Thank you! She’ll be so excited!“ Jennie tried to keep composed. I just smiled at how excited she was.

My toes were finished and I went to sit with my toes under the drier. As I sat and read a magazine Victoria joined me and then my phone started to ring. I pulled it carefully out of my purse so not to ruin my nails and answered it.

“Hello.”

“Hi Sadler, is now an okay time to talk?”

“Actually, can I call you in like an hour? I’m sorry to keep delaying this. I just need to be…you know,” I said quietly as I started to get surrounded by more girls and Victoria was eyeing me, she probably thought it was Gabe or something.

“Don’t worry. Call me in an hour.”

“I will. Talk to you soon,” I said and hung up my phone before dropping it back in my bag.

“Who was that?” Victoria asked curiously.

“Oh, just a friend. Didn’t want to be rude and talk on my phone,” I said uneasily.

“Good because this is about pampering and relaxing!” She winked.

After another half hour we settled up at the nail salon and headed back to the venue. I hadn’t even seen Gabe yet. Victoria was in need of major girl time and picked me up from the airport. I was willing to be there for her not only because I love her, but because I can’t imagine being the only girl on the bus. I have been the only girl on tour before, but I was thankful it was only for short periods of time. I wouldn’t have been able to handle it; they lived like slobs and didn’t care; that wasn’t for me.

Victoria and I made our way inside and back to their dressing room. They had sound check in fifteen minutes, which was perfect so I could make the calls I needed to make. We walked into the dressing room and no one was in there so we walked out toward the stage and the guys were just hanging out.

“Hey!” Gabe said excitedly and sprung to his feet and practically skipped to me.

“I missed you,” I sighed and threw my arms around his neck to kiss him.

“I missed you too,” He said between kisses.

“Get a room!” Alex yelled at us.

“We’re gonna do it in your bunk!” Gabe yelled behind him and kissed me again.

“Hi Alex,” I laughed and Gabe swung me around and set me down to face Alex.

“Hey Sadler,” Alex smiled as he threw on his bass.

“Sadie!” Nate waved as he played with his drum kit.

“Hi Nate!” I smiled.

“And the best for last,” Ryland teased and gave me a hug.

“Obviously!” I hugged him tightly. “I’ll let you guys sound check. I gotta call Meghan and let her know I’m here and fabulous,” I laughed.

“We’ll be just a half hour and then you’re mine,” Gabe winked and smacked my ass as I walked off stage and past Victoria.

I made my way backstage and shut the door behind me. I pulled out my cell phone and hit redial on the phone.

“Hello?” She answered.

“Hi, Julie…” I said nervously.

“I’m glad we can finally talk,” She stuttered.

“Me too. I don’t know what you think and if you’ll hate me for what I have to tell you about your brother, but I really think he needs help,” I was shaking a bit and had to sit down.

“I want to know. All I know is that when Sam left he wasn’t himself. He moved back to New York to start over…I begged him not to go. I wanted him to stay because he wasn’t right. I mean…I wasn’t supportive of the whole relationship and all, but he was trying to make things right and for that I was proud of him. Sam was a good girl, but she had a lot of issues and I think that in the end it was good that she left…You must think I’m terrible for saying that, but as a mother myself…She did the best thing,” Julie rambled nervously.

“I’m glad that we’re on the same page as far as Lucas needing help. He clearly never healed after Sam and the pressures must have gotten to him…but it doesn’t excuse what he’s done to me and my life,” I mustered the strength to be strong. Part of me did feel bad for Lucas, but that’s just who I was, but part of me just needed to take care of this situation.

“Nothing can excuse it. Courtney told me some. She’s back here now with me and Lucas is out on bail…I’m not sure if you knew that…” Julie trailed.

“I did. I got a call from my lawyer before I left. We have a hearing for both the restraining order and about this last incident on the same day now. Is Courtney okay? Where’s Matthew?” I wanted to vomit I was so nervous. I got up and started to pace.

“Courtney took Matthew with her for a bit. Lucas is beside himself…It doesn’t matter either way, but you tell me what happened…from the beginning.”

“Well, to be fair in the beginning it wasn’t all him…” I was starting to choke up. Talking about that time in my life, while it didn’t keep me in bed all day and I wasn’t completely depressed, was still hard to talk about. I was a different person. “When Lucas started I was going through a really hard time. I had lost a baby at term and I was a mess. I didn’t know how to deal with it and I wasn’t letting anyone help me. My marriage was dissolving and then we started to get help…” I started to cry I had to leave the backstage area. I couldn’t let them come back any minute and see me like this, so I left the room and went to the side of the venue near the buses.

“When Lucas started, he gave me attention and deep down I really liked it. I never acted on anything nor did I ever give him the impression that I wanted him…in fact while I liked the attention…most of the time I felt uncomfortable. I told him repeatedly to not touch me the way he did in public. He’d put his hands on my like we were dating and just crossed that professional line. That caused more tension in my marriage as well, he didn’t care if I was with my husband or not…he didn’t give up the act.”

“That does sound a bit like Lucas. When Lucas wants something he does everything to get it. I can’t believe he would go after you when you were married, that’s so unacceptable,” She said disgusted with her brother’s actions.

“I guess I can see why he thought it was okay to swoop in. My husband wasn’t the best during that time, but I had turned him away from me when I didn’t know how to cope, but I never stopped loving or wanting to be with my husband and I told Lucas that. He just didn’t want to accept that…”

“Nothing you did or your situations warranted him to try and come between you and your husband. Believe me, you seem like a really sweet, genuine person and this was not your fault. I know I’ve only been talking to you for like twenty minutes, but Court told me so much about you. She feels terrible too for all that happened,” Julie seemed to be extremely level headed and I was just happy she wanted to talk about this whole situation.

“Thank you. I know it’s not my fault…I just can see where someone would think they could step in, that’s all. After that and telling him to stop things were actually okay. I mean inappropriate comments here and there, but generally okay. Then one day he was talking to me about work as I walked to meet my husband who was picking me up from work and he just forced himself on me. He kissed me and then it all happened so fast, Gabe was out of the car and he punched Lucas and took me to the car…” I gulped a bit just thinking about that day.

“Gabe is your husband?” Julie asked to make sure she was following.

“Yes,” I smiled to myself thinking about Gabe for a second.

“Okay, so after that what happened? Was this before or after you found out that he was telling me and Courtney you two were dating?”

“This was after. There was just so much that happened,” I laughed a bit. I just kept thinking about how insane everything actually was.

“Then he got mad at Courtney and kicked her out?” She asked a bit hesitantly.

“Yeah, and I liked Courtney…I like her. She called me and I had her come to my place and then Gabe came home to surprise me and he was upset that she was there. Not because it was Court, but because of everything that was happening with Lucas and what if he showed up and he hadn’t been home…stuff like that. I’m sorry, I’m rambling…” I apologized I was talking so fast and rambling about insignificant details. “Anyway, she must’ve overheard Gabe lecturing me and left. I looked for her for a bit and called her cell. I figured she’d call me once she got wherever she was going. Gabe and I went out to meet our friends and that’s when Lucas came in and ripped me out of my seat and started yelling at me. I took pictures of my arm, which was bruised and all and went to get the restraining order, which apparently set both Lucas and Courtney over the edge…” I inhaled sharply, I had rambled almost all in one breath.

“Okay, I don’t know if I can take any more of how crazy and out of control my brother has been…I’m sorry,” She sounded like she was holding back tears. “Then he attacked you in your office and here we are now,” She sighed with a heavy heart.

“I’m sorry you have to hear all of this. I appreciate you even listening to me. I just think Lucas needs to get help and I am really afraid for Matthew—“

“There you are!” Gabe smiled as he swung open the back door. Girls near the gate started to scream and he just waved.

“I gotta go…I’ll call you soon,” I said quickly and ended the call as quick as I could.

“You okay?” He asked and held out his hand for me.

“Yeah, totally,” I smiled and Gabe pulled my hand and pulled me back inside the venue.

“No you’re not. You’ve been crying…what’s wrong?” He asked as he cradled my face in his hands and looked down at me.

“Just thinking about everything that’s happened in the past two years, that’s all…I’m sorry,” I whispered at the end and the tears pooled in my eyes.

“We’re still together though and I think better than ever, right?” He tried to be upbeat and he smiled goofily at me waiting for an answer. I just nodded. “Please don’t be sad,” Gabe said and kissed my forehead.

“I’m just sorry for all of it. I really am.”

“Shit happens and we got through it. No need to ever be sorry, okay?”

“Okay,” I sniffled. Gabe bent down and put his arms around my legs and lifted me up into his arms and held me tight.

“I love you. I’m glad you’re here,” Gabe whispered into my ear and I held him tight around the neck.

“Me too. I hate being away from you,” I sighed closing my eyes and letting the tears finally fall.

“Let’s turn the frown upside down and have some dinner with the bands?” He bounced me a bit in his arms like I was a child, but it helped and I couldn’t do anything but laugh.

“Of course, I’m starving!” I smiled at him and tried to get out of my funk and also stop thinking about Julie and finishing the conversation.

“Let’s go eat then,” He winked and laced his fingers with mine and took me back to the green room, where the others were waiting.

+++

“I’m sorry about earlier. I don’t need anyone to know we’re talking…for right now anyway,” I apologized to Julie. I snuck off when Cobra went on to finish my call.

“It’s okay. I understand. I just…what’s the point of all of this? For you? What do you want me to do with all of this.”

“I want you or Courtney to adopt Matthew and for Lucas to get help. I know what it’s like to lose someone and I know it takes a while for you to feel okay again. I get that. I know I made some really bad decisions when I was grieving. I just think he needs the time to heal. I am not going to excuse any of his actions or drop the restraining order, but maybe recommend to him treatment as part of his program?”

“Are you saying my brother should plead mentally unstable?” Julie shrieked.

“No, no, no,” I said quickly. “I’m saying he just say he would consider emotional counseling as part of the deal. In the end it will be the best for him and for Matthew and for you and Courtney too…” I don’t know why I was suggesting this, but I felt for him, I did.

I knew full well what it was like to feel like you had nothing. Like your world is so out of whack it’ll never get back to where it was before. I did a lot of things that were questionable when I was grieving, but I ended up getting help and I’m better for it. I still wanted him to feel the repercussions of his actions, but I also wanted him to deal with them in a health manner. I wanted him to finally face his demons, for the betterment of his life, his family’s life and for Matthew. I guess, I just felt for Matthew. When he told me about the cops taking him away in front of his son, it just struck a huge cord and I couldn’t let it go.

I just kept thinking about it. It took me over and I finally got a hold of Courtney and asked her for Julie’s number and that I wanted to tell her my side. She seemed like the leader of their group, as the oldest, and she was the glue. I wanted her to know what I was thinking and to show her that while her brother was reckless and ruined parts of my life, I could sympathize and I just wanted his child to have his father in the end. I know it’s crazy, but I just had to do it to make myself feel at ease, as selfish as that was.

“Would he get less time in jail?” She questioned.

“If he made progress in the program, yes. I probably shouldn’t be telling you all of this, but I asked my lawyer and he didn’t shy away from telling me…maybe he knew I’d contact you, but I just…I think we all deserve a second chance at life. We all make mistakes and stumble along the way…life isn’t fair, but sometimes we get a chance to make ourselves better and this may be his only shot…”

“I’ll consider it and let him know. I think it’s a good idea…Do you have a child now?” She asked hesitantly.

“No…but I never lost my motherly instinct. I just hope that you don’t hate me and I didn’t mean to tell you my side to upset you or anything like that, but just so you would know…” I kicked the ground nervously as I talked with her and traced the brick of the building with one of my fingers.

“I know. I appreciate it. I’m sorry you went through what you did. I’ll talk to Lucas…but I don’t want to continue this correspondence. Whatever we decide we will do in private…I hope you can respect that.”

“I do. Thank you. Have a good night,” I sighed and ended the call. I leaned turned and leaned my back against the building for a moment and just took a deep breath before going back inside to watch Cobra finish their set.

“Hey, where’d you go during our set? Were my moves too much for you to handle?” Gabe teased as he grinded his hips against me and then pulled me with him as the band went back to their green room.

“I had to run off and take a cold shower!” I teased playfully as Gabe grabbed a glass and started to make a drink with the alcohol that was on a table.

“Are you okay?” He asked me quietly as he handed me a cup too.

“I’m fine, I swear. I just went into the crowd to watch you guys,” I lied and went to sit on one of the couches that were in the room.

“How’d we look and sound?” Gabe asked as he pulled me into his lap.

“Well, you looked great. I couldn’t hear you guys though because every time you did a hip thrust or something the girls screamed causing me to bleed from the ears. Apparently, you still got it,” I said sarcastically and rolled my eyes at him.

“Never lost it,” Gabe said cockily.

“Never lost the cockiness, yes,” Ryland joked as he threw a towel at Gabe’s head.

I hated lying to Gabe, I really did. I just had some things that I needed to do on my own. I had to make myself feel better.

“Gabe, remember how I promised those girls you’d meet them. Don’t forget okay?” I smiled and leaned my head back on his shoulder as he rested his arm across my collarbone.

“Of course. Let’s have a few more drinks and then you can go get them and bring them here,” He kissed the back of my head and I was in heaven.

We sat around and had some drinks and then I went out to the buses to look for the girls I had met at the nail salon earlier. They were right where I told them to meet me. I pulled them out of the crowd and with me. The crowd that was waiting was not too happy, but most of them were just jealous and saying things like “They’re so lucky!”

I brought the girls inside and they got to meet the whole band. They all signed stuff for them and took pictures. I was always in awe of how great they were with these kids that looked up to them, adored them. The girls couldn’t stop squealing. They even wanted a picture with me, which was a riot. I took a picture with them and brought them back outside. They band couldn’t stay long to sign autographs and such, but they went to the fence to hang with the fans for a bit and I got on the bus.

The bus left shortly after because Cobra had an earlier call than Fall Out Boy because we sound checked earlier, etc. We got onto the bus and I curled up with Gabe in the front of the bus as Ryland, Nate, Victoria and Alex played video games. I just rested in his arms and he rubbed my back a bit. It was nice just to have this and nothing else to really worry about. I had the hearing, but I didn’t have my job to worry about and I could just focus on my marriage for a bit.

“Whose phone is ringing?” Nate asked as he scanned the table across from Gabe and me where all of our phones were charging.

“I think that’s mine!” I said and Gabe grabbed it from Nate.

“Who is Michael Travison?” Gabe asked as he looked at my phone. I shot up quickly.

“No one, just someone that I…I met at a networking thing,” I was totally caught. I was bad on my feet sometimes with lies. “You can silence it. He’s not important,” I smiled.

“Really?” Gabe sat up and ignored the call. He pressed some buttons on my Blackberry and he looked up at me with mixed emotions on his face.

“Really. Not important. What?” I asked taking a big gulp of my drink that was on the table.

“Why is he listed on your phone will calls all day today like ten times? You weren’t watching us, you were talking to this guy,” Gabe said angrily.

“It’s not what you think at all…it’s his wife that I talk to,” I said silently. The rest of the band tried their best not to act like they were uncomfortable or eavesdropping, but it was sort of hard when we were cramped on the bus.

“Oh really, what’s his wife’s name?”

“Julie, call her back. She’ll answer. It’s just his name comes up on caller ID when she calls from home and not her cell,” I relented.

“Let me call her then,” He said snidely and stood up to lean against the counter across from me. “Hello, is this Julie?” Gabe asked after a bit. “Oh it is. Is your husband Michael?...Yes…This is Gabe Saporta, have you been in contact with my wife and how does she know your husband?” He asked smugly as he stared at me.

“It’s Lucas’ sister, okay?” I whispered angrily to him as I got up off the couch. I went to our bunk and got in.

“I’m sorry to bother you. Did you want to talk to Sadler?” I heard Gabe say politely. “She wants to talk to you,” He was less angry, but still annoyed, which I expected if he ever found out and that’s why I didn’t want him to.

“Hey Julie, are you okay? Is everything okay?” I asked with a pit in my stomach.

“Yes, everything is okay. I just wanted to call and say thank you. I don’t think I said that,” She laughed uneasily.

“Thank you for what?”

“Looking out for me and my family…even despite everything that has happened. You’re a good person and Courtney and Matthew were lucky to have you…”

“I’m sorry about Gabe. He jumped to conclusions when I was a little sketchy about who you were. It shows up as your husband on the caller ID…” I started to nervously bite my index finger nail.

“I figured something happened where he found out. I understand that situation. Listen, I should let you go, but I wanted you to know that,” Julie was very genuine in her delivery and it made me feel good and at ease.

“Thank you. I hope you and your family are able to move on from this…you deserve a happy and healthy life,” I told her and she thanked me.

Gabe was waiting outside of the bunk waiting for me to get off the phone. I hung up and I got out of the bunk.

“Don’t say anything…I contacted her so that she could make sure that Matthew, Lucas’ son was protected. After Lucas told me about Matthew seeing him hauled off to jail I couldn’t shake that image out of my head. No child should see that and he deserves a chance at a good life, despite who his father is and the decisions he makes. I was concerned about him and I wanted them to know that, that’s all,” I said sternly.

“I’m just overly jumpy lately. I just want you to be safe and okay. I’m sorry I jumped to conclusions. I’m sorry…” Gabe trailed as he tucked my hair behind my ears and looked me over for an answer.

“You have anything to say about me contacting Julie?” I asked as I leaned into him and rested my head on his chest. Gabe wrapped his arms around my shoulders.

“No. You’re a mom…” He sighed and kissed my head. It was weird to hear him say that, but it was nice because I was for a short period a mom in the true sense of the word, but I’m sort of the mom of my friends too. I smiled to myself.

“I bet they regret letting me come on tour,” I laughed thinking about the rest of the group having to witness our spat.

“Nah, they’re used to me being an asshole,” He laughed as he squeezed me tighter.
“That is true.”

“Don’t worry Sadler…we were listening and we knew Gabe would be the one apologizing,” Nate said matter-of-factly as he grabbed another beer out of the fridge. I just laughed and let Gabe go to go back into the front of the bus.

That night it was a little hard for me to sleep because I wasn’t used to the bus, but just being with Gabe and not having to worry about him on the road or when I would be able to see him was peace enough. I eventually fell asleep on top of Gabe on the couch in the front of the bus.

“I’m going to crawl into the bunk…okay?” I told Gabe as I got up the next morning. He just grunted a bit and I went and crawled into the bunk. I wasn’t feeling too well. I’m sure it was a combination of drinking and sleeping on a moving vehicle. I passed out as soon as I got into bed.

“Sadler?” Gabe whispered and I could feel him caressing my hair.

“Yeah?” I yawned and rolled over to see him smiling at me.

“We’re gonna get food delivered to the venue, do you want something?”

“What time is it?” I asked frantically.

"It’s only 10 in the morning. What time did you get in here?” He asked confused.

“I told you I was coming in here…I don’t know what time actually. I could use food though. My stomach is upset. How you guys get drunk on this moving vessel and don’t feel sick I’ll never know,” I stretched.

“We’ll break you in. Don’t worry,” He smiled and I leaned over and kissed him.

I got out of the bunk and we ordered food. Things were interesting for my first night on tour, but I had nothing else to hide, so I am sure the rest of the tour will be smooth sailing; fingers crossed anyway.