When Forever Ends

Jealous! I’m fucking jealous! Of Jake! I’m fucking jealous of Jake? That’s something I can’t even stand! Being jealous of him because he’s dancing with Shayne. He makes her laugh. He makes her smile. I make her scowl. She’s only looked at me twice since I’ve been here. That makes me feel real fucking good about myself.

“Let’s dance.” Biza says hanging onto my arm. Dance? I can’t fucking dance while I’m in a mood like this. If I could pick one activity to do right now based on my mood it would be to die. I feel pathetic. I’m still in love with her after everything. After she let me walk away. After she never called me. After she refused to look at me. It’s not normal. I must have some sort of mental illness.

“I don’t wanna dance.” I tell her and slouch back in my chair. “Go dance with Kyle.” I say sending her away. My girlfriend...what a joke! I’ve never had a worse girlfriend in my life. She cheats on my almost daily and doesn’t even try to hide it...and I still stay with her. Just so I can say that I’m over Shayne. I’m not.

“Fine. Maybe I’ll fuck him in the bathroom too.” She snaps at me.

“He’d like that.” I say thinking it over, it’s not like I’d care if she did. I don’t care about anything she does. “Make it good, I think he’s still a virgin.” Biza stomps her heeled foot and walk away from me and straight to Kyle. When Biza starts to pull him toward the door he looks over at me and I shrug at him to tell him I don’t care.

The music changes and I watch longingly as Shayne dances with Gavin. I wish that I could be in his place, dancing without a caring in the world with most beautiful woman in the room. I can’t understand how she looks at him everyday and is reminded of how she got him. How can she look at him knowing his father could be out there doing what he did to her? I wish that Gavin was my kid, and not the bastard who raped her’s kid. He would be a symbol of love, not rape. He’d be the prefect mixture of me and her. He’d be something we share, something that would always bring us together no matter what.

“Hey Ace!” Marley greets me sitting down in this big white dress.

“Hey.”

“Come on! Cheer up!” She smiles at me. She’s always smiling. It’s normal for Marley to be having the worst day and be wearing a smile. So typically the day she gets married she’s extra smiley.

“I’m trying.” I say forcing myself to keep my eyes off Shayne. Sitting here wishing she loves me back isn’t going to get me anywhere. I don’t know what I can do to get her to feel the same way about me as I feel about her.

“Let’s go dance!”

“I don’t wanna dance.” I whine like a little kid.

“Hey! I’m the bride! You do as I say!”

“Go dance with your husband, I don’t feel like moving.” This dreamy looking smile crossed Marley’s face but that didn’t stop her from pulling me up from my chair.

“So, Vince tells me you’re expecting.” Marley nods in confirmation.

“I’m about two months.” She says with a smile.

“Congratulations, do you want a boy or a girl?” I ask. Ford is fucking lucky. I’m so fucking jealous of him. He’s married to the girl of his dreams, has a daughter, and has another kid on the way. Plus, he’s soaring in the fucking rankings as far as skating goes. Vince Ford is a lucky son of a bitch and I envy him.

“Thank you Ace, I don’t really care as long as the baby is healthy.” Marley responds with the typical response most pregnant women will give you. I couldn’t help but wonder if Shayne would want a boy or a girl. Probably a boy, she kind of hates girls.

We dance in silence for a few minutes and then Marley speaks again. “You know...she really does love you. She’s just having a hard time understanding that and accepting that. She’s just scared.”

“How can you tell?”

“Because, with Shayne you can tell when ever she calls someone a really mean name and then she crinkles her nose that she actually likes them. And every time she talks about you”

“She talks about?” I couldn’t help but let my spirits lift at the mention of that. She thinks about me! She talks about me!

“Of course...she loves you.” Marley says again. I like to hear it but I wish she’d stop saying it. Until I hear it from Shayne’s mouth, I don’t want to hear it all. “Don’t give up on her.”

“There is only so much I can put myself through.” I mumble it but Marley hears me anyway.

“I know. Just wait for her to come around...it’ll happen sooner or later.” and Marley released her grip on me as the song ends. I watch her walk away and mix into the crowd of people.

Hey! Open bar!