I'd Kiss You Goodbye If I Thought It Would Make You Stay

”There are many things that I would like to say to you, but I don’t know how. Because maybe, you’re gonna be the one that saves me. And after all, you’re my wonderwall.” - Oasis

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“Surprise!”

I’m speechless, because everyone’s here and I can’t believe we didn’t suspect this.

Then we’re all engulfed in hugs, and it’s like some sort of jumble of arms. William gets to me first, then I’m hugging Mike Sisky Butcher Pete Andy Joe Gabe Alex Vicky T Nate Ryland Jon Spencer Brendon Ryan Wes, and I’m still speechless and suddenly I’m pulled aside from the chaos and confusion of arms and well wishes. I realize someone hasn’t hugged me yet. He smiles at me before pulling me into his arms and then I’m trying not to get high on Michael.

“Congratulations,” he breathes into my ear as he hugs me tightly. “I’m so proud of you.”

I get goose bumps and I’m smiling like a crazy person, but I don’t care. He’s getting me a drink and I’m calm even though my heart is beating like crazy and I’m so glad I’m wearing the jeans that make my legs look longer and the top that flatters my figure-and he’s back now.

“How was your day?” he immediately asks, and I want to answer that he made it perfect, but that has implications I shouldn’t be considering.

“Great,” I smile instead. He flashes me one of his crooked smiles, and I just want to melt.

I find myself sticking to Michael’s side throughout the night, and although I feel like I should be talking to my other friends because I don’t see them as often, I can’t bring myself to stray away from him except to use the bathroom.

“Look,” he says suddenly, nodding towards the bar from where we’re sitting on a sleek black couch.

I see Suzie talking to Alex, and I laugh to myself because Mike’s trying to get her attention, but she’s always had a thing for Spanish guys, so he’s at a disadvantage there.

“Poor Mike,” I say, taking another sip of my drink. I’m not exactly sure how many I’ve had, but I’m only buzzed, so I don’t worry about it just yet.

Good thing Suzie and William are busy being social, otherwise they’d be telling the bartender not to serve me and Michael anymore.

“Check that out,” I point out, nodding towards Seb and Jude who appear to be competitively flirting with Victoria. I’m just glad Hayley’s not here to be victim number two; Paramore’s back in the studio, recording.

Victoria’s politely playing along, and I shake my head at them while Michael laughs.

“Do you want to go somewhere quieter?” he asks after a bit, although I’ve barely noticed how loud the music is until now. I nod, following him out and passing Gabe, Brendon, Butcher, Seb, Jon, Jude, and Sisky, who are all making fools of themselves on the dance floor, of course.

We walk straight past everyone in the public part of the bar and head outside, where the breeze lightly grazes my face, and we’re just walking down the street.

“Rae,” he says, abruptly breaking the pleasant silence. I look at him, urging him to continue without actually saying anything.

“I’m glad we’re friends,” he says, reaching over to give my hand a quick squeeze. He smiles crookedly in the way that I love and I have to smile back.

I don’t let go of his hand quite yet, and I don’t care if anyone on the street sees and recognizes us.

Friends can hold hands, right?

Because that’s what we are.

And he’s glad we’re friends and I’m glad we’re friends, but that little selfish part of me will only be glad when we’re more than that.

But for now, I’m on top of the world.