Broken Glass and Bleeding Hearts

It had been one of those days to add to the fact that it was a Monday and I was running on little sleep as it was. Sure it had started off fairly normal, Matt had insisted that he was picking me up for school like always and after growing tired of arguing I’d agreed, when we’d got there we met up with the guys and Star-which meant Kellan too now, and went on about our day. Then she walked in and wrecked the day time after time after time. “I swear I could snap her neck and not regret it right now!” I fumed as I stormed into my house that afternoon, Matt following behind me, and tossed my backpack onto the sofa.

“You’d regret it later.” Matt pointed out in a voice that I knew all too well from the years I’d known him. Either something was bothering him or he knew something I didn’t.

“Ha-ha, says who?” My laugh was cold, heartless, and empty. It shook me somewhere deep inside that I was being this cold, talking about killing someone and laughing that laugh that I hadn’t used in years. But then the image of her head and of her touching and flirting with Matt popped back into my head and my anger took over once again.

“Come on Ellie I think we both know you couldn’t kill someone and then just act like nothing. You aren’t that way and you know it.” He followed me into the kitchen and I let out another of the laughs I wish I could stop.

“If she keeps testing me then I might just have a mental breakdown. Do you think I could claim insanity?” I opened the door of the refrigerator in search of a cold beverage and found two bottles of water. I grabbed them both and tossed one over my shoulder at Matt because twisting the cap off the second one and taking a long gulp from it.

“Thanks. And no, you couldn’t. You are too sane to pull it off, sorry.” He took a long drink from the bottle of water I’d tossed him just as I spun around to glare at him. I could see it in his eyes, even though we was avoiding meeting his with mine, and that caused mine to narrow even more.

“Matthew Sanders,” I began, making him cringe at my use of his full name. “what are you not telling me?” I could see him avoid looking at me more and felt more anger that I didn’t even know I was capable of build up.

“Nothing.” He lifted the bottle of water to his lips and took another drink. I could see through the act he was putting on of being angry like I was and this fueled my rage more.

“Do not lie to me Matt,” My voice was laced thickly with the anger a felt as I spoke, the tone dripping from each word. “because I’ve personally had a shit day and I do not feel like being lied to. Especially not from you of all people.”

“Really it is nothing.”

“Fine then, lie to me.” I sat the bottle of water down on the counter and run up to my room in a fit of anger, that had been pent up all day long.

“Ellie! Wait!” I can hear Matt coming after me as I approach my room, seconds before running in and slamming the door harshly behind myself. In all honestly I don’t want to deal with this right now but more than that I don’t want to admit and feel what I am actually feeling inside-betrayal. Matt and I are supposed to tell each other everything, and now he is keeping secrets. Deep inside I know that this has something to do with her and something tells me maybe I don’t want to know.

I was pacing back and forth my room as I listened to Matt run up the stairs and take deep breaths outside my door, calming himself, planning what to say, waiting for the right moment to know. Or worse, burst through my door and make everything worse for the both of us. I take in a deep angry breath and open my mouth, just to tell him to leave me alone, but shut it the second I open it. Then he knocked. “Ellie please, I need to talk to you. I can explain this.” His voice drifts through my door and I freeze in my place.

“Just leave me alone! I don’t want to hear your crappy excuses for lying to me or keeping things from me okay?! Because it probably has to do with her and its probably that you secretly like her or like her incessant flirting!” My voice is thick with anger and comes out in a harshly loud yell as I proclaim my statement before sinking to the floor and wrapping my arms around my stomach as tightly as possible.

“How the hell could you think that?!” Matt’s voice is now angry too and its my fault. Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything in the first place, or maybe this is what is supposed to happen now. I gasp sharply as I will the feelings that aren’t anger to stay away from me. “Damn it Ellie I am in love with you and only you! Can’t you understand that! Can’t you just let me love you the way I do without worrying about me just deciding that I’m not going to just change my mind one day?!” And I hear him sink to the floor outside my door, only his voice hasn’t lost its anger.

“Not when you are keeping secrets or lying to me Matt! Because regardless of the fact that I know you love me you are still just a teenage boy!” I take a deep breath to steady my voice and make it sound angry again. “And face it she wants you in everyway possible.” I finish my sentence and let my head fall onto my knees that I’m now hugging to my chest. I didn’t even bother looking up when I hear Matt open my door and walk in.

“What did you just say?” I look up and meet his pissed off gaze and feel a bit of fear sliver through my body. I’m not sure why though. Matt may have a reputation for being an asshole sometimes but I know that he would never hit any female, much less hit or hurt me. “Ellie what did you just say?!”

“You heard me!” I jumped to my feet not even paying attention to what I was doing anymore, I was just acting on impulse.

“How can you even say that? You know that I am not that way! And I am sure as hell not interested in her in that way or anyway! I’m not him Ellie! Okay I am not the piece of shit! I though you knew that I’d never pull that on you and fu-” Matt stopped his speech when he sees that the tears have found a way out and are leaking down my cheeks. “Oh god, Ellie.” His voice reduced to a whisper instantly and I see the shame on his face.

“Just leave me alone.” My attempt at faking a strong voice fails miserably and even I can hear it, so instead I just looking down. I can’t take this right now. “Just go Matt.” I close my eyes but then feel his arms wrapped tightly around me.

“Oh god Ellie, I’m so sorry. I wasn’t thinking.” I can feel him kiss the top of my head lightly and I get that feeling inside again. The one that I never want to go away. “I-I didn’t mean to say all of that.”

“Why are hiding something from me?” I ask as my voice cracks and the sobs fight harder to get out.

“I’m just trying to protect you Elliebear. I can’t see you in pain, I can’t see you hurt like that. The worst part is this time it is all my fault.”

“Please just tell me. I don’t need to be protected.”

“There is a council meeting tonight with my parents, your mom, us, Angelica and her parents, and a few other members. I over heard her talking and it is about us, and she’s going to bring that thing that served as sperm donor up.” At this new information I groan and allow myself to sink into my happy and safe place, Matt’s arms.

***

I sat across the table from her, my arms folded across my chest and my eyes narrowed into a death glare with Matt in the chair next to me. She sits there with a smirk on her face looking between Matt and I, grimacing every time Matt leans over and whispers something into my ear. The adults, which have turned out to be Matt’s parents, my mom, and hers, are all talking but we aren’t paying any attention. Instead we are too wrapped up in our own little game of glaring at one another. “Angelica?” Her dad asked snapping us all out of it.

“Yes daddy?” She responds innocently enough.

“What is it that you wanted to bring up?”

“Well as everyone here knows Ellie’s dad isn’t a part of her life, which means that she is going to have issues. She’ll be clingy to Matt, dependant, paranoid, and since it runs in her family from her dad maybe even unable to full love him. The exact opposite of me.”

“You don’t know anything!” Matt and I both yell at the same time as we jump to our feet.

“Oh but I do.” She smiles.

“No you do not!” This time Matt lets me do the yelling.

“What don’t I know?”

“How about the fact that you don’t know that if you don’t shut your slutty mouth then I’m going to leap across this table and break your scrawny little neck? How’s that for starters. And to second that you don’t know anything about me.”

“I know that he’d be happier with me.”

“That is it!” I felt Matt’s arms around my waist half a second before I was about to leap across the table. I knew he was holding me back and that I couldn’t get out of his grip but I tried anyway.

“Ellie she isn’t worth it. Calm down.” Matt told me as he pulled me away from the table.

“The hell she isn’t!”

“No Matt let her at me. I’m not scared.” Angelica said with a grin.

“You should be!” After that it was just us yelling at each other and Matt adding in that she needed to shut up. Then everything was a blur until my mom and I got home and I ran up to my bedroom to clear my head out.

Now, two hours later, I’m just waiting for that light knock on my window that I know is coming. I can’t help but feel that I need to see Matt, to talk to him. Mostly I need to apologize for blowing up at him this afternoon. Just as I’m thinking of ways to say the apology I hear the light tap at my window.

In record time I’m at the window, have it jerked open, and Matt is standing in the center of my room smirking. “Ha! And we set another new record!” I laughed at his expression and his exclamation and rolled my eyes. “Hey Elliebear! So are you still pissed?” He took a seat on my bed and I joined him, instantly wrapping my arms around him.

“No I’m not. And about earlier I’m sorry for blowing up at you like that. I didn’t mean to I guess its just I was overflowing with anger and well you were the closest person to release it on. So I’m sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it Ellie, I know. I shouldn’t have kept it from you in the first place.” I smiled and relaxed, having got the worst part of the night over with early on. “So what time are you kicking me out tonight?”

“I’ve never technically kicked you out before Matt.” I smirk to myself having started another of our “technically” discussions.

“Well technically you never invited me, and I haven’t stepped foot through your door.”

“And so technically how can I kick you out?”

“Well you prove a good point and one I can’t argue with.”

“Oh I know.” I smirked and pressed my lips against his. I could feel his smile and then our I guess you could say “moment” was interrupted when his phone went off. “Shit!” I mumbled pulling away and falling back on my bed. I let out a frustrated sigh and closed my eyes in aggravation. Whichever of the guys were going to pay. “Which one is it now?” I wanted to know so I could come up with the perfect pay back for them.

“Take a guess?”

“Jimmy.”

“Good guess.”

“Give me your phone please.” Matt smiled and handed it over. It took me a matter of seconds to think of my comeback for Jimmy. It is me Jimmy, your worst nightmare, Ellie. I’m only warning you once so read closely. Leave us alone! Seriously. I smirked and handed Matt his phone back. It was only seconds until it went off again. This time Matt just handed it to me.

So tell me, my worst nightmare, do I need to tell the guys that Matt is getting lucky tonight or not? I glared at the phone. Typical Jimmy comment, that is for sure. My comeback once again came quickly and I smirked at Matt’s phone.

No Jimmy, my easily distracted and florescent sock loving friend, you do not need to tell the guys that Matt is getting lucky tonight. Because he is not. I pressed send and looked up at Matt, who was now wearing an amused expression on his face. “Give me a minute.” I told him as I waited for his phone to go off.

“I just want to read them when you are done.” He laid back next to me just as his phone went off yet again. Let us try a different wording then miss Ellie. Is Matt getting laid? Don’t lie.

No Jimmy his is not getting lucky or laid. I don’t know why you insist on thinking that he is. Not like it is any of your business in the first place.

How about the fact that we all know someday it will happen. And I am offended by that Ellie, it is too my business. So when the time comes you’ll either tell me or I will beat it out of him.

Good luck with that Jimbo, good luck. Now if you will so kindly excuse me I have something to get back to.

And what would that be? Something diiirrrtttyyy.

Don’t steal my word. Star already did. It is mine. All mine! And no it isn’t diiiiirrrrrrttttttyyyy, unless you count kissing.

Alright, okay, I get it. I’ll leave you two alone. But one day I shall…..okay I got nothing. Later.

Later Jimmy I closed Matt’s phone and handed it back to him. “Now where was I?” I asked with a small grin before giving him a quick kiss.

“What was he saying?” Matt’s curiosity couldn’t let him wait any longer and I laughed.

“Read the text message dufus. They are all in there.” I grabbed the remote and flipped the T.V. on, looking for something to watch as Matt read through Jimmy and I’s conversation. I knew he was trying his best not to laugh.

“You two have issues, you know that?” He closed his phone and put it back in his pocket. I felt his arm around my shoulders and I grinned to myself. As of right now you’d never image the day we’d just experienced.

“Yeah I know, but we keep life interesting, and you know it! So ha!” I moved closer so that I was curled up against his side. The place that I’d like to think of as my own personal happy place.

“I can’t argue with that.” A silence then fell over us as we looked for something to watch before coming up with nothing. I turned the T.V. off and placed the remote on my night stand before moving so that my face was just inches away from Matt’s as he rolled onto his side.

“I know you can’t. That is why I said it.” I smirked but then went serious again. “But about this afternoon I really am sorry Matt. I shouldn’t have assumed or even thought about that.”

“You don’t need to be sorry Elliebear. I understand.” He smiled again and my heart skipped another beat. “So lets forget about it and just concentrate on getting revenge on the guys and pissing everyone else off.”

“Sounds like a plan to me.” I smiled again and pressed my lips against his for one last time that night. I smiled against his lips and realized that this was I could ask for.