Broken Glass and Bleeding Hearts

“Give me the cookies and cream please?” I asked Star as laid on my full size bed on our stomachs staring at my TV screen.

“Do you have the Doritos?” She asked as she handed me the small container of cookies and cream. There was a reason there was another one in the freezer downstairs.

“Yup. Nacho cheese or Cool Ranch?”

“Nacho cheese for now.” I handed her the bag and grabbed the remote and hit play on the movie. “Where is my spoon? Share the ice cream you ice cream hog.” She joked as she got a spoonful of the ice cream.

“I am not an ice cream hog! Give me some chips please.” I grabbed a few chips and a few minutes later we had the junk food where we could both reach it and had the lights off and were tuned into the movie. The first movie was short and I was putting in the second one when the topic came up.

“So did Matt talk to you today?” Star asked as we waiting for the commercials to end.

“Nope. He pretty much ignored me. Not shocking. I expected it.”

“Why?”

“After yesterday. What ever happened messed things up again. But from what Zacky told me last night it shouldn’t last for long. It’s confusing.” I never looked away from the TV screen. I was hoping that would hind any emotion in my voice. I was probably wrong.

So when I heard my mom yell my name I thought that it was a gift to get me away from talking about Matt. “Coming!” I yelled getting up. I looked at Star and told her I’d be right back. She promised to pause the movie when it started.

I practically ran down the stairs to see what my mom needed. “Yeah mom?” I asked loudly as I stepped into the living room, then I saw why I was down here. Matt was standing in the door way looking directly at me.

“Matt’s here.” My mom smiled walking out of the room.

“Oh, uh, hey Matt. I uh didn’t expect you.” I nervously rubbed my hand on the back of my neck as I stayed where I stood.

“Yeah I probably should have called. Sorry.”

“No it’s fine. Is everything okay? After yesterday and today I didn’t think you’d be coming to talk to me for a while.”

“Yeah me either.”

“What does that mean?”

“I’ll tell you another time. I guess I came here to apologize.”

“For what?”

“Well let’s see, yesterday at lunch when I almost-” He cut himself off and looked away. “I mean at lunch yesterday when I acted so weird.”

“I figure it has to do with whatever else is going on, so you don’t have to explain.” He looked at me and almost smiled.

“Thanks Ellie.”

“Yeah uh no problem.”

“I can’t believe this is happening.”

“What’s happening?”

“Everything. Listen I’ve gotta go. I promised the guys I’d meet them at my place for band practice.”
“Okay well have fun.”

“I will. I’ll see you around?”

“Yeah see you around.” He smiled then left and I went to find my mom. She was in the kitchen.

“Mom why didn’t you tell me Matt was here?!” I asked her.

“Because I didn’t think I needed to. Why?”

“I am wearing my pajamas!”

“So? He’s seen you in your pajamas before. You two have been best friends since diapers Ellie. What’s the big deal?”

“Hello mom, things have changed, remember?”

“Oh like how you like him now?”

“For one.”

“And the rest?”

“Never mind. I’ll be in my room.” Star wanted ever detail so I told her everything.

“We are missing something.” She announced.

“Something huge.” I agreed. We made a mad dash for a notebook and wrote down all the things that we knew.

Matt said he is changing. And that I will be changing.

“They” say he has to stay away.

He says he is dangerous.

He is protecting me from something.

Zacky makes it sound like he is protecting me from himself

The strange look at lunch yesterday.

The list only made things worse since none of it made sense. And no explanation made sense for what was happening. That night when I fell asleep I began dreaming of Matt. In the dream he was acting weird, like he was torn.
Like he wanted to do something to me. Then he got that same look from the day before at lunch when I cut my finger. I noticed that I was bleeding from my palm this time. “Matt what is it?” I asked him.

“I can’t be around you Ellie. I’ll hurt you.” He backed away.

“Why?”

“Because it is in my nature now.”

“What are you talking about Matt? I love you, I know you love me. Why would you hurt me? Why?”

“It wouldn’t be because I want to Ellie. Trust me. I’m leaving because I love you. So you can have a life.”

“No!” I crumbled to the floor of the dark room we were in and Matt watched with that pained expression.

“I’m sorry.” He turned to leave, but took a deep breath. I began crying, but then he spun around and ran so quickly I didn’t even see him through the blur the tears had caused. After that everything went dark and the next thing I saw was Matt mourning over me. Not exactly me, but instead my lifeless body.

I sprang up in bed and looked at the clock. 3 a.m. Star was in the spare room, so I was alone in my room. Or at least I thought I was. I didn’t feel alone, but how could someone be in here? I realized there was tears in my eyes so I wiped those away and reached for the light by my bed. I thought I heard something, but didn’t know what it was.

When the light came on I saw that there was no one in my room. It had to be my mind playing a trick on me. I was actually shaking from the dream. I didn’t know what it meant, but it was the single weirdest and scariest dream that I’d had in years.

Then I caught a scent that I recognized. But it was impossible. This wasn’t happening. It couldn’t be happening. It wasn’t happening. Or was it? I smell the air again and smelt what smelt exactly like Matt normally did. But he hadn’t been in my bedroom for months, so how it smell like him?

Further more how could I smell his smell in the middle of the night? I laid back down with my head spinning and tried to close my eyes. I couldn’t get the picture of the nightmare out of my mind, so I opened my eyes again.

I knew it was going to be a long night, and I probably wouldn’t be getting much sleep either. So I grabbed my cell phone. I needed answers about the dream and the scent. And they both had one thing in common, Matt.
I typed the message in and stared at it, thinking about how I should send it. He had to know something about it. They were both linked to whatever was going on, I knew it. They had to be.

But instead I closed my phone and went over to the list and wrote the new things down on it and turned my computer on to check my email or something. Anything to get my mind off of everything.

I should have sent the message that asked why I could smell something that smelled like him in my room, but I couldn’t make myself do it. As much as I wanted answers, I didn’t want them. At least not for this yet. Maybe I could never want the answers.

But I knew that I could only put off whatever this was for so long before I would have to deal with it. This wasn’t exactly normal, but at the moment I couldn’t deal with it. I knew what I actually needed but I didn’t want to do it. But at the same time I felt I had to.

I grabbed my phone and typed in one simple message. “R u up?” and sent it to Matt. I sat my phone down and waited for the reply. My phone went off with his ringtone and I flipped it open.

“Um now I am. What do u need?”

“I need to talk. Badly. In person.” It took him a while to reply and I was thinking that he wouldn’t reply when my phone went off again. There was one word in his message that made me smile.

Where?

I hit reply and sent my response. “You can pick.” I waited and then my phone went off again.

“Wait outside ur house. I’ll meet u there then we’ll go to the spot. Does that work?”

“Yep.” I quickly got dressed and brushed my hair and teeth and then snuck out of the house. Matt was walking up when I made it outside. I could tell that he hadn’t been up for long and felt bad. But he looked so adorable. He hadn’t brushed his hair very well so it was still sticking up a bit in the back.

He had a hoodie on and had one over his arm for a reason that I didn’t know. He was dressed just like he had been the last time I saw him. In complete honesty I just wanted to kiss him at that very moment.

“You ready?” He asked.

“Yeah. Sorry I woke you up. But I’m a bit freaked out.”
“Don’t worry about it Ellie. Come on before we get caught.” We made it to the park without getting caught and went to the good old spot. I shivered lightly at the cool night air. I should have brought a hoodie. Matt walked up behind me and I felt warmth around my shoulders. The extra hoodie.

“Thanks Matt.”

“No problem. I thought you might forget.” I smiled at him and we sat down. “So what’s freaking you out?”

“Well I had this dream and it’s as embarrassing as hell, and then something else happened. I didn’t know who else to tell.”

“Why me then?”

“Because they both had to do with you.” I looked at him. “Matt I had a dream where you were leaving to protect me, and the next minute I’m dead. I was bleeding and it didn’t make sense. Then I wake up, feel like I’m being watching, and next thing I know I smell the smell of your cologne. And you haven’t been in my room since before your birthday.”

He looked away from me and looked straight ahead. “Now I see why you called me.”

“Things are never going to be normal between us again are they Matt?” I took a deep breath and braced myself for the answer.

“In ways they will be. In ways they won’t be. They won’t be able to be.” I felt a tear roll down my cheek, but I looked away so he wouldn’t see. “And I’m not sure I want them to go back to normal.”

Several more tears fell as I actually looked at him. He wasn’t looking at me. I felt the lump in my throat that threatened to erupt into screaming sobs. This wasn’t happening. “Do you want me to just leave you forever Matt? You don’t want to be friends anymore?” I whispered. He sighed but didn’t look at me.

“I’m not sure that we can be friends Ellie.”

“What do you mean? You know what never mind I’ll just leave. Here is your hoodie. I’m sorry that I bothered you when you don’t even want to be friends anymore.” I went to remove his hoodie but he caught my hand and stopped me. For the first time he looked me directly in my eyes.

“I’m not sure that we can be friends anymore Ellie because I don’t know if that is enough for me.” He whispered as his other hand wiped the tears from my cheeks.

“What?”

“Ellie I don’t just think of you as my best friend, not anymore.” His eyes looked down even though his hand still had mine so I wouldn’t remove the hoodie.

“I still don’t understand Matt.” He looked up and sighed. He didn’t try to explain anything else from that moment on. He didn’t even say anything. But what he did next took my breath away from me.

He moved closed and pressed his lips against mine. At first I was too shocked to do anything, but then I realized I needed to do something, so I kissed him back a little, and let my free arm wrap around him. But then he pulled away and moved away from me. “Shit!” He cursed as he put his head in his hands.

“Shit what?” I asked looking at him confused.

“Because I haven’t screwed everything up with you enough now I have to ruin it. I’m sorry Ellie. But I can’t not have these feelings for you. I can’t not love you!”

“You are in love with me?”

“Yes!” He still hadn’t looked at me.

“You don’t need to say you are sorry for that Matt.”

“I still can’t be with you Ellie.”

“Why not?”

“You don’t understand this Ellie. You can’t. I understand that. I shouldn’t dump this on you, but I can’t stop it. When I’m in around you I can’t do what I need to. I have to be around you. I can’t just walk away.”

“Why would you need to? Don’t you know that I love you too Matt?”

“Well that’s good. I’m sorry I have to leave then.”

“Why do you have to leave?” He jumped up and he was standing now.

“Because I don’t want to lose you!”

“How would you not lose me if you left? Explain that please.” He bent down so that he was in front of me before he sat down only inches away from me.

“Ellie I’m not who I used to be.”

“I still see Matt in there.”

“That’s not what I mean.”

“What are you trying to say Matt? Why do you have to leave? Why are you dangerous?”

“You want the truth? The complete truth? Tonight?”

“Yes. Please.”

“I can’t be around you Ellie because I could very easily kill you. Understand that.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Yesterday at lunch, when you cut your finger I could have killed you. It took everything I have in me not to jump across that gap between us and bite into-” He stopped right there looking at me.

“Don’t stop. I can handle it.”

“Ellie as much as I love you. Yesterday I wanted nothing more than your blood.”

“Why would you want my blood?”

“That is what I’ve been trying to tell you! Ellie I’m changing. I’m changing into something different. I want blood now. More specifically I want your blood.”

“What in the hell are you taking about?”

“You smell delicious okay? I don’t know why, maybe it is because of how I feel about you, or maybe your blood is really that sweet, or maybe it is just some weird thing that happens. I don’t know why! But I want your blood. I could sink my fangs into your neck right now and drink your blood. But I don’t think I could stop. I don’t want to kill you Ellie. I love you too much.”

“I’m still confused I hope you know.” He chuckled and rolled his eyes.

“Ellie why do you want me to go on?”

“I love you, and I want to know what you are talking about.” I reached out to touch his cheek. At first he moved back, but then he allowed me to. I looked him directly in the eyes before I continued. “Matt you can tell me. It’s not going to change anything.”

He took a deep breath and for the first time ever I saw him look truly terrified. Better yet he was terrified of what I would say. “Ellie, I’m turning into a vampire. And you will be too. After your 16th birthday.”