The Stars Are Fading Away

This place will always be a part of me
Yeah, you're all a part of me

I was exhausted when I went to bed. Mason lay beside me, playing absentmindedly with my hair. It was very distracting. It made hard to follow one train of thought, and I constantly delved off into other topics. I finally rolled over so he couldn’t reach my hair. His face was concentrated, thinking about something.

“What are you thinking about?”

He shrugged, the concentrated expression still there.

“I think you’re lying.”

He smiled a little. “I don’t know. Derrick, I guess.”

“Are you having gay fantasies about him?”

He chuckled. “No. Mostly about his reaction.”

“Ah.” I didn’t know how to interpret it either.

“Derrick’s a good guy. He knows how I feel about you, and he knows that you’re off-limits.”

“Why is that?”

“Bros before hoes. Not that you’re a hoe.”

I laughed, then thought for a minute. “Do you really think he might… like me?”

Mason shook his head. “No idea. Ask him.” He moved his arm so his head was propped up on it. “Does your arm hurt?”

The question surprised me. “Not really.”

Mason raised his eyebrows. “Yes. But only because you mentioned it.”

He sighed. “Derrick was right, I’m stupid.”

“No you’re not.”

He shook his head. “Go to sleep, Amber, you must be exhausted.”

Immediately after he said it, I started to feel heavy with sleep. I moved a little closer to Mason and closed my eyes.



My arm hurt badly in the morning. I tried not to show it, but it stung and I winced every time I moved it. I regretted cutting so uncontrollably, but I didn’t regret the peace it had given me. It lasted for a long time, making everything sharp and bright around me, easier to pay attention, easier to deal.

I got up before Mason, which was not unusual. When I walked out into the hall, I saw Derrick sitting at the table, which was very, very unusual. He was never up before eleven. Ever.

“Derrick? Are you awake?” I tried to say it as nonchalantly as I could.

“Hmm?” Apparently he wasn’t completely awake yet. He turned around in the chair slowly, and it took a few moments for him to register who I was.

“Oh. Amber.” He paused a moment, sipping his coffee. “Oh! Amber!” He blinked a couple times, then sighed.

“Amber, listen. I’m sorry about being such an asshole last night. Really sorry.”

“Thanks,” I accepted quietly, looking for cereal.

“Do you forgive me?”

“No. Not until you explain yourself a little more.”

He sighed again. “Well… Okay. Let’s aid this with an analogy. Hypothetical, of course.” I chuckled a little. He grinned at me, then continued.

“You know Mason has a little sister, Jennie, right?”

“Yup.”

“Okay. Well let’s say, hypothetically of course, that when we met I was attracted to her.”

“I have a feeling this isn’t hypothetical.”

“It is! Why does everyone think it isn’t?”

I laughed. “Okay, go on.”

He glared at me jokingly for a second. “I think my exact words to Mason were ‘Who’s that hot broad?’ which he coolly answered with ‘My sister, jackass.’ So, I hypothetically apologized profusely. I realized that, hypothetically, she was off-limits, and she’s like 6 years younger than me anyways. Hypothetically.

“However, I am a stupid person and Mason’s sister is… Well, I don’t want to offend him, but hypothetically, let’s say she knew how to play her cards and is quite experienced at doing so. I think that she saw that I liked her, so to speak, and she sprung on it. Hypothetically, it stopped before I could get in any trouble. And after that, any other time I saw her, she was just a friend to me. Hypothetically.”

His mouth twisted into a wry smile briefly. “I guess what I’m trying to tell you with that completely hypothetical story is that I don’t have feelings for you, but sometimes I get confused.”

I nodded. “That hypothetical story sounded well thought out.”

“Believe me, it wasn’t.”

I laughed loudly, and as I did Mason stumbled out of his room. He stretched and scratched his chest.

“I need more sleep.”

“Don’t bitch about it to us, we all do.”

Mason rolled his eyes and rummaged around for cereal.

“Derrick seems to be up early.”

“I was thinking.”

“Really?” The word was harmless, but the tone inflicted more.

“Yeah. Remember Jennie?”

“No, I forgot my own sister.”

"You know what I mean."

"True."

Mason stared hard at Derrick for a few seconds, and Derrick nodded. I was a little confused by the exchange, but Mason seemed more at ease after that. Derrick had just told him the same thing as me, but with considerably less words. I was glad.

I sat down to eat my cereal, and Derrick began to try to steal it, as usual.