I Find Myself in You

“Wow this food is really good,” Demi grinned, picking a pickle off my plate.

I laughed. “I’m sure you’re the expert on that. How many burgers have you had now?”

“Six?” Miley suggested.

Demi rolled her eyes. “Funny guys really mature. I only had two and Lainey’s other half.”

“Jeez Dem,” Nick said, coming over. “Joe says you ate all the burgers.”

We all laughed as Demi flushed. “I only had two!”

“And a half,” I reminded her, smirking.

She glared at us. “You guys are so funny.”

“I’d like to think so,” I grinned.

“Don’t even make me start on you,” she said, sticking her tongue out at me. That shut me up right away. There was only one thing she could say that would get me back, and I did not want her to say it.

“You know Lainey, Joe looks like he needs help,” Nick smirked.

I glared at him. Of course he would say something. “I think you need help in the brain,” I mumbled.

The others laughed. Joe came over to us, which made them laugh even harder. I grew slightly red. They always paired us together, didn’t they? “What?’ Joe demanded, clearly confused.

“Nick is a funny guy,” I mumbled.

“Hey guys,” Chelsea Staub came over to us and hugged us all. “Great barbeque guys. I’m really digging this food.”

Miley opened her mouth, smirking at Demi, but Demi stepped on her foot. Nick and I laughed.

“Hey Lainy, I heard about the new album you’re recording,” Chelsea continued. “Total recording control, right?”

“Yeah,” I grinned. I had finally made up with my agency and was coming out with a new album. I had gotten them to agree that all the songs and the music would be my choices, not the songs they liked best. Joe had convinced me to do it. He had been amazing, coming into my room two days ago with an appointment for me to go see the producers. He had even come with me for support and had come into the meeting with me, negotiating and persuading for me. I couldn’t believe how support he was. He really truly believed in the music I wanted to sing, the music I had started singing, the music I loved. He had basically gotten them to agree to fund the album that I would completely be controlling. I didn’t know how she knew though. No one knew yet, not even Nick. We wanted it to be a surprise. “I’m so excited.”

“Wait,” Nick said, taken back. “What?”

“Oh we were trying to keep it a secret,” Joe said, smiling sheepishly. “Lainey was going to tell you guys soon.”

“How’d you find out though?” I asked Chelsea.

“Sorry,” she smiled apologetically. “I didn’t know it was a secret. My agent was telling me when I met with her today. Everyone at Hollywood Records is super excited. They’re all talking about it.”

“Hey Lain, I heard about the new album,” Zac said as he walked by on his way back to Vanessa, two plates in his hands. “Congrats.”

“Thanks,” I laughed as Chelsea looked at me to say ‘you see’.

“So when did this happen?” Demi asked. “How did it happen?”

“Well,” I said. I was kind of reluctant to tell them. I knew what they’d think. But then, Joe had helped so much. I had to give him credit. “It’s all thanks to Joe really.”

“Oh yeah?” Nick raised an eyebrow. “How so?”

“He basically told the producers he’d kill them if they didn’t agree,” I smirked.

“I didn’t do anything that – life threatening,” Joe assured them as they stared at him, mouth wide open. I found it funny that they’d believe he’d threaten them “I just told them they’d be crazy not to want to put out your next chart topping album. They already knew how talented you were.”

I flushed slightly. I knew what he thought of me, but that didn’t make it any less flattering, especially when I had become so self-conscious about my newest stuff. My newest songs, the ones I meant to put on this upcoming album, were the most personal ones I had ever written and planned to record.

Nick smirked at us, looking from Joe to me. “So basically, you guys are like a dream team.”

I rolled my eyes. Of course, Nick had to ruin it by saying something like that.

“You know I think it’s cute,” Miley added.

“And I think I’m leaving,” I groaned. They all looked at me sympathetically while Joe’s expression had more pain. “Got to get another burger,” I added quickly. “You know, before Demi eats them all.”

Demi huffed as the others scowled. I walked away quickly.

“Lainey, Lainey, what a second,” Joe ran behind me to catch up, grabbing my arm. We were well enough away from the others that I didn’t have to see their faces or wonder if they’d hear us.

“Joe, I’m hungry,” I said, not meeting his eyes. “Can you get off of my arm please?”

“Lainey, what’s going on?” he asked, not letting go of my arm.

“Nothing,” I lied. “I’m fine.”

Joe rolled his eyes, telling me he didn’t believe it but he let go of my arm. “Seriously Lainey, I know you well enough to know something’s wrong. Tell me,” he said, touching my face with his now free hand. “I want to help you. I’d do anything for you.”

I moved my face quickly. “Joe don’t touch me.”

“What the hell happened?” he demanded.

“Look whatever the hell you think is happening between us Joe,” I said, sounding harsher than I meant to. “It’s not. And it never will.”

“Is that what this is about?” he asked, his tone angry now.

I winced. “Look I’m sorry, but I don’t feel the same way. That’s it.”

“I know you don’t Lainey,” he said, his eyes hard. “And I’m not expecting you to. I’m not trying to make you fall in love with me too.”

“Stop it,” I seethed. “Joe you don’t love me.”

“Yes I do,” he said quietly.

“No you don’t,” I insisted. “You think you do, but you don’t.”

“Lainey I have loved you since high school,” he said quietly.

“What? You fell in love the first time you looked at me?” I chuckled bitterly. I knew I was taking it all overboard. But I couldn’t stop now. I had to stop all of this now. I had to stop hurting him. And I had to stop putting us both through this. “Joe, there’s no such thing as love at first sight. It’s just a sappy way to explain infatuations and the desire to sleep with someone you think is hot. It’s not love.”

“I don’t believe that,” he said, his voice restrained. “And I don’t think you do either.”

“Don’t I?” I looked away. I still couldn’t meet him in the eyes. I didn’t believe in love at first sight. I had never believed in it, not even when I was little, watching fairytales and Disney movies.

“No you don’t,” he said, his voice thoughtful. “But maybe you’re right. Maybe it wasn’t love at first sight. Maybe I was infatuated with you when I first saw you.” He stepped closer.

“Joe, please don’t,” I whispered, looking around. Everyone was looking at us. And his words were hitting more home than I’d like to admit. I looked at him then, my eyes locking with his. As much as I wanted to, I couldn’t look away. His brown eyes were soft, full of love. It made my heart flutter.

“Maybe I really was just attracted to you,” he continued as if I hadn’t spoken, wrapping his hands around my arms on either side of me. His eyes bored into mine now. “But I know you now Lainey. I know everything about you. And I know I love you. I love everything about you. Maybe it started out as love at first sight and maybe it didn’t. But all I know is that I have loved you as long as I can remember. And I don’t know why you think it’s so bad, but I think loving you is the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

He leaned in to kiss me slightly but I pushed him back. He fell back, losing his balance. But when he did, he fell back in the pool. Unfortunately, his arms were still around me and we both fell in.

I was soaked as my head broke the surface. Joe was staring me horrorstruck. “Lainey, I’m so sorr--,” he started.

But I felt just as guilty so I stopped him. “I pushed you remember?”

I saw that everyone was staring at us. Demi and Nick exchanged a look and Demi screamed. “Pool party!”

She nodded to Nick and they both jumped in. Luckily that set everything in motion and everyone jumped in after them. I sighed in relief. They had definitely just saved me and Joe that awkward moment. But it was still awkward. It only affected us though because everyone else in the pool disappeared, and it was just Joe and me there. But I didn’t mind. During Joe’s little speech, I had realized something. It wasn’t bad. So what if he loved me? And so what if I felt something for him too? Maybe it was love. Maybe it wasn’t. But as he floated closer to me, I didn’t care. I put my arms around his neck and closed the space between us.

“I don’t think it’s bad anymore,” I whispered.

“You don’t?” he asked, hesitant. But he moved my wet hair out of my face.

“No,” I smiled and leaned in to kiss him.