I Find Myself in You

“Lainey, it’s Joe. Where are you? Call me.”

“Lainey, it’s Joe again. I visited the house in Jersey, cause I thought maybe you’d be there. But you weren’t. Just call me when you get this, okay? I need to know you’re okay.”

“Lainey, it’s Miley. Look I know it looks bad, but please, please just call me. I have to explain. It’s not what you think.”

“Lainey, it’s Joe. Please call me. I need to talk to you. Please, you know I love you. Please, please call me.”

“Lainey, it’s Nick. Look, I know the tabloid looked bad, but you know Joe isn’t like that. He loves you. Just – just call him, okay? He’s going crazy here. We’re all worried about you. Just please let us know you’re okay.”

“Just one phone call, Lainey. Just one, please. I need to talk to you. I’m going crazy here. I don’t know if you’re safe or not, and with the tabloid and everything. Look just call me please. We really need to talk.”

“Lainey, it’s your mother. Honestly, I have to tell you, you’re a genius. I have never been prouder. The country is going crazy looking for you. Your face is everywhere. The heartbroken starlet, they can’t get enough of you! Great publicity, darling, superb job!”

“Lainey, it’s Demi. I just wanted to make sure you’re okay and to remind you that if you ever need to talk, I’m here. Oh and Joe asked me to tell you to call him. Okay, bye.”

“Where are you?!? Please, baby, I’m going crazy here. Please, call me. I miss you so much.”

“Hey Lainey, it’s Jesse. Just called to tell you that I’m glad you know what it feels like now to have your heart ripped out by someone you loved.”

“Hey Lain, it’s Flan. Great news! I’ll tell you about it when I come home, but I’ll be a little late today. I had to stop by the L.A. house when I came in for your meeting. Joe must have seen my car there and he pretty much blocked me in, demanding answers. Don’t worry, I didn’t tell him anything. Anyways, see you soon, hun bye.”

I deleted them all one by one. I had so many more like them, but they too had been deleted. I did not need any reminders of what had happened. I was too busy. I needed to finish this album so I could start filming my new movie project while on tour. I knew I was tiring myself out again, but it was worth it if it kept my mind off of everything.

I just strummed my guitar, playing the finished version of the song I had just written.

”I remember years ago
Someone told me I should take
Caution when it comes to love
I did, I did.

And you were strong and I was not
My illusion, my mistake
I was careless, I forgot
I did

And now when all is done
There is nothing to say
You have gone and so effortlessly
You have won you can go ahead and tell them

Tell them all I know now
Shout it from the roof top
Write it on the sky love
All we had is gone now
Tell them I was happy
And my heart is broken
All my scars are open
Tell them what I hoped would be
Impossible, impossible
Impossible, impossible

Falling out of love is hard
Falling for betrayal is worst
Broken trust and broken hearts
I know, I know
Thinking all you need is there
Building faith on love is worst
Empty promises will wear
I know (i know)
And know when all is gone
There is nothing to say
And if you're done with embarrassing me
On your own you can go ahead tell them

Tell them all I know now
Shout it from the roof top
Write it on the sky love
All we had is gone now
Tell them I was happy
And my heart is broken
All my scars are open
Tell them what I hoped would be
Impossible, impossible
Impossible, impossible
Impossible, impossible
Impossible, impossible
Impossible, impossible

Ooh impossible (yeah yeah)

I remember years ago
Someone told me I should take
Caution when it comes to love
I did

Tell them all I know now
Shout it from the roof top
Write it on the sky love
All we had is gone now
Tell them I was happy (i was happy)
And my heart is broken
All my scars are open
Tell them what I hoped would be
Impossible, impossible
Impossible, impossible
Impossible, impossible
Impossible, impossible
Impossible, impossible

I remember years ago
Someone told me I should take
Caution when it comes to love
I did.”

I had unshed tears in my eyes when I was done. I blinked them away. I would not cry. I would not give anyone the satisfaction. I could not believe I had been so stupid. I should have listened to my dad’s words from the beginning. Life had taught me friends could not be trusted, and love was not real. Joe and Miley had just clarified it for me. I was alone. The only person I could count on was Flannery and the only thing I should concentrate on was my career. Isn’t that what my mother had said? That this was the best move for my career? Well she’d be so proud now, she’d be smiling if she were here. But then, she would have to care enough to ask where I was.

“I’m home,” Flannery called out. “I brought take out.”

Flannery and I had gone to our house in Long Island right after I saw that tabloid. No one knew about this house, not even my mother. She did not care about my finances as long as I kept paying her as my manager. But most specifically, Joe did not know. He could not storm over here because he didn’t know where I was. That was the purpose of this house, in the town my dad had grown up in. I could hide away for as long as I wanted, and no one would know. It also helped that I had not stepped out of the house since we got here, and we had a recording studio. When we had left, we had let leak that Flannery and I were going our separate ways, so it did not look suspicious if someone saw her. But when she came and went from this house, she had to wear a disguise, which included a black wig, blue contacts, sunglasses, and a hat.

She handed me a container. “Kung Pao Chicken, your favorite. I thought we deserved a treat after the awesome meeting I just had.” Flannery had met with the Hollywood Records people to figure out the details of my tour. Me showing up myself would derive too much attention. No one could know I was going on tour until the dates were released. I could not let Joe know. Even Flannery’s meeting with them had been kept secret.

“What did they say?” I asked, opening it and inhaling the aroma. It smelled so good. I immediately dug in.

“They got Kenny Ortega to choreograph this tour too. You can start rehearsing as soon as you finish sending them the rest of your songs for this album, which they love by the way. They think this will be your greatest album yet,” she grinned, picking up her own chicken and popping it into her mouth.

I didn’t look at her as I thought of how I had even gotten my way with this album. I owed so much to Joe. He opened my eyes and set me back on track. I couldn’t believe I actually started believing in him and me. I was so stupid. I was just a pawn to him, a way to get to Miley. It was not love. It was a lie. Flannery seemed to realize that I was thinking about something aloneg these lines, because she didn’t say anything else, concentrating on her food. We were quiet the rest of dinner.

---

“I just don’t get it,” I paced back in forth in Nick’s room. He, Demi, and Miley sat on Nick’s bed, their eyes following me as they had for the last hour.

“Dude you’re starting to make me dizzy, can you sit, please?” Nick asked.

I rolled my eyes at him and plopped down on the computer chair and spun it to face them. “She has to know it was a paparazzi trick, right? I mean, how could she actually believe the tabloid was right? When have they ever been right? She’s been famous for long enough that she should know!”

The three were quiet for a moment before Miley answered me. “Joe, Lainey believes that if something happens to you, it’ll happen again. Like, Jesse and I had betrayed her. I was her best friend, and she loved Jesse. Still, she let me back in, but more importantly she opened her heart again to you. She’d believe the picture, because I think somewhere deep inside, she was always waiting for me to betray her again.”

“Yes, you hurt her before, but I haven’t. I haven’t done anything but try to make her happy. Isn’t that what you were telling me that night?”

She sighed. “It’s not you, but love itself. I think she believed love would betray her again.”

“And I mean, the picture did look very convincing,” Demi pointed out.

“You’re not helping,” I glared at her.

She put her hands up defensively. “Hey, don’t blame me. You guys were the ones stupid enough to let cameras into the party.”

“How were we to know that someone would sell an incriminating photo of me and Miley to the paparazzi?”

“She’ll come around,” Nick assured me. “Did Flannery tell you anything?”

“Nothing,” Joe groaned. “God, shouldn’t Flannery set her straight? I mean, her sister doesn’t have the same betrayal ideals, does she?”

“She’s her sister,” Nick reminded me. “She might have tried, but in the end, she’ll always stick by Lainey. I mean, what if this had happened to me? What would you do?”

“I’d tell you to be a man and face your problems head on,” I lied.

“No you wouldn’t,” he smiled. “You’d try to cheer me up by asking me if I wanted you to play whoever had played me. You’d be on my side, even if you knew the truth.”

“Don’t you ever get tired of always being right?” I mumbled.

“Nope,” he grinned. “And with that in mind, I should tell you, you should give her some time and space, Joe. If she hasn’t replied to your hundred million texts and messages and calls yet, she’s not just going to because you called for the hundred millionth and one time.”

I glared at him, but again, knew he was right. When wasn’t curly top right? Stupid brothers. “Fine, I’ll give her space.”

“Um, Joe? There’s something else you should know about her, something you haven’t seen of her yet.”

“What is it?”

“When Lainey is faced with something she can’t handle, and more importantly, something she doesn’t want to handle, she hides away by something she can control, the only thing really.”

“What is that?” Nick asked.

Miley just looked sadly at me, and I sighed. I knew Lainey well enough to not have to be told what she meant. “It means Lainey is going to be very busy with her career now.”