Emerald Eyes

"Roxy," he grabbed your hands and held them in his own. "You're worrying me. Just talk to me, babe. We can talk everything out and make things better."

You shake your head, feeling your hair fall over your shoulders. You release his grip and free your hands from his. You feel the hot tears forming in your hazel eyes. You tell him this can't get better.

"What can't get better, Roxana?"

You throw your hands in the air and yell. You tell him that this can't get better, meaning you and him. You tell him you can't see it getting any better from what this is.

His emerald eyes grow wide, and begin to glass over with salty tears. He shakes his head in disbelief of the words you have just spoken. "What are you saying? Please don't tell my what I think you're trying to say, Roxana. Please."

You shake your head and look to the ground. You tell him that you're so sorry for doing this to him, but you can't deal with the guilt of your decisions any longer than you already have dealt with it.

"What decisions? What guilt?" His fingers were furiously woven throughout his dark disheveled hair.

You tell him that you feel horrible every single day for ruining such a great relationship between him and Adrienne. You ruined a twenty year marriage. You left two amazing boys without a father to live there with them forever with them in their life. Who was to say he wouldn't do the same thing to you?

"But I wouldn't, Roxana. You have to believe me. You have to trust me. I love you, I would never leave you, or our child."

You stop him before he could say anything else. You tell him that he had to have told Adrienne the same exact statement, that he would never leave her or the kids. Now look where they are; divorced and he has no custody over his own flesh and blood. You didn't want it to get that bad. You didn't want to get hurt like Adrienne did. You could never handle that kind of stress.

He was on his knees, facing you and the living being growing inside your stomach. His hands were shaking as he placed them on both of your knees. His bottom lip shook as be was breathing. "P-please, Roxy. I love you, I love our child. I don't know what I would do without you in my life. You're my everyth-"

You stop him again. You tell him that you aren't his everything. You tell him that he should depends on someone like that. You don't want him to put any guilt on her for what he was to do. You were doing what was right, and you weren't going to be held responsible for doing the right thing.

"But what about our baby? What about our life together? Are you really going to let our little girl grow up without a father in her life?"

Your heart sank. That was true. Your little girl, your little angel, wouldn't wake up every morning to those beautiful green eyes wishing her a good morning. She would never get to be "Daddy's Little Girl". She might never even know her dad is a famous rock star.

You shook the thoughts out of your head. You knew what he was doing. He was trying to play head games with you, to bring your daughter into it and guilt you into never leaving. That's not how someone who "loves" you should act at all. He should be worried about if she'll be financially supported properly and will have a roof over her head, not if she'll see her dad at all.

"I am worried about that, Roxana. But, I don't want her living her life without even knowing who her goddamn father is! I lost my dad at ten, and even I got to at least know him, even if it was for a short period of time," you heard his voice shaking again. He put his head in his hands. His shoulders were shaking, and you saw tears fall from his emerald eyes again. He never talks about his father.

He looks up at you, his eyes filled with the darkest green you have ever seen. "Are you going to even let her meet me?"

You shake your head in confusion, telling him you didn't know what you were going to do with anything.

He threw his hands in the air, "That's fucking great, Roxana. We have a baby on the way, you decide we're not working, and you don't even have a plan for what you're going to do? That's real responsible."

You tell him to be quiet, that you didn't want to be put on the spot like this.

"Oh, you didn't? But waiting one fucking month before the baby is born to tell me you're leaving doesn't put me on the spot?"

With a raised voice, you tell him to stop acting like everyone is against him. You accuse him of acting like this was easy for you. You knew that you might regret doing this all, but you knew it was the better thing to do in the long run.

"How is this the better thing to do, Roxana? You had a home to live in, you'd never have to work again, and our baby would always be supported. What more could you want, a fucking castle to put it all into?"

You tell him that money has nothing to do with any of this. That was the difference between the two of you. You were showing him affection in the beginning and he was buying you affection. The last thing you ever cared about was money, and it's still that way. You care more about the love, devotion, and honesty between two people.

"And you don't think I love you? You don't think I've devoted my whole life to you? You actually think I've been lying to you?"

You tell him that you know that he loves you. But, he also loves Adrienne as well. Before he can defend himself, you stop him. You tell him that you also know he's devoted himself to you. But, he thinks by buying you nice things, you'll love him. He thinks by taking her out somewhere nice will be okay since he was at the studio for days straight. You tell him that none of that matters. The money, fame, and luxuries all meant nothing to you. You just wanted him to stay at home forever with her, and you'd be happy.

"But I can't do that, Roxana. I have a career to uphold. I have fans I have to please. I have so much let in my career to do. I can't just stop everything in my life because you don't believe I'm a hundred percent committed to you."

You tell him that's all you needed to hear. He was just telling you things to make you happy. Who is to say that there isn't another girl on the side, one that hasn't been sucked into his emerald eyes yet? You never needed to be proven to that he was committed, but at least made the effort to separate personal life from working. He molded them into one. He wasn't just Billie Joe Armstrong from Rodeo, California. He wasn't just Billie Joe Armstrong from Green Day. He never separated the two from each other, and you couldn't handle it any longer.

Looking at your hands, you tell him you think it would be better if he moved out.