Consciousness and Confidence

I turned around slowly to see who had shouted my name this time. As I did, I saw Brian slowly making his way through the crowd. I folded my arms over my chest and waited for him to reach where I was standing.

Once he reached me he opened his mouth to talk. "Where did you g- When did you change?"

I looked down to remember that I was still wearing the shirt Cale lent me. "Oh, uh.." I trailed off, begining to explain the story.

As he neared a bit closer, he sniffed, then moved away again. This time a disappointed look on his face. "Better yet, why the hell do you reek of beer?"

As soon as he said it, I knew what he was thinking. "Oh, no Brian. It's not what you think." I denied, shaking my head.

"Oh, really now?" His tone of voice sounded like he was hardly convinced.

"Really!" I confirmed. "Some kid ran into me and spilt his beer all over my shirt. He gave me his because he felt bad."

He just rolled his eyes, not believing me. "That's your story?"

How could he not believe me? Was I really that doubtable? "Why don't you believe me?" I asked, sadness evident in my voice. I know I probably shouldn't have given a fuck if he believed my story or not. But, if he told everyone else and they gave me the same disappointed look that he did, I would be horrified.

"Because, Ryyan you have a history of lying." he explained. "And you did leave me randomly when I promised to stick with you all night."

That angered me. He knew how determined I was to change. Why the hell was he being an asshole about it? "Brian, you're so fucking stupid. You know how much I didn't want to drink tonight. I've spent almost two hours at a party where I could have taken something at any time, but I didn't. And besides, you ditched me. I walked out of the bathroom and you weren't there!"

He glared. "Ryyan, I don't know a god damn thing about you."

"What the fuck!?" I yelled, gaining some stares. "Why are you being so harsh about this, Brian? You're suppose to be here to make things easier. Now, all I want to do is go and drink. I haven't all night, but I guess you have that effect on me." I began to turn away when he grabbed my arm.

"You'll do anything to get away from me. Won't you?" he asked, looking right into my eyes. I couldn't help but stare back at him. I was so confused. What was going on?

"I- I" I studdered, not knowing how to continue. "What?"

He sighed, turning me around and then letting go of my arm. "Talk this out, Ryyan."

I ran a hand through my hair, frustrated. Was he serious? Brian had to be the most infuriating person. "You accuse me of drinking, when I didn't. Then you call me a liar. Do you honestly expect me to want to stay around you?"

"I'm not talking about just this moment. You always try to get away from me."

"What happened to you!?" I yelled, voicing my thoughts. "You never cared, Brian, ever. Why now? What changed?"

Maybe, getting into this other discussion wasn't the best. Especially since we were in the midst of an argument, and at a party where just about every person around us was staring. Brian, however didn't seem to notice them.

He was just staring at me with a cold, distant expression. His arms were rapped around each other, and he was moving his legs back and forth a bit, almost as if he was swaying to the music. Obviously, he didn't want to answer me.

"Whatever then, Brian." I muttered. "Why don't you try to talk to me when you feeling like answering my questions?"

Once again, I began to walk away from him. And again, I stopped. But, this time it wasn't Brian's hand stopping me, it's what he said.

"Fucking alcoholic." he mumbled.

I whipped around and quickly walked my way over to him. I shoved my finger in his chest. "You don't get to have an opinion about me. You've treated me like shit for years. I don't care how much you have changed in the past week, or whatever. It's obvious you didn't change that much, if you're still determined to make me angry."

He removed my finger from his chest and looked down on me. "You're not going to get to me, Ryyan."

I was so completely inraged at him. He just knew how to push my buttons. "Fuck off. Don't talk to me. Don't look at me. Act like I don't fucking exsist."

"That's what you want." He stated, sarcastically.

I ignored his comment, but flipped him off and walked away. I headed towards the kitchen and grabbed one of the many beers resting in a bucket of ice. I didn't care any longer about how hard I had worked all summer. I wanted to forget Brian and what he said. The only way I knew how was to drink.