Consciousness and Confidence

”Ry, do you guys want to g-“ the sound of my brother’s voice being cut short woke me up from the sleep coma I had found myself in. I groaned quietly, realizing from the weight on my shoulder that Jay was still very much asleep next to me.

I slowly poked my eye open to see him standing in my doorway with a sorry expression on his face. I crinkled my nose, and closed my eyes again. “Sorry about waking you.” He apologized, in a softer tone. “The guys came over for practice and were getting hungry so we were going to go get some pizza. Want to join?”

I thought about it for a second. The comfortable placement on my bed was overshadowing the grumbling in my stomach. My bed was so snuggly. I didn’t want to move. But, as if on cue, my stomach let out an immense grumble that even managed to make Jay stir in her sleep. I giggled and opened my eyes at my brother. “Give us a minute to wake up and we’ll be down.”

He smiled, nodded and then left the room. Slowly but surely, I edged my torso out of the way of Jay’s sleeping form. Once I had enough room, I sat up straight in bed and rubbed my face a bit. “Jay, come on. We’re going to eat.” I said, the words seeming louder than usual. She groaned and tunneled her face into the comforter. “Hey!” I mumbled, “I want food. Get your ass up.”

I poked her side for good measure. She just swatted my hand away. “No, sleep.” She moaned into the sheets. I pouted and continued to poke her, knowing how much of an annoyance it really was. “Fuck, I’m up, okay!?” she yelled, shooting off the bed immediately.

I just smirked in victory.

We both made our way out of my room and down to the front door where Matt, Jimmy, and Brian were all standing. I was a little surprised at first to see Brian standing there; it didn’t occur to me when Matt said ‘the guys’ that Brian was included in it. Stupid, sleeping brain.

I hesitated for a second, not sure if the situation would be awkward or not. But, when my eyes caught his brown ones, he let out a quick wink and a small smile. My insides did an unwelcomed flip and I knew then that all assumptions I had about the night before being a onetime thing was over.

My eyes moved from Brian to Jimmy, who was giving me an unreadable expression. It was only then that I realized I had been staring at Brian with a smile tugging on my lips. Oh, fucking joy, another one of my brother’s friends that is going to get suspicious.

Instead of freaking out, I attempted to play it off as a generally happy mood. “Hey guys!” I greeted, adding an extra bounce in my step for good measure. Matt gave me a skeptical look.

”Well, aren’t you perky?”Hook line and sinker with that boy, he was so easy to fool.

I just smiled even more at him. “I just took a nap after sleeping in until two. And now I’m getting free pizza. Happiness mixed with recharged energy equals me bouncing off the ceiling. Now let’s go!” I ordered, shooing everyone with my hands. I took a quick glance at Jimmy to see him in a much less brooding look. I silently prayed that my little white lie edged him away from any thoughts he had been having before. Everyone just continued to Matt’s car with little or no words.

”I call shotgun!” JayJay yelled out, rushing around to the passenger’s door. It quickly dawned on me that if Jay was sitting in the front then that meant I was in the back with Jimmy and Brian. Oh lord, oh lord. I need to behave normally. I need to not be obvious. I need Jimmy to get in that fucking middle seat so this can all be a lot easier.

“God Damnit!” Jimmy shouted, while laughing. “I’m too big to be smashed in the back with Fatass and Chubs McGee.” He pointed his finger over in our direction, as we were all standing in front of the car, waiting for Matt to unlock it. He was taking his sweet ass time, too.

I sent Jimmy an offended look. “Asshole! I fit neither of those nicknames!” I defended, while Jimmy continued to laugh. He walked over with a look as if he wanted to apologize but instead scurried around me and slapped my ass, hard. I let out a yelp of surprise, and quickly covered my hands over it in case he was planning on doing it again.

”It just jiggled.” He stated as if it was fact. I glared at him, not willing to admit that it had indeed jiggled a bit. Instead, I flipped him the bird and went to grab the handle of the door. “Oh, no you don’t.” Jimmy said, pulling me away from the door. “Gentlemen first.”

”That’s not how the saying goes!” I exclaimed, looking up at Brian for some support in the matter. But, he simply appeared to be enjoying Jimmy’s shenanigans as much as his friend was. “Ugh, fine. The little boys can go in first, I guess.” I crossed my arms over my chest and pouted, letting them know I wasn’t pleased at all.

As a final act, when Brian was getting in the car, I took my foot, and kicked him right in the kidney. “Ouch!” he yelled, rubbing his side in discomfort. “What was that for?”

”For not standing up for a lady.” Matt nearly snorted as he began to laugh while Brian scooted over and let me in.

”You’re the farthest thing from a lady I’ve ever seen, Ry. You burp as loud and as often as Johnny does, and that’s a hell of a lot.”

I just stuck my tongue out at him in the rear view mirror and muttered “I’m a fucking lady, douche bag.” I could feel the vibrations of Brian’s body from his chuckling next to me, obviously having heard what I just said. I sent him a small smile, smug with the notion that I made him laugh, even after I had kicked him.

Matt started up the car and soon we were out of the driveway and down the street. For a few seconds, no one said anything. The sound from the radio was the only thinking keeping the car from total silence. I began to feel a little awkward, even though I had no significant reason to. Except for the fact that Brian was pressed up against the right side of my body. And except for the fact that it was Brian whose fingers were brushing the side of my thigh continuously. And except for the fact that I was internally enjoying the moment.

I could feel him smirking at me without even having to look. My face felt like it had been lit on fire. That damn boy was getting satisfaction from my uncomfortable-ness. As if to make him aware of this and hinting for him to quit it, I fidgeted in my seat, trying to not make it too obvious to Jimmy two feet away. But, Brian’s fingertip kept slowly moving up and down the side of my thigh.

Fuck me for feeling giddy about it, too.

”So, Ryyan, what’d you think of t-shirt boy’s party?” Jimmy asked, a bit unaware of the fact that JayJay in the front seat was now dating the object of the guys and his ongoing insults.

”Hmm?” I questioned, needing a second for the words to go through my brain. I was too damn distracted with Brian and my thoughts about Brian and what he was trying to do, to have normal conversation. It registered after a couple seconds. “Oh, it was okay, I guess.”

”Really now?” Jimmy asked, grinning devilishly at me. “If I recall correctly, there was a conversation going around that you had a pretty intense make-out with someone while you were missing.” Leave it to Jimmy to bring this whole thing back up again. Brian’s fingers stopped and I shot him a glance to see him giving me an amused, quizzical look back.

”Do share, Ry.” He said at the same time Matt said “You did what now?”

I growled, seeing the pizza place a block up the road. I rejoiced in my head thinking that sweet, sweet salvation was close ahead. “There was no making out, Matt. Don’t get your frilly panties in a twist.” I shot at him, making the others in the car chuckle. But, Jimmy stopped once I sent him a dirty look. “And you, Mister DoubleFistingBeers, I wouldn’t trust anything you recall as truth just for the mere fact that you were piss drunk by the time I got to you last night”

Jimmy gasped in fake offense at my accusation. “I have never touched an alcoholic beverage in my life! How dare you!” he shouted, putting a hand up to his chest. “Beer, yuck!” for emphasis, he spit. Matt, Jay, and I all chuckled. However, Jimmy didn’t think the spit would land right on Brian’s face who, in return spit back in his eye.

Rather quickly, a spitting war broke out between the two boys. They wrestled as best they could, slapping and slobbering all over each other as Matt put the car into park. “Hey, douche bags!” he yelled, getting their attention. “Get out of my fucking car. I’m hungry and Zacky and Johnny are already inside.”

The boys stopped their hitting and everyone quickly stumbled out of Matt’s car and shuffled into the pizza place. JayJay walked next to me, blabbering on about Cale more. I tuned it out and nodded a little bit, my thoughts too preoccupied with getting something in my stomach.

As we looked around for the other two band mates, we found them in a booth with two large pizzas sitting infront of them. “Guys here!” Johnny yelled, waving us over. The minute we reached the booth, Zacky stepped out, to let the rest of us in the booth.

As Matt took a seat on the other side of Johnny and Jimmy squished himself in as well, JayJay stepped up to file in on the other side. I followed, scooting into the booth. But, as Brian was about to go grab a chair to place at the end, seeing as how there were not enough seats, Zacky said “Nah, man. It’s cool. Sit down, I’ll grab a chair.” He smirked knowingly at me, realizing who I was being forced next to, again. Anger pulsed through me at his cocky attitude. He was purposefully putting me and Brian together.

Zacky Baker is a dick.