It's A Roller Coaster Ride We're On

Two weeks later we were in Massachusetts. I woke up in the hotel room to find a note from Lauren saying she and Kevin had gone down to the lobby for breakfast. I showered and changed then went back into the bathroom to blow dry my hair. When I was done I walked back into the bedroom and nearly had a heart attack.

“Give me a heart attack why don’t you.” I said, sitting down on the bed.

“Sorry,” Joe said, looking up at me. “Nick’s sick today.”

“Is he okay?” I asked, standing up to walk to the door.

“You… might want to stay here. He’s puked three times already. Mom says it’s a stomach virus and none of us are to go near him. She has Frankie quarantined too just in case he might have caught it.”

“Oh… okay.” I said, sitting back down. “Wait no offense but why are you in here?”

“Oh, well, Lauren and Kevin went out shopping or whatever so I came to see if you wanted to just chill.”

“Yeah, alright,” I said, smiling. “What do you want to do?”

“Let’s test drive this awesome camera I got you. I haven’t seen you use it yet.”

“Good idea!” I exclaimed, jumping up to retrieve it from my suitcase.

We took so many pictures it was almost reaching a ridiculous point but it was so much fun. We took goofy pictures of each other. We took pictures of ourselves together. There was a really nice one, where we’re both smiling and our eyes are shining.

“I think this is my favorite one.” I said, looking at that picture.

“Mine too.” He said. I looked up to smile at him and he was staring at me.

“Why are you staring at me like that?”

“I don’t know.” He answered, shrugging his shoulders. His eyes were still looking deeply at me.

“Well… stop.” I said. I could feel myself starting to blush.

“I can’t… it’s impossible.”

“Why?” I asked quietly. He was leaning in closer and closer.

“Because you’re so beautiful,” he whispered, getting rid of the space between us and placing his lips on mine softly.

He continued to kiss me slowly, sweetly. Nick I thought. But Joe’s so gentle, so sweet. I felt like I was somewhere else. Joe’s kiss was bringing me away from the present but… Nick has never kissed me like this. I battled with myself. That doesn’t mean anything. You’re dating him not Joe. My thoughts started to make sense and I pulled away slowly. My eyes were still closed; I felt a tear make its way down my cheek. I turned my face away from him.

“Lyss,” he said softly.

“Don’t tell anyone.” I whispered. It was silent for a minute then I heard the door open and close. I got the courage to turn my head and Joe was gone. All the pictures we had taken were gone except for the one I had been holding where we were both smiling at the camera. Then, I started to sob uncontrollably.

****

It took a long time to calm myself down. Once I had I went into the bathroom. My eyes were red and puffy, my hair was a mess, and my makeup was running down my face. I fixed myself and then took a deep breath before walking into the hallway. I walked to Denise and Kevin Sr.’s room and knocked on the door.

“Come in.” Denise called. I opened the door and glanced around quickly. No Joe… okay. “Sweetie what’s wrong? Are you alright?”

“Oh Denise I’m fine. Just a little tired… worried about Nick. How is he?” I asked sitting on the couch. She came and sat next to me.

“He’s been in his bathroom all morning. I go and check in on him every twenty minutes, refill his water glass. We have a doctor coming later tonight. He wants to see you but I told him he shouldn’t have any visitors. We don’t want anyone else getting sick.”

“That sounds best.” I said nodding my head. “So I take it Frankie didn’t catch it?”

“Not from what I’ve observed. He ate just fine and he doesn’t have a fever.” She said glancing over at him. He was sitting on one of the beds watching TV. I let my gaze wander and I thought about earlier. “Melissa?”

“Hm?” I asked, turning to look at her.

“Are you really alright? You seem distracted… upset.”

“I’m fine.” I lied.

“If you say so… I’m going to make some tea, would you like some?”

“Please.”

While she was making the tea, the door opened.

“Hi Mommy.”

My head snapped up.

“Hi sweetheart. I’m making tea for Melissa and myself. Would you like some?”

Joe glanced over at me when she said my name, not realizing I was in the room and I looked away. He walked over to sit near me but changed his mind and sat in one of the chairs.

“Yes please.” He said quietly. I tried not to look at him but it was so hard, I kept glancing over at him but every time I looked at him, he was looking somewhere else. I furrowed my brow and just stared at my hands until Denise brought the tea over.

“You two are uncommonly quiet today.” She observed. “Did I miss something?”

“No.” Joe said

“Nothing at all.” I said at the same time. I flinched at how guilty we sounded. I looked at Denise and she had one eyebrow raised. She took a sip of her tea.

“If you say so…”

****

A few hours later, Kevin and Lauren returned, relieving some tension from the atmosphere. They relayed the details of their shopping trip and I was able to talk and laugh more easily. I saw Lauren send glances my way… she noticed that Joe and I weren’t talking to each other…

I have to tell her. She’ll know what to do…

After dinner the doctor arrived to check on Nick. Kevin and Joe were doing the dishes and Lauren, Frankie, and I were watching TV.

“Laur,” I whispered, “I need to talk to you.”

“We’ll talk tonight,” she whispered back.

“No… now.”

She looked away from the TV to stare at me questioningly. She nodded her head and stood up and walked to the door.

“Where are you two going?” Kevin asked.

“Just to our room for a bit to have some girl talk.” She answered.

“Alright, we’ll be here when you’re done.” We waved and walked into the hallway where I immediately picked up the pace and walked to our room.

“Whoa what’s the rush?” she asked, jogging to keep pace with me.

I didn’t say anything just kept walking until we reached our room. I went inside, ushered her in and closed the door. I grabbed her hand and walked over to the couch where I sat down with a heavy sigh.

“Mel, talk to me. What’s going on? You’re freaking me out.” She said sounding really worried. I opened my eyes and turned my head to look at her.

“Joe and I kissed.” I said, barely above a whisper. Her eyes widened and her jaw dropped.

“You kissed?” she asked quietly.

“Yes.”

“You kissed, like… you kissed?” she asked, her eyebrows furrowing in confusion.

“Yes.” I said with an obvious tone to my voice.

“Okay, who kissed who?” she asked, trying to make sense of the situation.

“What does that matter?” I asked, my voice rising a bit.

“Because it matters... Did he kiss you? Did you kiss each other? Did you trip and your faces accidentally--”

“He kissed me.” I said exasperatedly. She was really annoying.

“Okay… did you kiss him back?” she asked, her eyes narrowing to slits. I didn’t answer. “Melissa, did you kiss him back?”

“Yes.” I whispered. Then I felt like I needed to let it out. “He kissed me and I kissed him back and now he’s avoiding me and I feel so stupid.”

“Mel, what are you doing?” she asked.

“What do you mean what am I doing? I’m ranting. You should recognize this. I learned it from you.”

“Yeah but… you’re dating Nick.” She stated.

“I know.” I answered.

“So he gets sick and you go to have some… thing with Joe?” she asked, her voice rising.

“It was a kiss, not a thing.” I said defensively.

“A kiss is a thing.”

“Well, it wasn’t planned. It just happened.” I said, shrugging my shoulders.

“I can’t believe it all this time I’m thinking ’she’s with Nick’.” She said, throwing her hands in the air.

“I am with Nick.” I said my eyes stinging with tears from all the frustration.

“No, Mel, kissing another guy is not being with Nick. Ask him, I bet he’d back me up on that”

“It was nothing.” I said. I got this feeling in the pit of my stomach when I said that. Oh, how wrong a statement that is…

“Well then why are you so freaked out?”

“I’m not freaked out.” True…

“Look, kid, you have got to make up your mind. Joe, Nick. Joe, Nick. It’s enough already. If you want Joe, that’s fine. Go get him. There he is. If you think that’s the great love of your life, then great. Do something. Nick has been sweet, supportive, and incredibly patient… and now you’re officially treating him like dirt. I’m sorry, but not only is that not you, he doesn’t deserve that!”

“I know all this about Nick!” I shouted.

“You do?” she asked incredulously.

“Yes, I do. I knew how great he was before you did…”

“Well, knowing this has apparently not stopped you from dragging his heart all over this tour!”

“Not fair!” I exclaimed

“Yes, fair. The fairest! The Snow White of fair!”

“I don’t want to talk to you about this anymore.” I said, the tears threatening to spill over now.

“Okay, listen, if you don’t want Nick anymore, cut him loose. Let him find someone who does. Because… this is just so wrong…”

“Alright, I get it! Just stop.” I said.

“Fine,” she stood up and walked over to the door. She grabbed the doorknob with her hand and kept it there, her back still towards me. “I won’t tell anyone.” She whispered. “If I hear of you betraying Nick like that again… I will.”

With that she opened the door and left, slamming it closed behind her. I’m not one for saying this word but at the time… it’s all that came to mind.

“Fuck!” I shouted, covering my face with my hands and crying into them. I curled up on the couch and cried myself into a deep sleep. What have I done?

****

The next morning I woke up and Lauren was already gone. No note this time. I showered and changed and went to Denise’s room to see how Nick was.

“Good morning Melissa,” she said, letting me into the room.

“Morning, how’s Nick?” I asked. I looked around; Joe was lounging on one of the beds flipping through the TV channels. He looked up when he heard me speak, his face was void of emotion, and then turned back to the TV. I sighed and went to lean against the counter in the kitchenette.

“Oh, he’s doing much better. The doctor stopped by about a half an hour ago and said his fever had gone down quite considerably and to give him some toast. As far as I know he’s kept it down and he’s sitting up in bed.” She said, smiling as she said so. “He was asking for you again.”

“Oh please Denise can I go see him? I’ll stay with him all day so you don’t have to keep going back and forth.”

“Alright, the doctor said he isn’t contagious. It wasn’t a stomach virus after all; it was just something he ate.”

“Thank you,” I said, hugging her. I walked out of the room across the hall to Nick’s. I opened the door slowly so I wouldn’t disturb him if he was asleep. I peeked inside and saw him looking to the door to see who was there. I opened it wider so he could see me and a weak smile appeared on his face.

“Mel,” he said, sighing.

“Hey baby,” I said, walking over to sit next to him. I kissed his forehead and held his hand. “How are you feeling?” I asked, smoothing his curls back.

“A lot better…. I ate.”

“I heard.” I said, smiling at him. “Let me get something.” I said, standing up. I went into the bathroom and got a washcloth and slightly wet it and I brought it back and placed it on his forehead.

“That feels good.” He said, closing his eyes.

“Good,” I said, stroking his cheek with my fingers. He opened his eyes and I smiled at him.

“Come here,” he whispered. I leaned closer and kissed him on the lips, a quick kiss and pulled away. He opened his arms and I snuggled next to him, resting my head on his shoulder.

“What did you do yesterday?” he asked.

“Nothing really. I was worried about you.”

“You didn’t hang out with Joe?”

“Only for a little while and then I just sat in my room for a bit and read… then Lauren and Kevin came back so we all just hung out in your parents’ room.”

“I missed you. I wish Mom could have let you check up on me.”

“I wish she had too.” I said. That was true I had been worried.

****

Around 11 o’clock, Nick finally drifted off to sleep. I quietly slid off of the bed and crossed the room to the door. I turned to stare at him bathed in the moonlight sleeping so peacefully. It hurt so much inside to know that I had hurt him in a way that he’ll never find out about. I sighed and opened the door stepping into the hallway and closing it behind me. At the same time, Joe had exited his parents’ room. We looked up and stared at each other for a minute. It was silent between us.

“Lyss,”

“Joe,” I said at the same time. “You go first.”

“Lyss, I’m sorry about yesterday. I shouldn’t have done that. It only makes things worse for both of us… I should never have betrayed Nick like that.” He said, looking at the floor.

“Joe, it wasn’t just you. I kissed back.” I whispered. “It was my fault just as much as it was yours.”

It was quiet between us for a minute.

“Did you feel anything?” he asked. “Because… I sure as hell did.”

“Yes,” I whispered.

“Think about that Lyss. Think about how you felt. Really think about it.” he said. “Goodnight.”

With that, he turned and walked into his and Kevin’s room. I walked to mine and Lauren’s room and quietly opened the door. She was already asleep so I quietly changed into my pajamas and crawled into bed. I sighed and stared at the ceiling and thought about how I felt when Joe and I kissed. Just like he said…