It's A Roller Coaster Ride We're On

Joe’s POV

“Will you be here when I get back?” she asked, hesitating in the doorway of the bathroom.

“For as long as you want.” I whispered.

She smiled weakly at me then closed the door. I stood there, staring at the door, trying to comprehend what was going on. They broke up. He told her he loved her… and she didn’t say it back. Why? What does it mean? Do I have a chance? Would I really do that to Nick? Would she do that to Nick? My thoughts just kept going and going and started running together. I took a deep breath and went and sat on the bed and put my head in my hands.

Half of me was elated that this relationship was over. Lyss is now single… maybe I could have a shot with her. But, the other half of me was… confused. I kept wondering over and over why she didn’t say it back. I mean, I guess I knew all along that she didn’t love him… not with the way that she kept looking at me. Poor Nick though, he never saw it coming. Not from her. Before I knew it, Lyss cracked open the bathroom door and stuck her head out.

“Joe, I forgot to grab clothes. Can you just grab me some sweats and a t-shirt?”

“Yeah, no problem,” I said, standing up.

“Second drawer in the dresser, only stuff in there, I packed everything else.” She said. I grabbed it for her and brought it to the bathroom door. “Thanks,” she whispered.

After she changed she came back out and lay down on the bed with a huge sigh. She stared up at the ceiling. I observed her face. She didn’t look pained… she wasn’t crying. I went to lie down next to her, my arms folded across my chest. After a few moments of silence she spoke.

“I never meant to hurt him,” she said, her voice cracking.

“Lyss don’t cry.” I said softly.

“I’m not crying. I don’t need to cry. That’s what’s weird. I thought I would be crying because I am upset but… I guess it just didn’t cut that deep.” She said. I turned my head to look at her.

“Do you think, if this whole thing hadn’t happened tonight, and you two stayed together a little longer, you would be in love with him?”

“No,” she whispered. “Things were different. Nothing felt right with him anymore. Not after…”

“Oh,” I said softly. “So… what does this mean?”

“I don’t know Joe. I need time. I need to think.”

“Okay, well, I’m here. I’ll always be here.” I said.

“I know,” she said, giving me a half smile. “I think I’m going to try to sleep now.”

“Want me to leave?”

“No! Please stay.”

“Alright, goodnight Lyss,” I said, leaning down and kissing her forehead.

“’Night Joe.”

Once her light snoring kicked in, I knew she was truly asleep. I pulled out my cell and texted Lauren.

They broke up.

That’s all I said, nice and simple. Not thirty seconds later, I got a reply.

What? Is she okay?

She’s fine. I assured her. She’s sleeping but I think it would be best for you to be here for when she wakes up.

I’m on my way. She replied.

Less than two minutes passed before she was opening the door. She crossed the room to the bed and quietly sat next to Lyss’ sleeping form.

“She’s really okay?”

“Really, she’s fine. She hasn’t cried at all.”

“Hm,” she said, frowning. “What happened?”

“I think it’s best for her to explain it to you… tomorrow. I should go.”

“Thank you Joe,” Lauren said.

“Anytime,” I said. I leaned down to brush my lips against Lyss’ forehead. “I love you,” I whispered, low enough so Lauren couldn’t hear.

****

I love you. It kept repeating in my head. I love you…Wait, not Nick’s voice. I love you. Joe? I opened my eyes to come to find Lauren staring right at me.

“Hi,” I said.

“Hey,” she said softly. “How are you feeling?”

“Fine,” I said, sitting up. “Where’s Joe?” I asked looking around.

“He’s in his and Kevin’s room. He left when I came back.”

“I see. What time is it?”

“Almost 10.”

“Are we leaving soon?”

“In about an hour. You’re all packed right?” she asked.

“Pretty much, just have to pack these once I change out of them.” I said, looking down at my t-shirt and sweats. “I’ll be ready real quick.”

“I’ll wait for you. Then we can go to Denise and Kevin Sr.’s room for breakfast.”

“Oh… yeah, okay.”

****

Breakfast was… awkward. Majorly awkward. The only ones, who seem to know about… the breakup, were Lauren, Joe, Nick, and I. Nick and I didn’t talk to each other, didn’t even look at each other the entire time. Therefore, leading to glances from everyone else, all of them questioning. They’d find out soon enough but… not here… not now. Joe kept looking my way, concern etched upon his face. I smiled slightly at him, a silent thank you for last night.

Once everyone was ready we grabbed our stuff and headed back onto the bus. Now, to make things even more awkward... Let’s cram onto a bus with your ex-boyfriend and his family the day after you breakup. Great.

As soon as I stepped foot on that bus, Joe did not leave my side once. Nick kept glaring over at us but even through the anger, I saw the sadness. I squirmed in my seat on the couch and Joe glanced at me, his eyebrows furrowed.

“I’m fine,” I whispered. “I think I should talk to Lauren now. Explain what happened.”

“Want me to come too?”

“No, it’s okay. Thank you.” I said, standing up. I walked over to Lauren where she sat at the table with Kevin and Nick. Nick’s eyes were on me the whole time and it made me uncomfortable. “Laur, can I talk to you for a bit?”

“Of course,” she said, standing up from the table and walking with me to the recording area of the bus. I closed the door and slumped down to the floor against the wall.

“Did you feel that?”

“Feel what?”

“Joe’s and Nick’s eyes burning holes into our backs as we walked back here. Joe’s out of concern, Nick’s out of hurt.”

“Oh, so that’s what that was.” She said… trying to cheer me up? “Honey, what happened?”

“Well, it was all great, we went to Andeloro’s, in a horse drawn carriage, he ordered me three different kinds of pasta, tiramisu, and…. Oh, my God!”

“What, what is it?”

“I forgot the meatball. I left it in the limo.”

“That doesn’t matter now. What happened after the restaurant?”

“Well, that’s where the limo comes in. the driver picked us up and we drove out of the city to a field where sitting there for us was a vintage Mustang convertible and a movie screen rose up out of the field and we watched ’27 Dresses’. Then we went back to the limo to drive us back to the hotel and a thunderstorm started and once the driver pulled up Nick said ’I love you’ and I just… froze. I couldn’t say it back; it didn’t feel right to say it back. Because I don’t love him… and it was so ironic that it was storming because you know how much I love thunderstorms and there I am, breaking the heart of my boyfriend because I don’t love him. So… we broke up.” I said, shrugging my shoulders at the end of my explanation.

“And you’re not… upset?” she asked.

“Well yeah I’m upset. Mainly with myself for breaking Nick’s heart like that but… not upset enough to cry.”

“So… where does this leave you? With Joe?”

“I don’t know. I need time to think about that. I can’t just go straight to him and hurt Nick even more. I could never do that and I don’t think Joe could either.”

“Of course, neither do I.” she said, pulling me into her side.

****

Kevin’s POV

“Nick, what’s going on? You and Melissa haven’t talked at all today. Hell, forget talk, you haven’t even looked at each other.”

“We broke up,” he croaked out, not looking up from the table. I lifted my gaze and looked at Joe who nodded his head. I tilted my head to the side and Joe took the hint and went to his bunk. Mom, Dad, and Frankie were up with the driver and Mel and Lauren were still talking leaving Nick and me alone.

“Talk to me. What happened?”

“I said ’I love you’ and she didn’t say it back. End of story.”

“You said ’I love you’?” I asked.

“Yes. And she obviously loves Joe. He won, I lost the girl Kev. It’s over.”

“Nick,” I said softly.

“No Kev, I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” He said, standing up and going to his bunk. He shut the curtain and Joe and I exchanged a glance. He turned his iPod off, jumped down from his bunk, and sat at the table with me.

“Is that where you were last night? When Lauren left?” I whispered.

“Yeah, you two were in our room so I just went into Lauren and Lyss’ room and…”

“What?”

“I was singing that song I wrote about her. Remember I showed you some of it? Well, I don’t know how much of it she heard but she was there when I finished and she was soaking wet and I knew something was wrong. So, I just sat with her for awhile, we talked a bit, then she fell asleep. That’s when I texted Lauren.”

“Joe, I know how much you like her but…”

“Yeah, Kev, I know. I would never do that to Nick. He probably wouldn’t believe me though if I told him I’d never have the heart to do that.” He said.

“Okay… I believe you.” I said. I heard footsteps and turned my head, Lauren and Melissa were coming back.

****

After I replayed last night’s events in my head and told Lauren, we sat in silence in the recording area. Her arm wrapped around my shoulders as I sat with my knees pulled up to my chest. Then, I remembered something else.

“He wrote me a song.” I said quietly.

“Another one?”

“No, not Nick.” I said, looking up at her. “Joe. Joe wrote me a song. At least, I think it’s for me.”

“Really?”

“Last night when I went back up to the room I opened the door just a little in case you were sleeping or even in there with Kevin,” I said, she nudged me in the ribs with her elbow, “but I heard singing. It wasn’t you and it wasn’t Kevin and it definitely wasn’t Nick so I peeked in and there was Joe, sitting on my bed, playing his guitar and singing. I stayed quiet so I could listen and Lauren, it was beautiful. When he was done he just looked down at his guitar and then, real quiet, he said my name. My name and I know he hadn’t seen me yet. That’s when I opened the door.”

“What did he do?”

“Well, at first he seemed nervous but then I guess he noticed something wrong because he shot up and wrapped me in his arms asking me what was wrong.”

“Wow…”

“Yeah,” I whispered.

“Okay, enough of this. Want to go back out?”

“Yes.” I said, standing up. We walked past the bunks and knew Nick was in his, his curtain was closed. Joe and Kevin both looked up when they heard us approaching and Kevin stood up to hug me.

“I’m sorry Mel,” he said.

“It’s okay Kevin. I’m fine.” I whispered, in the off-chance that Nick may have been listening. Joe moved over at the table so I could sit next to him and once I did his arm was automatically around me. I leaned into him and sighed. “Breaking up is exhausting.” I mumbled.

His chest rumbled as he laughed. He smoothed my hair back and kissed my forehead, sending shivers up and down my spine. It’s too soon.

Nick stayed in his bunk the rest of the day. Stupid idea because of course Denise automatically assumed something was wrong. Well… something was wrong but she thought it was his diabetes… not his heart. Finally, she gave up on trying to figure out what was wrong with him and came to talk to me. Joe and I were sitting on the couch together… he hadn’t let me alone once… well except to use the bathroom but other than that… he seemed to be protecting me.

“Melissa,” she said slowly, looking at me.

“Yes Denise?”

“What’s going on sweetheart? With you and Nicholas… I’ve never seen him so upset.”

I sat up as best as I could because Joe was still keeping his arm around me, keeping me close, protecting me. I glanced up at him and he loosened his grip a bit so I could sit comfortable. I turned in my seat to face Denise so I was leaning into Joe a little.

“Denise,” I sighed. “We broke up.”

“What? When?”

“Last night. We came back from our anniversary date and he told me he loved me…”

“And… you didn’t say it back.” She said slowly.

“No,” I whispered. She sighed and pulled me into her.

“I never expected you to sweetheart. I know you love him, but I knew it wasn’t in that way. I didn’t say anything because I knew sooner or later you’d figure it out. Have you tried talking to him?”

“No he’s avoiding me.” I said, then in a whisper I added, “I don’t think he’s very fond of my ’protector’.”

“Yes, I see the problem with that. Don’t worry about Nick, he’ll be fine.”

“I hope so.”

****

Around 10:30, I was so exhausted. It was time for bed. I stood up and said goodnight to everyone and went behind the curtain to the bunks. I grabbed my pajamas and my toiletries from my bunk and walked to the bathroom. I was about to open the door when it opened itself and Nick stepped out. We stood there, staring at each other for a minute. I shifted uncomfortably. Say something.

“Nick… Nick I’m so-”

“Don’t waste your breath Melissa.” He said, putting his hands up. “It doesn’t matter. I get it, you don’t love me. Excuse me.” He said, walking around me back to his bunk where he slammed the curtain shut.

That did it. I felt the tears threatening to spill over now. I walked into the bathroom and changed and brushed my teeth as fast as I could then rushed to my bunk and let the tears take over. How much pain I had caused him finally hit me and I felt so guilty. So terrible…

“Lyss?” Joe asked, opening my curtain. I looked up at him, my vision clouded by my tears. “Oh, Lyss,” he said, climbing into the bed next to me. He pulled me close to him, my head buried in his chest. I just cried and cried for what felt like forever. He kept smoothing my hair back and kissing the top of my head… “It’s okay.” He whispered over and over.

And it was. It was okay.