A Sea Of Dead Drives Men Insane

“Home sweet home,” Max said, following me as I kicked the door to my apartment open. I placed Max’s huge heavy bass, snug in it’s case, down next to the door, I was used to hauling the band’s equipment around, since I only had a microphone to haul I didn’t mind helping out. Max followed with his amp and a huge backpack of clothes that hung from one of his shoulders.

He sighed, satisfied as he dumped his amp by his bass and his bag on my kitchen counter, almost knocking my beloved coffee maker off. The coffee maker that made my amazing gorgeous can’t-live-without coffee. It being out of use was out of the question.

“Careful of the coffee maker!” I exclaimed, jumping toward it to save it.

“Sorry!” Max giggled, pushing the coffee maker back toward the tiles and unzipping his bag. “I’ll make it up to you,” A sinister grin appeared on his face, I bit my lip.

“What do you mean?” I asked, leaning on the table. Something clanked and clinked around in his bag, I wondered what it was, I knew but I couldn’t place the sound to the object. I watched him pull 2 6 packs of Bud out of the top of his bag, and he smiled at me watching my face light up. Letting Max move in was definitely a good idea.

“Thought you might need these,” Max said, placing the bottles down with a final clank on the counter. I jokingly ran and hugged him around the waist, snuggling up to him like a toddler that had just had a new toy bought.

“Thank youuuuu,” I cooed, not letting go of him.

“Woah there dude, just cos I’m your flatmate doesn’t mean I’m your playmate,” Max giggled, playfully pushing me off. I giggled with him, covering my mouth.

“Sure you are, why do you think I asked you to move in? I haven’t been laid in months,” I joked. The last part was true, though.

“Ohh I get it now, so do you expect me to dress up in bunny ears and lingerie like that girl?” He said, pointing toward the magazine on the top of my Playboy pile. The girl on the front was a regular playgirl, bunny ears and a pink corset, winking toward the camera with her big bold eyes lined with eyeliner, fluttering her huge fake eyelashes.

I was a typical guy after all, you couldn’t blame me for having a Playboy pile.

“Oh yeah, totally. I’ve been fantasising about it for months,” I cackled loudly as Max’s eyebrows raised and he began to chase me around the apartment, rushing between furniture and appliances, making grabs for me at the corners.

We never stopped laughing the whole time.

------

“Another beer?” Max offered, calling from the kitchen as I sat cross-legged and bare footed in front of my completely conked-out television, 3 or 4 empty bottles around me. I burped loudly.

“Yeah, thanks,” I called back, pressing the eject button on the x box and removing the Medal of Honour game, putting it back in it’s box. Max returned with 2 more beers, cracking them open like a pro with his teeth, as they let out a little hiss of gas.

“What are we playing next?” He asked, passing me my beer. I took a swig, marveling at the lovely bubbling sensation rolling down my throat.
“Errr, you pick this time, my games are over there,” I pointed to my games rack in the corner, that accompanied my CD rack and DVD rack. What could I say, I was a sucker for CD’s, DVD’s and games. I was a typical guy I watched Max rearrange his black skinny jeans as he hobbled over to the racks, taking a swig of his beer. Play the X box games would get all the more amusing the more beers we had, it had already been hilarious when I thrashed Max on Rainbow six. We were pretty damn drunk. We must have been playing games for about 4 hours now, drinking steadily. I was happy doing this though, it made me forget what was happening in the real world.

“How about Mercenaries 2?” Max slurred, picking it out of it’s rack and showing it to me. I did like multi player on this game, it was another excuse to blow Max’s man to pieces and pretend it was Ronnie.

“Sure, watch me thrash you on this though,” I said, toying with the lip of the top of my beer bottle. Max passed me the game, and watched as I inserted the disc into the waiting open tray.

Making me jump, in the almost silence (apart from the hum of the X box in the background) my house phone rang. I jumped up, my legs protesting and contracting back into my previous position as I had been sat there for freakin’ hours. Max passed me the phone, taking it out of it’s little holder and I pressed the green button.

“Hello?” I spoke, putting the phone to my ear. All I heard was crackling on the other end. It sounded like a record player needle finding it’s place on the record to start playing.

“What is it?” Max asked, but I held a hand up to shut him up a second as I listened. I pressed the loudspeaker button, so Max could listen too, as the piano tune began to play. Max and I listened indignantly.

’Oh no, oh no, oh no....
Oh no you didn’t!

Oh no you didn't!
Sucka tried to play me, but you never payed me, never!
Oh no you didn't!
Payback is a coming, you will be running, forever!
Oh no you didn't!
Until I get my vengeance, I will never end this mayhem!
Oh no you didn't!
I'm a mercenary, you ain't got a prayer, you owe me!
Oh no you didn't!

“This is the Mercenaries 2 theme tune!” Max exclaimed, giggled shortly but stopping to listen again. I was confused, why was this being played down the phone?

Oh no you didn't!
Oh no you didn't!
Oh no you didn't!
Oh no you didn't!
Didn't you, Oh no!
You didn't pay me what you owe me...
So now it's over for you!

The tune sounded happy now, even though I’d gathered it was about murder. My light-hearted heart sank, this had to be linked to Ronnie. Who else would it be?

Oh no you didn't!
First you tried to trap me, then you bust a cap in my ass!
Oh no you didn't!
Such humiliation will bring annihilation, at last!
Oh no you didn't!
It will be delicious, when I get vicious, tomorrow!
Oh no you didn't!
There's no second chances, you will do the dance of sorrow!
Oh no you didn't!

“Max,” My voice shook with the rest of my body. Max didn’t seem to have twigged, as I turned to him, seeing that he was dancing.

“What? This is a good song...” He trailed off, seeing the colour drop from my face. “Oh,”

Oh no you didn't!
Oh no you didn't!
Oh no you didn't!
Oh no you didn't!
Didn't you, Oh no!
You didn't pay me what you owe me...
So now it's over for you!

Oh no you didn't!
Better watch your back boy, keep running
This ain't just a game, I'll never stop coming
I got my arsenal
I put out the call
And when I finish y'all
You'll be a rag doll

“Oh my god, this has to be Ronnie!” Max finally twigged, bending down to my level, wobbling, then plonking his ass on the floor beside me knocking some empty beer bottles over. He grabbed the phone out of my hand. “Ronnie, are you there??” He growled, drunkly but angrily down the phone. My stomach flipped, as the song just carried on.

Fool tried to diss me, now you're gonna wish you were dead!
Oh no you didn't!
After I deliver, your blood will be a river of red!
Oh no you didn't!
Better be aware, when no one's there to defend you!
Oh no you didn't!
So many ways to kill, it's gonna be a thrill to end you!
Oh no you didn't!

Oh no you didn't!
Oh no you didn't!
Oh no you didn't!
Oh no you didn't!
Didn't you, Oh no!
You didn't pay me what you owe me...
So now it's over for yoooooooooooooooooooooooou!

Oh no, Oh no, Oh no!
Oh no you-

And it ended with an explosion sound. I took a sharp intake of breath, and stopped dead as the sounds coming out of the phone carried on.

I heard a cackle, and Max froze beside me. It was sort of a high pitched giggle-type cackle. A sinister one at that.

“That’s Ronnie’s laugh,” Max whispered, suddenly seeming sober.

“I know,” I said, as the phone cut off, leaving the laugh unfinished. I could imagine, that that laugh would last longer than we would ever know.