Killing Joy

“Nickins, where are we going??” Jonathan lost his breath as we ran along the venue. People’s eyes were on us and some of the fans were tailing us, like we were running after something interesting.

“Shh..” I commanded as we tried to extrude the fans politely. We decided to walked out from the venue reminding that FTSK had performed, so it wasn’t a matter if I kidnapped the singer.

We walked along the sidewalk, Jonathan kept shot a confused look, he was really curious why I dragged him out from the venue.

“Nicky, where are we going?” he asked again and this time his voice was the mixture of harsh and panic. as my pace stopped in front of shop, his eyes glowered widely and shot a more confused look. “Drugstore?”

“You made me sick, Jonathan. You’re right, I need to take my pregnancy test….” I said softly biting my lower lip like I was about to cry.

“WHATT??” he interjected out loud “Nicky are you preg—“ with that I shut his mouth in sudden and growled.

“Shut the fuck up, Cook!” I roared

“Nicky, seriously? You’re..” he started again when we entered the store. The store was less crowded and we made our way to the section where pregnancy tests were sold.

“I don’t know, Jay. I puked every morning, and I just thought it was the side effect of my cold. But until, you said that I might be pregnant, I was hesitated. I’m scared”

“B..b.but.. oh my God… but, whose is it? ehmm.. it must be Zack’s”

“Zack and I are not into that relationship thingy, Jonathan. Zack always says, he never wanted to have sex with me until we are man and wife..” I swallowed hard and blinked once as Jonathan eyes widened again as if he knew the answer. In fact, he really did know the answer.

“Wow.. it’s Caleb’s”

My jaw started to shake madly, I was going to cry out loud but I held it. I kept it tight, even I couldn’t take my reality that.. what if I was really pregnant? I couldn’t hate the baby just because I hated its dad.

Jonathan’s eyes softened and he rubbed my top head trying to comfort me.
“It’s okay Nicks. Let’s just hope it’s a false alarm. I’m really sure it is” he tried “It could be the side effect though. Come on, you go try the test, if not we aren’t going to know whether you’re preggo or not”

I sighed deeply and took the pregnancy test with Jonathan leading me to the cashier. I purchased it while the cashier smiled politely to me.
“It’s nice having a newlywed buying this test. I just love to see happy couple this lately” she stated

“Uhh..” my cheeks were burned. Haha, Jonathan was my fake husband.

“Well, yes.. I love her” Jonathan said awkwardly wrapping his hand on my shoulder.

“Okay, have a nice day. And good luck for the test” she nodded while we headed out from the drugstore.

“Euw, I’m your husband? Not cool!” he stated spitting the imaginary words out from his mouth while we walked back to the venue. I wrapped the test tightly beneath my hoodie pocket ignoring the light cursing that came from Jonathan.

“I need to take this test as fast as I could..Jay…” I said weakly

“Easy girl, don’t panic like that. It’s gonna be really alright, trust me!” he replied, and finally we reached the venue. I hurriedly made my way to the tour bus with Jonathan. We decided to keep this secret and necessarily walked into the bus. I found no one in sight, and with that Jonathan waited for me on the couch while I made my way to the bathroom.

As I locked the bathroom, I sighed and let out the wrapper with sweaty palm. Oh shit, I was gonna take my pregnancy test in my nineteen year old. SHIT!

I sighed biting my lower lip and then started to pee the test.

“Nicky?? How’s it?? Nicks??” it was Jonathan

“I read the direction that I need to wait.. shut up Jon, you make me panic!!”

I finished my business and tidied myself with my face faced the mirror. It’s pretty obvious I showed panic reaction on my face. I didn’t want to be pregnant. Not with the one I never loved.

I gulped and watched the stick for the longest time. please, mini stick, hear me.. you just need to show one single pink line. Please. One line. One line. One line.

One line.

One line.

Please… just one single pink line.

“Jonathan? What are you doing here?” I heard another voice came into the bus while I was waiting for the result.

“Uhh.. hey Jack, I was just hanging around with your.. uhmm.. baby sissy” Jonathan sounded uneasy. Oh my God, Jack.

“Nicky? Where is she?”

“The bathroom” Jonathan replied “Uh-oh.. hey Zack”

My eyes widened when I was panic because there was Zack too. No one could know that I was taking my pregnancy test! Oh my god!! What if I was pregnant, and then Jack, Zack and everyone found out! I didn’t want to get the consequences that I’d lose Zack because I was pregnant from somebody else.

“Hey Jonathan. What’s up?” I heard feet thumping on the bus. And another thump, I was sure the boys had taken their shower and decided to come back to the bus.

“Nicky??” then, the door was knocked by Jack which made me gasped a bit.

“One minute, Jack…” I responded as I rushed to clean up the test in panic. I was still waiting for the result which hadn’t shown yet.

One line.

One line.

I kept thinking of one line.

I just need one single line for the result. Please dear God. If you want to punish me for every sins I’d been up to, please don’t punish me with this.

One line.

And… it came for finally.. there showed…

XXX