Killing Joy

White ceiling, stinging scent, whites, and silence were things I’d be around with. My eyes were like burned, my head was hammered so bad and my body was really really tired and swayed.

Slowly but sure, I heard somebody was talking next to me, but I hadn’t got my eyes opened yet so I couldn’t tell who it was. I attempted my hands to move, they made good rubbing my eyes and forced them to wide awake.

I let out my whiny mumble but soon, I realized something.

I wasn’t in hotel room or my bedroom. I was on hospital bed and particularly, I was hospitalized.

Wait a sec, what was I doing?

Oh. I remembered I was fainted. Again as if I was a porcelain dolls which easily could be broken.

“Nickins? You awake?” someone called and stroked my head softly. I slowly opened my eyes and found some blurry figures in front of me. His dark hair fell from his forehead onto his eyes hiding his beautiful eyes. Fuck, he has got no beautiful eyes. Jack was ugly.

But on the other way, there stood a beautiful doctor with her doctor suit and her stethoscope hung on her neck smiling to me. The doctor was smiling truthfully to me while Jack smiled forcefully.

“I was fainted, yes?” I asked with my raspy voice not a chance to talk.

Jack nodded with his weak smile.

I suddenly got up from my laying form, with that the doctor held me and asked me to get back laying on the bed.

“I’m okay…” I assured them but the doctor shook her head.

“No, you’re not. You need a bed rest all the day” she said with her motherly tone which made me suddenly reminded my mom back in Baltimore.

“What?? We’re leaving the town, doc. I should—“ my raspy voice sounded raspier.

“The guys already know about this. The other bands have left the town. Only All Time Low and Forever The Sickest Kids who still remained. No worries, Nickins” Jack reassured me.

“FTSK?” I asked

“Yes, they’re worried about you especially…” Jonathan or Kyle! Just don’t say it’s him, Jack. “Caleb”

I groaned silently as I eyed off my brother. So it meant, Caleb was still in the town. And the worst thing, he waited for me. That freak!

“And Nicky, you need to know something” he swallowed his saliva and shot some uneasy look on me. “The doctor just said you… uhmm..” he swallowed hard once again “Uhmm.. you’re preggo”

I suddenly faced my brother with gloated eyes as I shrieked in unheard voice of ‘WHAT???!!!’

“You’re pregnant for two months, Mrs. Turman. I just examined you and found some pregnancy sign from your body. Congratulation Mrs., you’ll be a mother” the doctor smiled wider than before but not as wider as my eyes which were already to jump out.

“You’re kidding, doc” I said in incoherent jumble mumble which I could tell she couldn’t hear it.

“Nicks?” Jack called out.

“I’m,” I cleared my throat roughly forcing it to let out the clearer voice. “I am not pregnant, doc. I have tested it with the pregnancy test and it was about two months ago. It said negative. And for your information, I have never had sex in that term”

The doctor frowned and let out a sigh. “I’m sorry to say, some of the pregnancy tests are not accurate for 100% though. I 99% believe that you are pregnant, Mrs. You could start your doctor appointment until you ended your bed rest for today” she said shoving her hands into her jacket pockets. “I may excuse myself, if you have any questions, you can ask me. Congrats once again, Mrs. Turman” oh fuck, whenever she mentioned my last name!

The doctor slouched briefly as she then made her way out from the room. I bit my lower lip when the door creaked closed as she closed it because as the door closed it’s time to explain everything to Jack.

I started to gasp harder and my body was shaking wildly, my eyes became watery and I burst into tears. An everlasting wild tears.

I was pregnant.

I squeezed my flat stomach gasping out loud and cried more. I was forced to marry a manwhore, then, I was raped by him. I lost my virginity with him. And then, finally I became pregnant without my willing. Why this happened to me? Why my life was so fucked up like this?

“Nicky.. shhh..” Jack plopped down next to me and wiped my tears. I got up and hugged him like I meant it. I squeezed his lanky shoulder really tight and cried on his shoulder as I let out my raspy cry.

“I’m pregnant… i.. I don’t want to be like this…” I whispered

“Sissy.. stop crying please, baby. It’s gonna be alright. Uhmm…” he coaxed until I fully stopped crying but still letting out my breathless sob. “So…” he started “You did try the pregnancy test before??”

“Uhh.. yes…” I said hesitated

“Well.. is it Zack’s then?”

I fell in long silence when he mentioned Zack. What if Zack found out that I was pregnant. I was really scared that he might break up with me. I didn’t want to break up with him. I loved him. so much!

“No… I h-have never had sex with him” I gulped

“And??” he demanded

“The one who took my virginity” I squeaked

“What? Who?” he started to became serious and was like really tensed to figure whose baby it was.

“Caleb” I bit my lip and I dunno what came to me because suddenly I burst out in tears again. “Jack, I don’t want to be pregnant. I don’t want to have babies with him” I cried louder as Jack leaned on to me and stroked my hair.

“Sssshhh.. don’t say like that”

“I thin—I th—I think I’ll take the abortion” I said breathlessly

“WHAT? NO WAY NICKY! I really hate that plan, that kid has rights to live, Nicks. Like we do” it was the first time I heard Jack said his wisdom. And, I decided to hear his suggestion.

“But please… don’t tell this to anybody especially Zack. I don’t want to ruin pur relationship”

“How about Caleb? He needs to know that he’s a father”

CALEB? I didn’t think he needs to know

“I don’t want him to know about this” I hissed to Jack

“But—“

“I’ll raise this child with myself if I need to. In fact, I’ll be breaking up with him soon enough. So no matters”

“Nicks, he deserves to know”

“NO!! I wont be ever telling this! And you will never tell him too. Okay?”

“Uhmm..”

“JACK!”

“Okay..” he said softly

“BUHH..” I pouted “Like doctor said, I need a bed rest for the day” I said pulling my blanket on my body as Jack got off from the chair next to the bed. He smiled weakly to me and kissed my forehead

“Okay baby, sleep well. I’m gonna call the guys”

I blanketed my face and heard Jack’s step toward the door. I gulped and bit my lip holding my tears uselessly. I tore my eye out again harder as I rubbed my flat stomach picturing the baby in there.
“Sleep well baby…” I said copying Jack to my stomach.

XXX