Killing Joy

After I had the conversation about my baby with my mom, I headed to my bedroom and then my mom was out to somewhere. But then she came back again with box in her hand and put it on my bed. I hadn’t touched the box yet, because I was bored and chose to just laid there on my bed without doing anything. What a lazy bum. But I don’t care.

I was alone in my bedroom with eyes clung on the motioning TV that showed some talk show. I got up slowly and stretched my back yawning like a hippo. And then I decided to open the box next to me. It was a big blue box with polkadot pattern all over it. as I slid to the box, I opened up it and found some colorful paper scrap around a dress. I gasped a bit and let the everyday dress that my mom just purchased.

I remembered when my mom put the box on my bed, I was too concentrating with the show so I just didn’t buy what she’d told me. Oh lovely, it was a one piece everyday dress and….

What the fuck?

It was maternity dress? As I doodled in the box, I found another dress too and it’s maternity clothes too. Hell no! I was not going to wear that! I’d be looked fat! Screw, I was going to be fat soon enough! But I was not going to lie, the maternity dress was beautiful and it’s like… the dress was meant to be worn by a happy mother not for me. Not that I didn’t happy toward the baby, but… well you know how I feel, right?

I got off from the bed and stripped my clothes down and slid in the fresh new maternity dress. Maybe it’s too big for or too small for me but in fact, it really fit to my petite body. And when I looked at my reflection on my body sized mirror, I looked fine.

I just smiled to myself and rubbed my flat stomach lovingly. I might be pregnant without my willing, but I had no idea I already fell in love with my baby. I was looking forward to see him coming to the world. And then, I heard a knock from my door. The door revealed someone I didn’t want to talk to and you know who it was.

“Nicky?” I heard his liable voice and he appeared from the back of mine while I spotted him was right behind me when I saw our reflection. I spun my heels and faced him with a loud sigh.

“What do you want?” I replied softly. He was looking and scanning me in my maternity dress as I could see he merely grinned. He watched my orbs with his and he took a couple steps in front of me, he sighed deeply while he made his hand way up to my cheek rubbing it gently. I frowned at him and was about wipe his hand away from my cheek.

He suddenly pressed his lips on mine very slowly and gentle. But he pulled away, “I love you, Nicky” his voice was a bit raspy. I knew it. He didn’t let his eye of from mine as if he waited for my respond back to him to say ‘I love you too’ but of course I didn’t say that. I just kept my silence. He sighed and put his forehead on mine as he kissed my temple. For some reasons, I had no clue why I loved the way he kissed me.

“Why do you hate me so much?” he abruptly asked

“What?”

“Do you really hate me that bad so that you lied to me that the baby wasn’t mine?” he repeated making me gasped a bit because I didn’t know how he could know.

“I.. I.. I don’t know what you are talking about”

“You do, Nicky. You do know this. You’re pregnant and it’s mine, why do you have to lie to me?” his voice was really soft like a lullaby, I really liked it.

“Caleb…” I said pulling away from him

Caleb stepped back and rubbed his face frustratingly. “I asked Zack, Nicky. And he told me everything”

My eyes were about to drop when I heard him. He suddenly kneeled in front of me and put his head on my stomach like usual dad who was trying to hear some heart beat from his eife’s stomach. He rubbed my stomach delicately and kissed the stomach when I was like what the fuck! He stood up again and faced me.

I was stunned a bit when he showed his love at the baby. Caleb was possessed to be a caring dad? The world went insane.

“I just need some explanation why did you lie to me about my baby?” he let out his serious tone and he stepped again toward me.

“B-b..b-“ I stuttered oh fuck! “Because.. this is not your baby, Caleb” I was too lame to lie.

Caleb groaned, “Nicky, quit it! Quit lying to me! I have been tired over this! Just hell tell me the truth!” he heightened his tone and swallowed hard.

“Because I thought it’s the best way to make our separation easier by making you hating me”

“Shit, do you think I will hate you at that time? I have fallen hard for you, and I was contemplating that I would accept the baby even if it wasn’t mine as long as I could still be with you… Nicky..” Caleb raked his hair and shut his eyes. He exhaled and inhaled at the moment and then opened his eyes again looking into my eyes. “Apparently, your attempt is really failed,”

“Caleb, for how many times need I tell you that I don’t love you, huh? I can’t live with you, Caleb. All I want is we break up, and with that I’d be happy” his stare was like a begging puppy dog at that time, I couldn’t help it not to put my sympathy on him. But of course I couldn’t, I would just give him some empty hope. “Unfortunately, my mom doesn’t accept my wish this time, she said she wanted to see the baby see his complete parents first and then she said we could break up” on my last statement, Caleb seemed not buying it, he was facing down.

“Cay,” I called out.

He lit up his head, his face was disheveled and crumpled. “I’ll make you happy then…” he said before heading out from my room. I didn’t know what he was going to do but well at least I finally could let go from him.

I’ll make you happy then. It’s a nice words to hear…

He’s out of my life. Thank you, God.

XXX