Killing Joy

The room I’d been in was pretty small, but it was roomy for me. it wasn’t as big as my own bedroom in Barakat’s residence. It was my first morning in Dallas, I remembered what happened the day before. I was crying all night without letting anyone to see me.
I skipped lunch and dinner. It’s just made my mom became worried to me because I was pregnant and she said it’s not good for the baby.

Well, I was so upset last night so I didn’t let my mom coming to the room I’d been. The morning had come. I heard my stomach growled frantically and it’s hurting me. Soon, I heard someone knocked the door. I shouted to the knocker that the door wasn’t locked. And speaking of devil, someone brought a breakfast tray which probably you know that it was Caleb.

Caleb wore a green vneck and black pants, it seemed he already took a shower. His flaming ginger hair was tidied and he wore a morning smile to me. Wait, I was upset with him, I couldn’t let him in. In due I was pregnant and that morning I had got I had got a lazy ass, I couldn’t got up to shut the door again extruding him out.

I chose to stay still on my bed and sighed longingly when he came approaching me. his smile suddenly faded as he slowly put the tray on the bed for me.

“I get your breakfast, Nicks” he said hesitated.

“Thanks” I muttered

We fell in long silence as I felt Caleb’s eyes were on mine. He’d been staring at me like he was composing words to talk.

“You can go, I’ll eat it later” I said arrogantly

“Uhm… actually, I want to talk with you”

I faced him in sudden with lazy eyes, “I’m not in the mood—“

“Nicky, I’m sorry. I feel bad that you were crying yesterday..”

“I wasn’t crying!” I denied “I got dust into my eyes, and then they became watery..” well, I was lame at lying that time. Caleb sighed and I couldn’t believe that he hopped onto the bed suiting himself next to me.

“I was frustrated when went off to Dallas. I was thinking of you on and on. I was trying my hard to forget about you, but it’s failed…” he started without daring to see me in the eye. I groggily listened to him while I played with the peanut butter on my toast. “Personally, I didn’t want to let you go. I didn’t want you to be with Zack. But I heard by leaving you, you’d be happy. You’d be happy without me. So, I was just trying to make you happy while I’m on deep misery… waiting for you like a stupid guy”

My heart thumped faster when he told me that. I didn’t know he could love me deeply like that.

“I didn’t say that you need to leave me. I didn’t say I want you to go back to Dallas. I was trying to say, don’t bother my relationship with Zack and we.. uhh.. we could be friends again”

“It’s not that easy, Nicky. I cannot be friends with a girl I really loved’” he stuttered.

Loved.

He loved me. He didn’t say like he love me. But he loved me. So, did it mean he didn’t love me anymore while I was starting to fall for him? Okay, I admit, that.. maybe I like him. A lot since he left.

“And then, like two months later, I met somebody. She’s Austin friend, and she helped the band when the band had some little shows in some events. She’s Daniella. Well, she’s nice, cheerful, beautiful, and very friendly…” I was silent all the time he mentioned Dani. I wish I could plug my ears.

“Then, after a random show, she showed me something. She kissed me and told that she’s liked me ever since we first met. And she wanted me. I couldn’t say no, because particularly I started to like her from the day one. So then, we’ve been dating since that”

“So, it’s like boyfriend and girlfriend? Or just friends with benefits, huh?” I asked dumbly

“Err.. it’s a proper date. Boyfriend and girlfriend, of course. I.. I;m sorry Nicky..” he said quietly. “You have hurt me so much, and I was sinking, I just cant—“

“So..” I scoffed “So you were joking when you told me that you loved me, huh? What a nice joke, Turms” I hinted my annoyance and didn’t lie that I was going to tear my eye out again.

“No” he said rapidly, he faced me and took my hand. “I did love you, Nicky. I did. I swear, I’ve never felt like that before. I’ve never been in real love with a girl before you. But people change,”

“Change?” Change? He changed? Like mean, he didn’t love me again?

“I don’t like Dani anymore. But it turned into something more, I love Dani”

You know how did it feel when he said that? I felt suddenly my heart burst into a bloody bomb and it was thrown into a can. My stomach lurched, and I guessed the baby could feel my heartbreaking. He kicked my stomach and made it stung badly. He practically said he didn’t love me anymore, it’s quite could make me felt worsened.

“Ok” I responded weakly hiding my sobbed breath. “I understand” I lied “I’m glad you could move on” I lied again and bit my tongue.

Caleb grinned, he nodded and gave a quick kiss on my forehead. He excused himself from me and gave time for me to eat the breakfast. Then he disappeared from the room leaving me with wounded pain on my heart.

I couldn’t take it. I hated to be selfish. I was a stubborn and snotty bitch before. and I regretted it so much. I never realized that actually the more I rejected him, the more I fell for him.

I think, I love Caleb Turman. And I wasn’t joking around.

I should take the worst risk of being a wife of band boys. Caleb has been being craved with crazed fangirls, they would definitely took the slight opportunities to have Caleb. Being a rockstar’s wife isn’t easy. It’s risky when it came to heart problem.

What should I do now?

XXX