Killing Joy

It was the most beautiful lullaby I could hear that time. The sound lulled me softly and made me felt easier. I opened my eyes and found the sunrays already stung my face while the wind blew my face from the window. There was a soft hand that stroked my head and it felt so lovable.

I tried to move my head but suddenly I could tell that my entire body was in numb struck. I frowned and moaned in pain making the hand that stroked my head stopped.

“Nicky?” it was obviously Caleb’s melodic voice. I couldn’t reply him and whimpered instead because I felt a painful pain all over my body. I realized something, I already had changed my dress. But it wasn’t my dress, I was in blue hospital dress, oh I was on the hospital bed.

“C—“ my voice was hoarse but I tried my best to manage it. “Caleb.. what ha—“

“Shh.. don’t speak, the baby is alright. He’s in the babies’ room. Don’t worry about him, Nicks…”

I nodded lightly at him, “Have.. you cal—“

“I’ve called mom and mom” he chuckled lightly “And the mates, and Zack…” he said softening his voice. “They’re on the way, but Zack seems cannot come this day, he and the band have something in the busy recording deal. But your brother will be here, no worries”

“Okay” I whispered.

I watched Caleb’s face intensely and then reached his hand to make a light squeeze on it. “Uh.. Cay..” I was about to say something.

“Have you found the right name for the baby?” he cut off.

Right, I forgot about the baby’s name. I should have told Caleb who was his name, well the name I’d been chosen.

“Uhmm… I have. But, it’d sound kinda weird to hear…”

Caleb chuckled once again while I observed his sparkling ginger hair because the sunrays cascaded on it. “Okay, I’m ready…” he smirked

“Uhh.. It’s Nickolas. Well, it’s my choice… I don’t know about your choice though” it seemed finally I could manage my hoarse voice, I could finally speak properly. But my body still hurt. Caleb arched his brows, “Well, I want my name in his name, you know… you could name your baby girl with Nichole. While the boy’s version supposed to be Nicholas or well in my case I want Nickolas…”

Caleb couldn’t help but grin, uh I knew it, it’d sound weird to have my name in my baby boy’s name even though I had the boy version name.

“Okay, I like it more with Nickolas too..” he smiled genuinely “And I like your reason. It’d be great to have 2 Nickys in our house” he laughed followed by my weak laugh but he stopped immediately. “I’m sorry..”

“Uh?”

“Well,” he chuckled nervously “It’s not like we’d be together in the future knowing our separation.. sorry”

With that I swallowed hard. I believed in myself that I, Nichole Turman didn’t want to divorce with him. I love him.

“I want him named with Nickolas… uhmm..” I bit my lower lip “Nickolas Michael Junior Turman?”

He paused and was a bit shocked, but he annoyingly burst out in laughing “That’s…”

“I know! It’s funny to hear, Turman..” I rolled my eyes while Caleb still laughed happily “But I want him to have your name too… and I choose your middle name” I averted his eyes and looked out the window where the wind breezed softly.

He didn’t laugh that time, he took my hand and stroked it softly. “Well, that’s nice to hear”

I smiled briefly as I stared to his beautiful orbs that brightened in the light room. “Caleb…” I motioned my hand to his jaw as he arched his brows. Maybe it’s time to gave in, well it’s not a maybe anymore. I should do it immediately or I’d regret it. I wouldn’t live with all the hidden lies again. I pulled his jaw to make he faced me closer.

I couldn’t get up from my pillow because like I said before, I was totally weak. So I took his jaw and made a move to press my lips on him. I kissed him softly as I felt his startled movement when our lips collided.

It was just a tender and genuine kiss from me. Once I pulled away, I stared into his eyes and spoke in proper sound.
“I love you, Caleb”

Caleb didn’t breathe. He even didn’t move, he kept staring to my eyes in such a shocked jolt. His eyes trailed to my lips and I felt his breath came to uneven. “What did you say?” he breathed in.

“For the longest time, finally I realized that actually I love you, Caleb Michael Turman….” I confessed from the pit of my heart. Oh yeah, I love him. And stupidly I just realized this by the past of this week.

And like for always, I got unlucky with the romance thingy. Caleb’s iPhone shrieked in his pocket making he moved away from me and answered the phone. He stared to the caller ID for a second and managed to speak.

“Yeah, baby?” he answered. My heart beat in full speed when I knew it was from Danielle. “Yes, I’ve told mom and.. uhm Mrs. Barakat” he glanced to me. Particularly, he still wanted to hide our relationship to Dani. I remembered his words before that he really loved Dani, and it wasn’t playing anymore. “You’re coming? With the band? Oh.. uhmm.. o-kay..” he said in hesitation. Then he said his good bye to Dani and shut his iPhone.

He faced me with his uneasy look, “She’s coming here. She said she was really glad that finally you gave the birth to the baby. She said she wanted to see Nickolas”

I nodded once and without looking to his eyes, I chuckled, “I’m sorry. I’ve said horrible things. I know that you’re dating her and my ego told me to tell the truth that I love you. It must be confusing for you, I’m sorry…” I swallowed my saliva and moved my sleeping position away from him despite knowing the fact that my body hurt so much.

“I’m sorry…” I whispered holding back my stupid whimpers. Caleb didn’t answer me.

Then the door was opened. It revealed a nurse with notepad in her hand and she smiled to us. “Good morning, Mr. and Mrs. Turman, I’d like to ask Mrs. Turman to give the uhhh.. so the baby haven’t been named, yes? The baby needs nutrition. You need to give him breast feed”

“Well, we have named the baby. I think I should register his name, right?”

“Surely, sir. And Mrs, I’ll be bringing your baby boy” the nurse then excused herself from the room leaving me and Caleb again. Caleb stared at me and sighed. He came to me and gave a kiss on my forehead.

“I’ll be right back. Lil Nick needs to be registered, okay?”

“Okay..” I whispered watching him walked out from the room.

In a minute later, a nurse came with my Nickolas. She gave me him as I snuggled Nick in my arm. He was so tiny, he was a bit hairless and his skin was still red. His eyes were shut tightly but he made some cute face with his tiny mouth. I chuckled a bit and played with his super tiny fingers. The nurse helped me with the breast feeding and then excused herself from me.

I kissed Nick’s head and rubbed his cheek with my knuckle, his skin was super soft. He was a bit hairless, but I could see some baby hairs on his head. He’s got a ginger hair too. Like his dad.

I whimpered softly remembering Caleb. Caleb wouldn’t be back to me, he already had the best girl for his life, Dani. Dani wasn’t a bitch type, she’s super nice. It apparently told me everything. Caleb technically told me that I couldn’t have him because he didn’t tell that he loved me back.

Nick whimpered a bit when he felt a tear came down on his forehead. I shushed him softly and kissed him.

“Mommy’s here, Nick. Mommy’s here. I’m sorry, Daddy wouldn’t be with you for a long time.. but he loves you.. he’s gone” I said to little Nick. Nick yawned and kept sucking on my breast.

One more thing, the separation would be declared once the baby came out. And it means, I’d be separated to Caleb.

XXX