Killing Joy

I was packing my clothes when I changed Nick’s diaper. He’s been crying when he felt his diaper was full. My clothes were everywhere and I hadn’t got chance to tidy them up and pack them into my suitcase. I’ll be leaving Dallas next week after I went to the court taking care of my divorcement.

I sighed longingly when suddenly my mind bubbled to Caleb. He’s been out for like two days and I hadn’t seen his presence during that time. I knew he must be there with Dani.

Nick was still crying his lungs out, “Shush.. shush.. Nicky…” I said to him and when I finished with the new diaper, I held him close, “Mommy’s here… mommy’s here” I patted his tiny back and lulled him before someone tapped my shoulder making me startled and gasped because I didn’t buy his knock before.

“I didn’t mean to startle you, Nicky” he said nervously as he looked at Nick. “Can I hold him for a sec?” he asked. I shrugged lightly and handed Nick slowly to him. Caleb smiled briefly at Nick and patted his small back. I watched the father and son and secretly admired the moment.

But it was snapped by my thoughts. What happened with him and Dani then?

“Daddy’s here… Nicky..” he said to Nick softly making Nick stopped crying and slept on Caleb’s shoulder. He fisted his little hands and shut his eyes, I was close to squeal in awe looking at them. “He smells so nice” Caleb whispered to me casually like there’s nothing happened between us two nights before.

“Of course, he’s a baby. And I just changed his diaper” I replied plainly.

Caleb looked at me as if he bought my monotonous tone. Well of course he did. “I never thought I will be holding my baby in my age like now…” he bit his lower lip

“I know, you never mean to be a dad. You never want a kid”

Caleb knitted his brows and actually hurt at my words “It’s not what I mean, Nicky. I mean, I just never thought I’ll be a young dad. I always wanted a kid from you” he said walking away from me to Nick’s crib.

I could feel the crimson crept up on my face. What was that? What did he say? I only could remain in silence.

After he put down Nick and tuck him in, Caleb faced me as in he demanded something to talk. I just stared him for the longest moment, and we fell in silence for awhile.

“I finally broke up with her” he said referring Dani. I clung on my spot with my eyes widened a bit and then came to the normal size again. “I know I love her, but I’ve been contemplating that… I should be breaking up with her”

“Why?” I said in still shocked tone

“She said, it’s the best for us. Then also, I’m married and have a kid”

I scoffed, “We’re divorcing in no time, Caleb”

“What? I haven’t registered it..”

“I have”

“What!!” he gloated “Nicky, what are you doing, huh!”

“I’m doing for our sake, obviously. It’s for everyone’s good”

“It’s not good at all! I have Nick! I can’t divorce with you…”

I sighed, “Don’t worry about Nick. I’ll be taking care of him, and you can continue your music business without a wife or even kid. It’s easier like that”

Caleb clenched his teeth and fisted his hands. I could see his knuckles turned white because he held them too tight. He stepped right in front of me, he faced down to me with a mixed look but mostly was hurt.
“It’s not that easy, Nicky. I fucking love you and Nick! I’m not divorcing with you”

He rubbed my cheek softly with his back of hand making me shivered. I moved his hand away from my face and looked him seriously.

“You love me too, Nicky. Why do you need to make it difficult again? We know that we love each other. We can live together now, there’s nothing to be worried again” he bent down and swallowed my lips.

“I love Zack as well, Caleb” I said. Caleb’s lips were tensed while his eyes darted on mine.

“Don’t say you’ll choose him over me. You’ve hurt me a lot by dating him, Nicky”

“I don’t choose both of you. I.. I never think to be some stupid heartbreaker. Right, I’m not choosing you both” I huffed and raked my hair. I sat on my bed contemplating, Caleb mirrored my move.

“Please, just understand my position here, Cay…”I whispered. With that Caleb sighed deeply and then kissed my forehead.

“Okay, I’ll let you think of it, Nicks. You just need to know, that I love you…” he then got off from the bed and made his way out from the room.. leaving me thinking of the right decision to take.

XXX