Status: Finished
Moving Is the Hardest Part
Wanna Have Someone I Can Hold
Star's Pov
I unlock the front door of my house and go straight up to my room. “God I want to die!” I scream into my pillow picturing Brian and Michelle in bed. My eyes fill with tears and I begin to cry. First Zacky with Gena and now Brian with Michelle! My cell goes off, “Hello?” I answer trying to steady my breathing and voice. “Star?” “Hi Miss. Birdy how’s it going?” “I’m fine dear how are you?” I feel like shit…I hate it here and I want to be home in my mother’s house, sleeping in her bed with her arms around me! I really want to say, but instead ...“Everything is good here. I got a lot of friends and good grades just like mom wanted.” comes out. Miss. Birdy doesn't say anything for a few minutes.
“Um Star what would you say if you came back to Westchester to live with me?” I don’t believe it did she just read my thoughts? If I go I”m away from Brian and Zack, but what about the others...I can’t punish them for Brian and Zack’s mistakes…can I? “…Um well…I like it here, I mean I love Westchester, but here I have family and friends who understand what I’m going through.” I say realizing I can’t leave Matt all by himself cause who’s going to jump in a fight when one of the girls start hitting him? If I leave Jim and Zack will have no one to look out for. I can hear Miss. Birdy talking, but I don’t know what she’s saying.
“Sherry? Sherry?” “Huh?” “Did you hear me?” “Yea…no I’m sorry I just got my plate full of stuff I need to get done.” “Oh well I’ll see you in two weeks.” “Okay can’t wait.” I say thinking she’s just visiting. I hang up and stare at the wall that’s covered in pictures of my mom and I, dad, Matt and my friends. I get up off the bed and go into the bathroom, I strip out of my clothes and get a hot shower to try and wash my pain away. “Star! Star!?” voices yell. “In my room!” I yell turning off the shower. I hear footsteps coming towards my room, I hop out of the shower and wrap a black and purple HIM towel around my body. I open the bathroom door and everyone’s there on my bed.
“Um…hi?” I say walking over to my dresser to pick out my outfit for the day. “Look Star we know what Syn did and we talked to him. We heard what he had to say-" Val cut Matt off, “Do you want to talk about?” I walk towards the bathroom, “There’s nothing to talk about.” I whisper shutting the door behind me. I feel tears sting at my eyes and I let them fall, I hear them leave as I get dressed. I walk out of the bathroom, Zack is still there on the bed with Jim, Matt and Val. “Do you like him?” Matt asks. I look away, but Matt makes me look at him, “Do you still like him?” Matt asks again looking me in my eyes. “No.” I whisper and tears began to fall. Matt pulls me into a hug and I cry harder. Jim, Val and Zack all leave so Matt and I can talk. I sit on the bed, “Why are you crying?” Matt asks.
I open my mouth to speak, “I want the real reason.” Matt says and I look down at my hands. “…I don’t know.” I lie. “Bull! Sherry why are you crying tell me, I know it’s not because of Syn. Yeah you had a crush on him, but nothing like that will make you cry.” “It’s nothing.” “Sherry you’re lying to me! Come on tell me what’s really wrong.” I can’t take it any more I stand up and look Matt right in the eyes, “You wanna know what’s wrong with me? Hun? I’ll tell you what’s wrong! I love Zack! Okay I love Zack and he’s with Gena! I like Bri and he’s with Michelle! I’m alone Matt! I’m all alone with no one to love me! I wanna be loved! I wanna have someone I can hold, kiss, hug…hell I want someone I can tell anything to! Yeah I know I have you, but I want someone to love Matt! Like really love…like how you have Val!
“I want that!...Ha and you want to know the funny part? I thought maybe just maybe Zack was the one…the one, who would love me, but no he loves Gena…not me Gena…and he’ll always love Gena! Hump…let them think I’m crying over Brian, I don’t care…but Zack if they knew it was all because of Zack…no! No one can know how I really feel…its hopeless Matt don’t you see? Zack and I aren’t ever meant to be!” I yell venting all my anger and plopping down on the bed next to Matt.
Matt looks at me and nods his head, “I figured you liked Zacky, so what you want to do?” he asks. “I don’t know…I just don’t know anymore. At first I wanted to get as far away from you all as possible…” I see a flash of hurt flicker in Matt’s eyes, “But!” I say quickly. “But…you’re not the ones at fault…and I couldn’t be happier anywhere on Earth without you guys.” “So what are you saying?” I take a deep breath, “I’ll stay here…even if that means I’ll have to deal with looking at Zack and Gena. I’ll get over him sooner or later…right?” I ask. “Yea…sooner or later.” Matt says with a small smile, brushing hair out of my face. “Thanks Matt I owe you one.” Matt laughs, “You only owe me a new shirt.” He jokes showing me his shirt and it’s covered in my tears. I laugh, “Sorry.” “Don’t worry about it.” He says kissing the top of my head and leaving my room.
I put in a CD and write a few songs, I get board and pop in the movie mom made me. Just as it starts there’s a knock at my door, “Come in!” I yell and the door opens up to reveal Matt, the Berry’s, and the girls, but Zack and Gena are missing. “What you doing?” Val asks. “Bout to watch my mom’s movie…you can watch it if you want.” I say and they all sit on the bed and floor. “Where’s Zack?” I ask. “He went to drop Gena off at her place. Her mom called she has to clean or something like that.” Leana says and I make an “O” mouth. “Don’t worry he’ll be back.” Johnny says and I smile as the movie starts. About ten minutes into the movie Zack walks into the room with a big tube of Cookies and Cream ice cream. “Cookies!” I sequel and Zacky laughs holding the carton above his head. “Matt he won’t give me the ice cream!” I wine making them all laugh. “I’ll give you the ice cream if you sit with me!” Zacky says. “Deal! Now hand over the tear stopper!” I say and Zacky hands me the carton of ice cream.
Zack sits down in one of the huge bean bag chairs and I sit in his lap, “Would you like a spoon?” he asks as I open the ice cream. “Yeah a spoon would be great right now.” I say. “Here you are two spoons!” I look at Zacky and take one, “Uh what do I need two for?” I ask. “One for you and one for me! Duh!” he says shoving his spoon in the ice cream and scooping out a huge globe. “Hey you took like the whole thing!” I wine looking into the carton. “I did not! I took a little bit!” he says sticking the spoon in his mouth. “Fatty!” I mumble eating a spoon full of the ice cream. “I’m not fat.” Zacky says quietly in my ear sending shiver down my spine. “Shut up! I’m trying to watch your mom teach you how to count to ten!” Jim snaps throwing a pillow at Zacky and I. “Damn sorry, don’t have to go and throw pillows at us!” Zacky says shoving another spoon full of ice cream in his mouth.
“Hey Star…how are you and Brian going to get married with all this?” Lacey asks. “Don’t know, but there’s going to be a wedding one way or another.” I simply say and Zack starts to play with my hair. “Oh well don’t worry we’ll all be there for you.” Leana says with a smile. I look up at her, “I hope so! You’re my first bridesmaid!” I say and Leana smiles from ear to ear, “REALLY?! Oh my god the wedding party is so going to be popping!” she sings making us all laugh. “Can’t wait for the wedding…dad’s going to have a heart attack and it’s not even real…” Matt says and I nod. “Think he’ll try to kill Brian?” I ask. “Maybe!” everyone says and I laugh. Everyone goes back to watching the movie, Zacky and I keep eating the ice cream and I can't help but love every minute of it…feels good to be in his arms, in the arms of my secret lover that doesn’t love me…
I unlock the front door of my house and go straight up to my room. “God I want to die!” I scream into my pillow picturing Brian and Michelle in bed. My eyes fill with tears and I begin to cry. First Zacky with Gena and now Brian with Michelle! My cell goes off, “Hello?” I answer trying to steady my breathing and voice. “Star?” “Hi Miss. Birdy how’s it going?” “I’m fine dear how are you?” I feel like shit…I hate it here and I want to be home in my mother’s house, sleeping in her bed with her arms around me! I really want to say, but instead ...“Everything is good here. I got a lot of friends and good grades just like mom wanted.” comes out. Miss. Birdy doesn't say anything for a few minutes.
“Um Star what would you say if you came back to Westchester to live with me?” I don’t believe it did she just read my thoughts? If I go I”m away from Brian and Zack, but what about the others...I can’t punish them for Brian and Zack’s mistakes…can I? “…Um well…I like it here, I mean I love Westchester, but here I have family and friends who understand what I’m going through.” I say realizing I can’t leave Matt all by himself cause who’s going to jump in a fight when one of the girls start hitting him? If I leave Jim and Zack will have no one to look out for. I can hear Miss. Birdy talking, but I don’t know what she’s saying.
“Sherry? Sherry?” “Huh?” “Did you hear me?” “Yea…no I’m sorry I just got my plate full of stuff I need to get done.” “Oh well I’ll see you in two weeks.” “Okay can’t wait.” I say thinking she’s just visiting. I hang up and stare at the wall that’s covered in pictures of my mom and I, dad, Matt and my friends. I get up off the bed and go into the bathroom, I strip out of my clothes and get a hot shower to try and wash my pain away. “Star! Star!?” voices yell. “In my room!” I yell turning off the shower. I hear footsteps coming towards my room, I hop out of the shower and wrap a black and purple HIM towel around my body. I open the bathroom door and everyone’s there on my bed.
“Um…hi?” I say walking over to my dresser to pick out my outfit for the day. “Look Star we know what Syn did and we talked to him. We heard what he had to say-" Val cut Matt off, “Do you want to talk about?” I walk towards the bathroom, “There’s nothing to talk about.” I whisper shutting the door behind me. I feel tears sting at my eyes and I let them fall, I hear them leave as I get dressed. I walk out of the bathroom, Zack is still there on the bed with Jim, Matt and Val. “Do you like him?” Matt asks. I look away, but Matt makes me look at him, “Do you still like him?” Matt asks again looking me in my eyes. “No.” I whisper and tears began to fall. Matt pulls me into a hug and I cry harder. Jim, Val and Zack all leave so Matt and I can talk. I sit on the bed, “Why are you crying?” Matt asks.
I open my mouth to speak, “I want the real reason.” Matt says and I look down at my hands. “…I don’t know.” I lie. “Bull! Sherry why are you crying tell me, I know it’s not because of Syn. Yeah you had a crush on him, but nothing like that will make you cry.” “It’s nothing.” “Sherry you’re lying to me! Come on tell me what’s really wrong.” I can’t take it any more I stand up and look Matt right in the eyes, “You wanna know what’s wrong with me? Hun? I’ll tell you what’s wrong! I love Zack! Okay I love Zack and he’s with Gena! I like Bri and he’s with Michelle! I’m alone Matt! I’m all alone with no one to love me! I wanna be loved! I wanna have someone I can hold, kiss, hug…hell I want someone I can tell anything to! Yeah I know I have you, but I want someone to love Matt! Like really love…like how you have Val!
“I want that!...Ha and you want to know the funny part? I thought maybe just maybe Zack was the one…the one, who would love me, but no he loves Gena…not me Gena…and he’ll always love Gena! Hump…let them think I’m crying over Brian, I don’t care…but Zack if they knew it was all because of Zack…no! No one can know how I really feel…its hopeless Matt don’t you see? Zack and I aren’t ever meant to be!” I yell venting all my anger and plopping down on the bed next to Matt.
Matt looks at me and nods his head, “I figured you liked Zacky, so what you want to do?” he asks. “I don’t know…I just don’t know anymore. At first I wanted to get as far away from you all as possible…” I see a flash of hurt flicker in Matt’s eyes, “But!” I say quickly. “But…you’re not the ones at fault…and I couldn’t be happier anywhere on Earth without you guys.” “So what are you saying?” I take a deep breath, “I’ll stay here…even if that means I’ll have to deal with looking at Zack and Gena. I’ll get over him sooner or later…right?” I ask. “Yea…sooner or later.” Matt says with a small smile, brushing hair out of my face. “Thanks Matt I owe you one.” Matt laughs, “You only owe me a new shirt.” He jokes showing me his shirt and it’s covered in my tears. I laugh, “Sorry.” “Don’t worry about it.” He says kissing the top of my head and leaving my room.
I put in a CD and write a few songs, I get board and pop in the movie mom made me. Just as it starts there’s a knock at my door, “Come in!” I yell and the door opens up to reveal Matt, the Berry’s, and the girls, but Zack and Gena are missing. “What you doing?” Val asks. “Bout to watch my mom’s movie…you can watch it if you want.” I say and they all sit on the bed and floor. “Where’s Zack?” I ask. “He went to drop Gena off at her place. Her mom called she has to clean or something like that.” Leana says and I make an “O” mouth. “Don’t worry he’ll be back.” Johnny says and I smile as the movie starts. About ten minutes into the movie Zack walks into the room with a big tube of Cookies and Cream ice cream. “Cookies!” I sequel and Zacky laughs holding the carton above his head. “Matt he won’t give me the ice cream!” I wine making them all laugh. “I’ll give you the ice cream if you sit with me!” Zacky says. “Deal! Now hand over the tear stopper!” I say and Zacky hands me the carton of ice cream.
Zack sits down in one of the huge bean bag chairs and I sit in his lap, “Would you like a spoon?” he asks as I open the ice cream. “Yeah a spoon would be great right now.” I say. “Here you are two spoons!” I look at Zacky and take one, “Uh what do I need two for?” I ask. “One for you and one for me! Duh!” he says shoving his spoon in the ice cream and scooping out a huge globe. “Hey you took like the whole thing!” I wine looking into the carton. “I did not! I took a little bit!” he says sticking the spoon in his mouth. “Fatty!” I mumble eating a spoon full of the ice cream. “I’m not fat.” Zacky says quietly in my ear sending shiver down my spine. “Shut up! I’m trying to watch your mom teach you how to count to ten!” Jim snaps throwing a pillow at Zacky and I. “Damn sorry, don’t have to go and throw pillows at us!” Zacky says shoving another spoon full of ice cream in his mouth.
“Hey Star…how are you and Brian going to get married with all this?” Lacey asks. “Don’t know, but there’s going to be a wedding one way or another.” I simply say and Zack starts to play with my hair. “Oh well don’t worry we’ll all be there for you.” Leana says with a smile. I look up at her, “I hope so! You’re my first bridesmaid!” I say and Leana smiles from ear to ear, “REALLY?! Oh my god the wedding party is so going to be popping!” she sings making us all laugh. “Can’t wait for the wedding…dad’s going to have a heart attack and it’s not even real…” Matt says and I nod. “Think he’ll try to kill Brian?” I ask. “Maybe!” everyone says and I laugh. Everyone goes back to watching the movie, Zacky and I keep eating the ice cream and I can't help but love every minute of it…feels good to be in his arms, in the arms of my secret lover that doesn’t love me…