Do You Think You're Up For This?

“When everything is wrong, I'll come talk to you. You make things alright when I’m feeling blue." - Weezer

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“Santi?”

“Mike? Is Suzie there?” I ask immediately, upon hearing his voice at the other end.

“Yeah, hold on a sec,” he says, and I hear him put it down and call Suzie’s name.

Yes, Suzie and Mike. Mike and Suzie. I didn’t really expect it, but they’ve been dating and have only just moved in together. I must admit, it was weird and unexpected at first, but it is more convenient to have my best friend in the same city now.

“What’s up, Rae?” she asks.

“I-I…” I try to tell, her, but my throat feels like it’s closing up. I feel hot tears prickling my eyes. “Can…can you come over later? When the guys are doing TAI Tv at Jack’s?” I ask, trying my hardest to not start crying on the spot.

“Yeah, sure, Rae. Mike wanted me to go with, but just watching them edit is kind of boring, you know?” I can practically hear her roll her eyes at his attachment. “Rae…is everything okay?” she asks, when I don’t answer or agree with her.

“N-no,” I reply, wiping my watery eyes. “But I can’t tell you right now.”

“Is it about Michael?” she asks in concern.

“No. Well…yes. Kind of, just…I’ll tell you later,” I stumble over my words. I hear Mike in the background.

“Okay. I have to go because Mike thinks I’m not paying enough attention to him,” she says, and I know she’s rolling her eyes again. “I’ll see you later. Don’t stress, Rae. It can’t be that bad.”

I don’t reply and just hang up.

She has no idea.

“Rae?” I hear Michael calling my name from the other room.

“Yeah?” I call back, making sure my eyes are dry before heading back into the bedroom.

He’s sitting up sleepily in bed and rubbing his eyes, with his hair sticking up at all angles. I automatically smile at the sight. It’s the closest I’ve come to laughing for the past two days.

“Come back to bed? I miss sleeping next to you,” he says, yawning and lying down again.

I get back under the covers, cuddling up against his chest and closing my eyes, feeling safe and untroubled for a few minutes.

“I missed you so much, Rae,” he murmurs, tightening his hold on me comfortably.

I don’t reply for fear of crying and instead reach up to mindlessly run my fingers through his hair.

A few more minutes pass, and he’s asleep again, leaving me to return to my panicked thoughts.

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“Are you sure you don’t want to come?” Michael asks for the third time, just as he’s about to leave.

“Yeah, Suzie’s going to come over,” I say.

“Okay. Then I’ll see you later,” he says, pecking me softly on the mouth. I pull his face back to mine for a slightly longer kiss and I feel him smile against my lips. “I’ll be back around seven,” he assures me, and I nod.

He kisses me briefly once more and then heads out the door.

I turn on the tv, waiting for Suzie to get here, but I can’t concentrate on the screen for too long. I start glancing at my phone every few minutes until her knock at the door comes.

I yank the door open and immediately start crying all over again upon seeing her there.

“Ssh…” she says, instantly stepping inside to hug me and let me cry on her shoulder. She leads me over to the couch and hugs me until I calm down.

She goes to the kitchen, quickly makes me hot chocolate in the microwave, and brings it back to the living room. I gratefully take the mug from her and take a few sips.

“What’s wrong?” she asks. “Did you fight with Michael?”

“No,” I say, wiping my eyes with my sleeve. I take a breath before blurting it out. “Suzie, I…I’m pregnant.” Her bright blue eyes widen considerably.

“Oh. My. God!” she gushes. “This is so great! I hope it’s a girl! Do you know yet? Can I be godmother?! This is awesome! This is-” she exclaims happily, tightly embracing me again.

“No, it’s not great. It’s not awesome! You don’t understand!” I moan, pulling away from her and shaking my head in disagreement. “We’re not ready for this. It wasn’t supposed to happen so soon. I don’t know what to do.”

“Oh, Rae…I’m sorry,” she replies sympathetically, now comprehending. “Have you told Michael?” I shake my head, looking away.

“I haven’t found the right time yet,” I admit.

“You’re sure, though?”

“Positive.”

“You need to go to the doctor,” she points out, and I nod, wiping my eyes. Suzie’s always good for reasonable advice.

“I’ll go with you later this week and everything will be okay,” she offers, hugging me again.

I can only hope that she's right.

"And you have to tell Michael soon," she adds. I sigh, knowing she's right.