The Same Jersey Girl

I read them over, the songs and poems I had written.

Angels on the Moon: (Thriving Ivory)

Do you dream, that the world will know your name?
So tell me your name
Do you care, about all the little things or anything at all?
I wanna feel, all the chemicals inside I wanna feel
I wanna sunburn, just to know that I'm alive
To know I'm alive

Don't tell me if I'm dying, cause I don't wanna know
If I can't see the sun, maybe I should go
Don't wake me cause I'm dreaming, of angels on the moon
Where everyone you know, never leaves too soon
Do you believe, in the day that you were born
Tell me do you believe?
Do you know, that everyday's the first of the rest of your life
Don't tell me if I'm dying, cause I don't wanna know
If I can't see the sun, maybe I should go
Don't wake me cause I'm dreaming, of angels on the moon
Where everyone you know, never leaves too soon
This is to one last day in the shadows
And to know a brother's love
This is to New York City angels
And the rivers of our blood
This is to all of us, to all of us
Don't tell me if I'm dying, cause I don't wanna know
If I can't see the sun, maybe I should go
Don't wake me cause I'm dreaming, of angels on the moon
Where everyone you know, never leaves too soon
You can tell me all your thoughts, about the stars that fill polluted skies
And show me where you run to, when no one's left to take your side
But don't tell me where the road ends, cause I just don't wanna know, No I don't wanna know
Don't tell me if I'm dying
Don't tell me if I'm dying

The next was just a scrap of paper, that I had written on,

Nick, I’m so sorry. Forgive me?

Love always

From A friend.

The next paper was another song.

In this Life: (Delta Goodrem)

I was nurtured I was sheltered
I was curious and young
I was searching for that something
Trying to find it on the run
Oh and just when I stopped looking
I saw just how far I'd come
In this life
You give me love
You give me light
Show me everything that's been happening
I've opened up my eyes
Following
Three steps fight an honest fight
Two hearts that can start a fire
One love is all I need
In this life
I have faltered I have stumbled
I have found my feet again
I've been angry I've been shaken
Found a new place to begin
My persistence to make a difference
Has led me safe into your hands
In this life
I was put here for a reason
I was born into this world
And I'm living and I'm believing
I was meant to be your girl

In this life.

That’s what you get: (Paramore)

No sir, well I don't wanna be the blame, not anymore.
It's your turn, so take a seat we're settling the final score.
And why do we like to hurt, so much?
I can't decide
You have made it harder just to go on
And why?
All the possibilities...
Well I was wrong
That's what you get when you let your heart win. Whoa!
That's what you get when you let your heart win. Whoa...
I drown out all my sense with the sound of its beating.
And that's what you get when you let your heart win. Whoa.
I wonder, how am I supposed to feel when you're not here.
'Cause I burned every bridge I ever built when you were here.
I still try... holding onto silly things, I never learn.
Oh why? All the possibilities. I'm sure you've heard.
That's what you get when you let your heart win. Whoa!
That's what you get when you let your heart win. Whoa.
I drown out all my sense with the sound of its beating.
And that's what you get when you let your heart win. Whoa.
Pain, make your way to me.
And I'll always be just so inviting.
If I ever start to think straight,
This heart will start a riot in me,
Let's start... Start, hey!
Why do we like to hurt so much?
Oh why do we like to hurt so much?
That's what you get when you let your heart win!
Whoa.
That's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa.
That's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa.
Now I can't trust myself with anything but this,

That’s what you get when you let your heart win, whoa.

The last paper I read was another paper that I justwrote on.

Nick:

Do you know how hard it is? My life is a living hell now. I have some asshole beating me almost every night, my mom? Yea well she always has something “better” to do. I miss you So much. I wish I could just call you and hear your voice, but I can’t. Things would be so hard now, I miss us. I miss being able to complain to you about my mom, no one else gets it. She acts nice to all my friends, but then she gets well you know how she is, she just gets so ridiculous. I can’t handle it much longer. I’m going to crack soon from all the pressure. It’s so hard with out you. I don’t think I could possibly tell you how much I miss you and need you. It hurts, every day. I see you guys are doing well now, you’re every where I look now, it’s getting hard to forget you guys, I know I said forget. Well that’s what I’ve been trying to do, but it’s not easy to forget your best friend that you’ve been friends with since you were born, to forget thirteen years of your life which happen to be the best one’s I’ve lived so far, it’s hard to stop loving you. I haven’t yet. I’m not sure if I ever will, well I hope I stop soon because I can’t take it anymore. Honestly, I wish I could go back two years and stop us from having the fight. But I guess you don’t because I haven’t gotten that call or letter saying so, saying “can we start over?” Though I don’t think I would want to start over, we have too much history that can’t be repeated. I wouldn’t want to. Well I don’t even know why I’m writing this, it's not like I’m not even going to send it.

From a sorry, scared, lost, sad, missing your smile, and hating her own self friend

I had forgotten I had these in here until Nick had mentioned them the other day. I sighed, I took these and all the others that were just like them and jumped out of my bunk and put them on Nick’s. I let out a breath and walked to the back and sat down with the guys, when Nick saw me sit down I could feel the anger welling up in him. He just got up and walked out. I sighed. “Don’t worry Al, he’ll come around” Joe said to me I just smiled. I sat there in the back for a long time with Joe and Kevin, I’m not sure where Nick was but I had a pretty strong feeling he was in his bunk. I was sitting with Joe, Kevin, and Frankie watching some TV, I wasn’t really paying any attention. I was thinking about my dream. I don’t understand why my mom would have done what she did. I mean yea her and my dad fought, a lot now that I think about it but never in front of me. Maybe that’s why I didn’t really realize what was going on then, they were probably going to get a divorce and jerk was the reason. No wonder my mom moved on so fast, she had stopped loving and caring for my dad so long ago. I let out a sigh and rubbed my for head. “Ally are you alright?” Joe asked from next to me, “I think I’m going to be sick.” I said I got up and ran to the bathroom. I was right. I threw up, over and over again. I heard a faint knock on the door, “Al it’s Kevin, are you okay?” “yea” I said weakly before I threw up again, that must have sounded convincing. I sat in the bathroom for a long time throwing up, I had a horrible head ach now. Once I stopped throwing up I got in the shower and just sat in there for a while. Well till I heard a knock on the door, “Ally, honey are you alright? It’s Mrs. Jonas, you’ve been getting sick for a while now….I think were going to take you to a doctor” I sighed, “No, Mrs. Jonas I’m fine, I just think it’s a virus or something I feel much better now” I lied turning off the shower and getting out. “Are you sure?” “Yes.” “I think were going to stop anyway.” “No I don’t want to hold us up” I said “Honey if your sick we need to get you to the doctor” “I’m not going to get out of this am I?” I asked opening the door, I had changed into a sweat shirt with shorts and my hair was down and brushed. “No” she said smiling and giving me a hug, “But really Mrs. Jonas I feel much better now” “Well I just want to make sure” she said, she brought her hand to my head, “Oh my god ally your head is on fire!” I just bit my lip and shrugged.