Sand in Your Shoes

My hands had taken in so much water that my fingertips were now wrinkled as I stood up to step out of the bathtub. I guess I hadn’t realized how long I had been in there just simply thinking. I needed my time to think and it just seemed like the right time. I didn’t want Kennedy to go on tour, but then again, what was this? Just another dumb, naïve case of summer love.

All I knew is that I didn’t want to be hurt anymore. I didn’t like being hurt by boys. Because I have been before. The first guy I had ever seriously dated was so completely different from Kennedy. He was cocky, outspoken, and fearless. I think the last part was what had attracted to him so much, if he wanted to do something, he’d go for it. I just wanted the same for Kennedy. I wanted him to do what he wanted. Is that love?

I walked out into the main room, where Marie was sitting, watching TV with John. I had a towel wrapped loosely around me as they both looked up. Normally, I would have been embarrassed, but I was too tired and too hopeless to be embarrassed. I just walked by, silently hoping that they wouldn’t ask me anything along the lines of ‘are you alright?’.

Luck was on my side and they stayed quiet. It looked like John was about to say something, but Marie shot a glance his way and he closed his mouth. I closed the door to my bedroom and crawled into my bed, hoping that the world around me would evaporate away. How can he make me feel so miserable?

I finally got enough courage to stand up and dress myself, before walking right out the door. I needed the feeling of the cold sand on my feet and the constant noise that radiated from the ocean. I pulled on the sweatshirt as it was beginning to fall off my shoulder. Everything around me melted away as I began my journey down the shore. I walked and walked until the lifeguard chair was in view. I could just barely see the silhouette of another being on top of it and it caused me to slump down and fall into the sand. I stared up once again, hoping the person hadn’t noticed me and suddenly felt awkward. But it was just my luck that they had noticed. I squinted slightly, wanting so badly to smile at that boy’s face, but I couldn’t. I didn’t have the strength in me.

“Hi Pat,” I said slowly. He grinned, excitement written all over his face as I began the climb up the small hill of sand and onto the chair. “I have a feeling you like to come here a lot.”

“Yeah,” he paused, wrapping his arm around my shoulders and pulling me in close to him. It may have been that he was the first one I had met, but I realized I had missed Pat. I suddenly wished that I got to know him better, and now, I couldn’t because they were going away. Before I realized it, tears were prickling out of the corner of my eyes. “Penny? Don’t cry. Oh, please don’t cry,” he said, his eyes becoming even larger and sorrowful. He really needed to stop being so cute. I hiccupped on my own breath and smiled… slightly.

“I’m sorry, Pa-at,” I was shaking now, “Bu-t, everyone is leaving and I barely even got t-to hang out with you or the other guys. And Ken- Kenny hates me!” I went into another fit of sobs as my chest heaved. Pat held me closer, so that I was now burying my head into his small chest. I felt safe around him, because unlike the other boys, he never ever made a judgment about me.

“He doesn’t hate you at all,” he squeezed me slightly as I pulled away. I smiled at the blush that was across his cheeks and nose, “he loves you, Penny. We all know he does.” Pat placed his hands together and looked out at the horizon before smiling back at me. I wish I knew how to tell him how much his words meant to me. Like somehow telling him that he was important to me, even if, I barely knew him. I mean, I barely knew anyone here, the exception being Marie. Not even the boy that I lust for, I hardly know him. Or maybe this stupid, dysfunctional predicament we got ourselves in is actually love. Love like the ones our parents experienced. “Come to the bonfire tonight. It’s our goodbye. And even if you don’t want to see Kenny, I want you there… for me.”

I nodded, because I simply couldn’t even fathom denying that boy. He was too perfect and cute and good to me. I couldn’t imagine breaking my word. So I decided that one bonfire wouldn’t be so bad and maybe, just maybe, Kennedy would put away his pride and finally tell me what the hell he wants. Either that or everything falls apart. Let’s hope for the best.