I'll Kiss You as My Final Goodbye

I unlocked the door of my house and dropped my shopping bags on the floor.

It’s the day after the reading of my father’s will. He did leave me a lot of things and money which I do admit I spent some awhile ago. It’s just so hard to believe that my father, the one who raped and abused me, still loves me but deep down he was still my duda. It was something that I kept in my mind all those years. I am just sad that it took him this long to finally show it again.

I sniffed and tried to hold back a few tears. It only hit me last night that my father was really dead and I hate myself for not crying at his funeral.

I moved my sunglasses to the top of my head and started going through the mail. Most of it was trash but some were important, like bills. I threw out all the trash and placed the bills back on the table I got them from. I’ll deal with it later.

I dropped my bag on the couch and then lay down on it. I removed the earphones from my ear and let them hang around my neck. Whenever I go shopping, I always bring Charles, my iPod Nano. I wasn’t a big fan of the new chromatic iPods so I stuck with Charles.

I closed my ears and yawned. Now would seem like a perfect time to nap. I got comfortable on the couch and got ready to escape to La La Land.

“ANNA KAIDEN MARIE STEWART!” someone yelled as they jumped inside my house.

I groaned and buried my head in a throw pillow. I had woken up early today and all I wanted to do now was have a nap.

I felt a tug on my pillow and then it was pulled out of my grasp and on the floor. My eyes met Johnny’s and I saw he had a slight smirk on his mouth. I glared at him and then sat up.

“What Johnny?” I asked, slightly regretting giving him permission to just barge inside my house whenever he pleases.

“Come on! You said you’ll meet the rest of the guys today.” Johnny said, the smirk still on his mouth.

“Another time Johnny, please! I really want to sleep.” I said before lying back down on the couch.

“Fine,” Johnny said smugly but with a hit of disappointment.

Huh?

I looked at him and saw the smirk still on his face but sadness in his eyes.

“What’s wrong Johnny?” I asked.

“Nothing, nothing at all. I better go now. I don’t want to keep Lacey and the guys waiting.” He said before heading towards the door.

“Johnny wait!” I yelled. He turned around and looked at me. “There is something wrong, just tell me.”

“Nothing you are just backing out of you word like always.” He said bitterly.

“What do you mean by that?” I asked, hurt.

“You never go to anything that really involved other people before and I guess you still don’t.” he said honestly.

I know it was the truth and it hurt. When I was younger, I know I was reluctant to meet new people but not now. I wonder how it looks in Johnny’s eyes. It must seem like I am still the anti-social person he knew seven years ago but I am not.

I looked at him and he seemed anxious to leave. Sadness was obvious in his eyes and I guess it was kind of my fault. He seemed really excited when I said I’ll actually meet his friends and I guess he really expected me to meet them today despite some doubt I am sure he had.

“Fine Johnny,” I said slowly getting off the couch. “I am coming.”

A smile formed on his lips as I slid on my heels and grabbed my bag. I followed him out the house and locked the door behind me. We went to his car that was waiting idly in front. I sat in the back and greeted Lacey who was sitting up in the passenger’s seat.

Johnny got into the driver’s seat and drove.

We stopped in front of a rather large house. Johnny and Lacey quickly got out of the car whereas I took my time. I don’t mind meeting new people but the house kind of intimidates me, don’t ask why.

We walked up the driveway and stopped in front of the front door. I stood there waiting for Johnny or Lacey to ring the doorbell or knock on the door or something like that. Instead they were just looking at me.

“What?” I asked as they just looked at me.

“Are you ready?” Lacey asked.

“Uh, yeah?” I said unsure.

“Ok,” Lacey said with a smile.

Johnny nodded with a solemn expression and then threw the door open and jumped through it. He yelled as he flew through the air and landed inside the house with a straight face. I covered my mouth with my hand in an attempt to hold back my laughter. He started kicking and punching the air, yells accompanying his actions.

I saw two guys enter the hallway with beer bottles in their hands. They stared at Johnny first before erupting in laughter. They watched Johnny do whatever he was doing and laugh. Three girls soon appeared from the same direction the guys had come from and looked at Johnny oddly before bursting out in laughter.

A really tall man emerged from the crowd and tackled Johnny to the ground. I gasped and was about to go and help Johnny until I realized they were both laughing.

The slightly familiar and very tall man got off Johnny and reached out to help him up, still laughing. Johnny shook his head and brushed the dirt off his pants. Johnny motioned for me move forward and it was only when I felt Lacey pushing me from behind that I noticed I didn’t move.

I awkwardly stood beside Johnny as I felt six pairs of eyes on me. I fidgeted with the hem of my shirt and stared at the floor. I heard Johnny clear his mouth and looked up.

“Everybody this is Kaiden,” Johnny said and as soon as he said all the coldness in their eyes disappeared and was replaced with warm smiles. “Kaiden this is Matt, Zacky, Val, Leana, Gena, and Jimmy.”

I smiled at them and then felt someone’s hands grab my wrist and throw me over their shoulder. I let out a yelp as my sight changed from the guy’s face to the back of his shoes. I heard laughter around me and crossed my arms.

“It’s Johnny’s little friend!” The guy yelled as he jumped up and down.

Oh dear god, I am wearing a skirt.

“Jimmy put her down please.” A sweet feminine voice said.

“Awww…” he said but he put me down nonetheless.

I fixed my outfit and hoped no one saw my knickers.

“Hi” the girl, Leana I think, said.

“Hello,” I said shyly.

She was short, around my height if I wasn’t wearing my heels. She had a warm smile on her face and was smiling at me. She was really pretty to say the least. She had light brown hair that fell in waves around her face. She hard dark brown eyes and wore some make-up but her best feature in my opinion was the bright smile she was currently wearing.

“She has an accent!” she said happily, causing everyone to laugh.

“Um, yeah, I arrived from England a few days ago.” I said shyly.

“That’s so cool!” She said in the same tone.

“Uh, thanks,” I said.

“Come on, the guys already went back to grill.” The one I think Val is, said.

I nodded and followed her through the house until we reached the backyard. The four guys were all drinking beer and talking around the grill. Matt was flipping the burgers while sipping form his bottle of beer every now and then.

The girls sat on a table that was across the grill. I sat in between Lacey and Leana while Val and Gena sat on the other side.

“So how long are you going to be here in America for?” Gena asked.

“Uhm, I don’t know yet.” I said.

“Really?” Lacey asked from beside me.

“Yeah, I don’t think I can stay too long though because I didn’t bring that much clothes.” I said realizing I only have one outfit left plus the pair of jeans and shirts I just bought.

“We can go shopping!” Leana said excitedly.

All the girls perked up at the sound of shopping. They were waiting to see if I wanted to go before saying anything but the smiles on their faces said everything.

“Yeah sure,” I said, making the girls practically jump up and down with joy.

“We can go tomorrow! Wait, do you have any plans tomorrow?” Val asked.

“Now I do.” I said with a smile.

“Good,” Val said with a smug smile.

The girls and I talked. We talked about almost everything. We talked about our jobs, our likes, and just anything. They told me who they are with and their stories. I do have to say they are an interesting group of girls.

“So Kaiden, where did you get your hair color?” Gena asked.

“Oh, my mate back in London. She owned a salon and would do my hair for free.” I said as I played with the ends of my pink hair.

“I love it!” Gena said before standing up and playing with it.

“Where’s Syn?” Johnny asked loudly.

“I don’t know he was supposed to be here fifteen minutes ago.” Matt said.

“Who’s Syn?” I asked the girls.

“Oh, he’s the lead guitarist of the band.” Gena told me as she braided my hair.

“Oh,” I simply said.

“Here are your burgers ladies,” Jimmy said as he and Johnny brought five burgers to the table.

“Do you girls want beer?” Johnny asked.

“Yes!” Lacey, Leana, Val, and Gena said in unision.

“Ok, how about you Kaiden?” Johnny asked.

“No thanks, I’ll stick to water today.” I said with a tiny smile.

He nodded and went to the cooler to get our drinks as Jimmy just stared at me.

“What’s wrong Jimmy?” I asked when he didn’t stop.

“You don’t want beer?” he said as if he didn’t believe me.

“Uh, no I don’t. Is there something wrong with that?” I asked.

“Weird…” Jimmy said.

“Babe, not everyone can or does drink as much as you do.” Leana said before kissing his cheek.

“True,” he said with a shrug of his shoulders.

“Aw, come on you guys!” Johnny whined.

I looked around and saw Johnny being carried by Zacky and Matt. They walked towards the pool and started swinging him back and forth. On the fourth swing, they threw him into the pool and he landed with a loud splash. He stayed under for awhile before his head finally resurfaced.

“Dude no fair!” He yelled from the pool.

“Who cares about being fair?” Zacky asked.

Johnny shrugged and then got out of the pool. He walked over to Lacey and wrapped his arms around her, wetting her. She let out a yelp and jumped out of his embrace. She started running away from him but he was hot on her tail.

They ran around the whole backyard, Lacey slightly dripping, Johnny soaked. He eventually caught her and brought her in the pool with him. Leana, Val, and Gena stood up and started shedding off the clothes, revealing their bikinis.

Leana and Val ran to the pool and then jumped in. Gena looked at me and tilted her head, most probably wondering why I still had my clothes on.

“Don’t you want to swim?” she asked.

“I am not wearing a bikini.” I simply said.

“Oh! Maybe you can borrow one of Leana’s. you two seem to be the same size.” She said ready to call Leana.

“Oh no it’s ok.” I said politely. “I don’t really feel like swimming.”

“Well, then I’ll stay here with you.” She said, sitting back down.

“No go have some fun!” I said.

“You sure?” she asked.

“Yeah, now go!” I said.

She took one last look at me before running into the pool to join the rest of them. I watched them splash around in the pool and have fun. They tried many times to tell me to borrow a bikini and join them but I just kept declining their offers and ate my burger.

Honestly I am kind of scared to swim. It’s been over a decade since I’ve last swam. I never swam after my dad started beating me. I didn’t want people to see the bruises and wounds he gave me. Then, when I moved to England it was really too cold to actually tempt me to go into the water. Sure, there were nice beaches but it just wasn’t warm enough to swim. So, right now I am kind of paranoid about swimming. I have it stuck in my head that I’ve forgotten how.

I just finished eating when a very familiar man entered through the sliding doors. His brown hair wasn’t as fixed as it was the other day and this time he was wearing board shorts. He smiled and waved at the group who was doing the same to him.

“Brian! That’s Kaiden! Kaiden! That’s Brian!” Johnny yelled before going back to playing around in the pool.

Brian looked at me with a shocked expression. He just stared at me for awhile before a smirk appeared on his face. He walked over to me and sat down in the seat across from me.

“So how was your lunch?” he asked.

“Rather good actually,” I said to him thinking about the sandwich I made myself a few days ago.

“That’s nice but I still owe you lunch.” He said with a smirk.

“Well, I just finished my burger.” I said as I showed him my empty plate.

“I see, I guess it’ll have to be another day.” He said.

I just shook my head and looked back at the group of twenty-something year olds acting like five year olds in the pool. Matt and Val were having a chicken fight against Jimmy and Leana. Johnny and Lacey were cheering for Jimmy and Leana whereas Zacky and Gena were cheering for Matt and Val.

My bet was honestly on Leana. She seemed very determined to win.

“So how do you know the guys and I didn’t?” Brian asked.

“Oh, well I just met them today actually, aside from Johnny and Lacey.” I said.

“And we only meet you now?” he said.

“Well I only arrived from England a couple days ago.” I told him.

“Oh, so how do you know Johnny and Lacey?” he asked sounding confused.

“Before I moved to England, I used to live here in Huntington. I went to high school with Johnny. He was my best friend.” I said.

“Oh shit!” he said loudly but not loud enough to catch the other’s attention.

“What?” I asked him.

“You are the girl shortshit used to hang out with!” he said.

“Uh, yeah, why?” I was seriously confused.

“Jimmy and I used to hang out with Johnny’s older brother.” He said.

No wonder Jimmy looked slightly familiar. I wonder why I didn’t remember Brian. Maybe because he is seriously hot now…he was back then too but not as much as now. Oh fuck, got to get those things out of my mind.

“Were you the ones who would come knocking at four in the morning?” I asked thinking about the times I’ve crashed at Johnny’s place and waking up to two very loud drunks banging on the door.

“Yeah,” he said looking away as I saw the blood rush to his face.

I let out a chuckle as I remembered all the things they would do at four in the morning.

Brian was about to say something but was caught off by the ringing of a phone. I pulled out my vibrating Blackberry from my bag and answered it.

“Hello?” I said not bothering to check the caller ID.

“Kaiden its Mr. McAnthony.” He said from the other line said.

“Oh hi! Is there something wrong?” I asked, wondering why he would call.

“No, I just need you to pick up some things in my office and somebody is going to drop off something in your house and you need to accept it.” He said.

“Oh ok, I’ll be there in awhile.” I said as I stood up.

“Where are you going?” Brian asked as I slung my bag over my shoulder.

“I need to pick up some stuff.” I told him.

“Johnny, I’ve got to go. I’ll see you some other time.” I told him.

“But wait, I drove you here.” He said about to get out of the pool.

“Oh, yeah,” I said. “Its ok, don’t get out. I can just call a cab.”

“No come on,” he said from the pool.

“Seriously, I can–“

“I can drive you.” Brian said, cutting me off.

“Really?” Johnny asked.

“Yeah, I am still dry anyway.” Brian said, standing up too.

“Ok,” I said.

“Kaiden! Give us your number so we can text you.” Val yelled as I was leaving.

“Get it from Lacey or Johnny!” I yelled back before leaving and going to Brian’s car that was parked behind Johnny’s.

I opened the passenger’s side door and got it right this time.

Ha!

I sat down on the seat and waited for Brian to enter the car. The driver’s door opened and Brian entered the car. He smiled at me before putting the key in and starting the car.

“Thanks Brian.” I said with a smile.

“No problem, now where the hell are we going?” he asked.

I let out a chuckle and gave him the address of Mr. McAnthony’s office. He nodded and started driving.

The ride was silent aside from the radio that was playing softly. I turned it up a bit and listened to the song that was currently playing.

Caught up in this madness too blind to see
Woke animal feelings in me
Took over my sense and I lost control
I'll taste your blood tonight

You know I make you wanna scream
You know I make you wanna run from me baby
But know it's too late you've wasted all your time

Relax while you're closing your eyes to me
So warm as I'm setting you free
With your arms by your side there's no struggling
Pleasure's all mine this time

You know I make you wanna scream
You know I make you wanna run from me baby
But know it's too late you've wasted all your time

Cherishing, those feelings pleasuring
Cover me, unwanted clemency
Scream till there's silence
Scream while there's life left, vanishing
Scream from the pleasure
Unmask your desire, perishing

We've all had a time where we've lost control
We've all had our time to grow
I'm hoping I'm wrong but I know I'm right
I'll hunt again one night

You know I make you wanna scream
You know I make you wanna run from me baby
But know it's too late you've wasted all your time

Cherishing, those feelings pleasuring
Cover me, unwanted clemency
Scream till there's silence
Scream while there's life left, vanishing
Scream from the pleasure
Unmask your desire, perishing

Some live repressing their instinctive feelings
Protest the way we're built don't point the blame on me
Scream, scream, scream the way you would if I ravaged your body
Scream, scream, scream the way you would if I ravaged your mind

Cherishing, those feelings pleasuring
Cover me, unwanted clemency
Scream till there's silence
Scream while there's life left, vanishing
Scream from the pleasure
Unmask your desire, perishing

I tapped my fingers along with the beat and listened to the singer. It was a really good song. I looked at Brian who had his eyes on the road but was smirking ever so slightly.

“What are you smirking about?” I asked him.

“Nothing,” he said looking at me but the smirk was still plastered on his face.

“Ok…” I said dragging it out. “Do you know who that song is by?”

“Yeah, I do just some crappy band.” He said still with a smirk.

“But that song was amazing!” I said, defending the song.

“Why?” he asked.

“Did you hear that guy’s voice and the lyrics? Did you listen to the beat and melody? Couldn’t you feel the bass? And did you not hear that fucking guitar solo? It is almost fucking orgasmic.” I asked him.

“You think my guitar solo is almost fucking orgasmic? Most people think it is orgasmic.” He said.

“Pardon?” I asked confused by his statement.

“Most people think that it is already orgasmic not almost orgasmic.” He said, still with the smirk.

“No I heard that. The thing that I didn’t get is when you said my guitar solo.” I said.

“Well that was me playing. The song is called Scream, it’s by Avenged Sevenfold.” He said.

“Avenged Sevenfold…” I said out loud. It sounded familiar. “Oh shit!” I yelled as blood rushed to my face.

Brian laughed and I slapped his arm lightly.

“It’s not funny!” I said.

“I know, I am flattered.” He said.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah” I said while looking out the window.

I watched the view change around me as Brian drove. He stopped outside a familiar building and I hopped out.

“Thanks Brian,” I said before closing the door.

“Wait!” he yelled and I watched him turn off the engine and get out of the car.

“Where are you going?” I asked him as he stood beside me.

“With you,” he said. “I need to bring you home too you know.”

“No, you don’t have to. I can just call I cab, I swear.” I said.

“Fine, you don’t want me here. I’ll go.” He said with his hand over his chest.

“No, come on.” I said as he was about to walk back to his car.

He smiled widely at me and started walking beside me.

“I know you want me.” He said as he wrapped an arm around me. “Especially with my almost orgasmic guitar skills.”

I rolled my eyes and looked at him. He was smirking down at me. He is never going to let me live that down.