Remodelling the Wreckage of My Past

“We’re going out for a while.” I said to Matt as I helped Brian back on his feet. I wrapped my arm around his waist and lead him outside, closing the door behind us. He rested his back against the wall before he let himself slide down and brought his knees close to his chest, wrapping his arms around them and resting his head on top.

I went into the kitchen and came back seconds later, and sat next to him, wrapping my arm around his shoulders and resting my head on his arm. I brushed some hair out of his face and pressed my lips against his cheek. He sat up, and wrapped an arm around me. I scooted closer to him, handing him his pack of cigarettes as well as a lighter before wrapping both arms around his middle and resting my head against his chest. His heart was beating rapidly in his chest as he wrapped one arm around me after lightning up his cigarette.

There was no need to talk. I knew Brian liked to deal with things on his own, and didn’t like to share his feelings… And I knew he would open up sooner or later.

That was one good thing with Brian, I knew what to do, or not to do with him. I knew how to comfort him, calm him down. Whereas with Billy, it wasn’t that easy, seeing that he was pretty laid back most of the time, something I wasn’t…

I felt Brian kissing the top of my head, and wrapped a second arm around me. He was done with his cigarette. He rested his head on top of mine and started humming. I soon recognized the tune and sighed.

“You can’t sing that song while thinking about her, it’s a blaspheme to Green Day’s greatness.” I said, looking at him. He chuckled.

“I’m not singing it for her.” He whispered. Pressing his lips to my temple.

“Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go
So make the best of this test, and don't ask why
It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.” he sang quietly, rocking from side to side.

I had my eyes closed, listening intently to Brian’s singing.
He knew damn well I loved it when he was singing, I always did, and still do.

“So take the photographs, and still frames in your mind
Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time
Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial
For what it's worth it was worth all the while”

“Hey, let’s go.” I said, quickly getting up. I couldn’t hold it any longer, this song just meant too much for me.

“Where to?” he asked, looking at me weirdly.

“No idea, I just feel like driving aimlessly. You up for it?” I asked, holding out my hand. He took it and got back on his feet.

We walked back inside the studio.
“We are going for a ride,” I said to my brother as I went to pick up my bag that I had dropped somewhere.

“Where to?” asked Matt.

“No idea, just need to clear both our minds.” I said, grabbing my bag and kissing Aiden, Angelina and Celia on the cheek and waving at everyone else.

I opened the passenger door and sat down, throwing the car keys to Brian who caught them just in time.

“You’re letting me drive?” he asked, surprised.

“Yeah, ‘cause I’m just nice like that!” I said, winking and Brian hurried to the driver seat.

“Lyn, I love you so much right now!” he said, putting the key in the ignition. I chuckled and turned on the stereo.

I let him drive around L.A, downtown, to the beach, wherever he wanted. I knew he needed it to clear his mind and I needed to. Green Day was playing, the sun was shining, and I was in a car with Brian behind the wheel, talking nonstop.

He was talking, talking, and talking. About nothing and everything, about the kids, about how he hated Nat, about his future house, about the past, about the band, about us…

We were driving around for about an hour and an half when he stopped at Starbucks and went to buy drinks, plenty of drinks for everyone back at the studio.

He parked the car and got out, running to my side to open the door. I smiled and got out, only to be pulled in a hug.

“Thank you Lyn.” He said, putting the keys in my hand.

“You're welcome, it’s just a car.” I chuckled, patting his back.

“For always being here when I need you.” He said, then kissed my cheek, took half of the drinks and walked towards the studio. I took the rest of the drinks and followed him, closing the car behind me.

**

“I’m beat…” I mumbled, letting myself fall on the loveseat as Brian locked the front door behind him.

Aiden, Celia and Angelina all sat on the couch and Brian sat next to me.

“Damn, I shouldn’t have eaten ice cream before going to the cinema and then buying pop corns.” Aiden mumbled, patting his tummy. Celia chuckled and then yawned.

“Well, it’s time to go to bed.” I said with a smile as Angelina and Aiden both yawned at the same time. “Today was eventful.”

I got up and made my way upstairs, followed by everyone.
I opened the first door, Celia’s room, and switched on the light. She squealed in delight and hugged me tight before running into her pink/purple room.

“Thank you Mum!” she screamed and then started looking at every single thing in her room.

Aiden and Angelina left to explore their own rooms.
“Fuck yeah, thanks Mum!” yelled Aiden, running back to me and hugging me, just as Angelina walked out of her room.

“Did I tell you that I love you today?” she asked, hugging me.

“Alright, alright! I’m glad you all like it! Now off to bed. Good night!” I said, kissing their cheek before they went to hug their father and then ran to their own room.

I made my way back to the living room, followed by Brian. I sat down on the couch and Brian sat down next to me, pulling me close to him and just cuddle.

It was weird but I don’t know, it felt right. There’s no word to explain it, it was just the two of us. We didn’t even watch TV. We just stayed like that, talking and cuddling. I don’t remember falling asleep. All I know was that I didn’t want to wake up.

The dream I was having was awesome.
I was lying on a bed, I had all the space I wanted. And the pillow was comfy. I was warm and there was no sun hurting my eyes. The kids were here too, smiling at me and at the pillow.

Wait, smiling at the pillow?

“Mum, wake up…”

I groaned something incomprehensible and snuggled closer to the pillow.

“Mum, Billy is going to arrive in a couple of minutes, you need to get up.” The voice said.

Nonsense, Billy was here with me, right?

Wait, last time I checked, Billy was in L.A…

“Fuck!” the voice muttered and then I heard the front door open. There was way too much noise in my dream. I didn’t liked it. I buried my face in the pillow and covered my ears.

“Hey there, what’s u…” the voice trailed off. “What the hell is going on?!” the voice boomed, louder than the previous voice.

I groaned before I was shaken.
“Mum! Wake up!”

I opened my eyes slowly only to see Aiden, Angelina and Celia looking at me with mixed expressions. Then, my eyes landed on Billy who was standing not far from the doorway, with a not so pleased expression.

That’s when I realized I was laying on Brian, his arms wrapped tight around my waist, and mine gripping his T-shirt. I looked up at Brian to see him wide awake, but with no intention of letting me go anytime soon.

Huhoh…

I was in deep shit…