Remodelling the Wreckage of My Past

“Billy!” I yelled, pushing myself away from Brian, falling off the couch in the process. “It’s not what you think!” I said, getting back on my feet, ignoring Brian and the kids as I hurried towards Billy who just looked at me coldly.

“What is he doing here?” he asked, looking at me and then at Brian, his voice cold.

“Come here…” I said, pushing him towards the stairs. He reluctantly made his way upstairs and I pushed him all the way to my room before closing the door behind me and Billy stood still, his arms crossed over his torso.

“Brian had Nat got into a fight, they broke up. Nat lied to Brian, telling him she was pregnant so Brian would spend more time with her and blablabla…” I said, waving my hand.

“And the reason why Brian was on your couch, holding on to you like his whole life depended on you?” he asked, his arms still crossed and his eyes cold.

“Because he’s staying here for a while, and because we fell asleep on the couch… But usually, I sleep here.” I said, pointing at the bed.

“I don’t like that Lyn.” He said, shaking his head.

“Don’t like what?”

“The idea of Brian living with you and the kids while I’m not around.” He said simply. My mouth fell.

“Excuse me? He’s my best friend and the twins’ father! He can live here if I want to! You have no say in this!” I replied, trying to control my voice.

“You’re my girlfriend, I can tell you what I think is best for you, and right now, the best would be for Brian to pack his shit and leave.” He said.

“Hell no! Brian isn’t going anywhere! He needs me! He just got dumped by his long time girlfriend who was a cheating lying whore, he can’t stay on his own at the moment.” I defended.

“He’s big boy for fuck sake! He can stay at Jimmy’s or whatever, why the hell does he have to stay here?!”

“Because his kids are here as well duh! And I don’t see what your problem is, you know you can trust me!”

“The problem is Brian! Didn’t you see the way he was holding you! Like you were his! You’re not! You’re mine!” he said, his voice rising dangerously.

“I’m not anyone’s! I own myself, thank you very much! And nothing’s going to happen between Brian and me, I’m just his closest friend right now and he’s trying to spend as much time with the kids as possible before leaving for tour.” I explained, trying to calm down.

“Tour, let’s talk about that! I’m guessing that Nat is kicked out of Perfect Nightmare, huh? And I’m guessing you’re going to take her place?” he asked.

“Her place? Are you fucking kidding me? It has always been mine! And no, we hadn’t talk about tour yet, I’m comforting Brian, not trying to get back into Perfect Nightmare!”

“Well, I thought the best way to get into Brian’s pants was to be a part of Perfect Nightmare, you should give it a try then, it will save you time…” he spat.

I saw red, I opened the door violently, slamming it into the wall.

“Out!” I said, pointing towards the door before I left the room myself and hurried downstairs, I opened the front door just as violently and glared Billy as he made his way out. I didn’t even waited for him to leave the doorway, I slammed the door shut. I missed him with only a millimeter.

“Fuck!” I yelled, slamming both hands on the wooden door before kicking it and heading back into the living room.

“Do you love me?” I asked bluntly, my eyes glued on Brian, catching everyone of guard.

“Huh…” stuttered Brian, his eyes wide. “You know I love you, but not that way?” he asked, unsure if he was supposed to say that or not. I chuckled.

“That’s what I told Billy, but he just doesn’t believe me! He doesn’t fucking trust me!” I muttered, letting myself fall on the couch and rested my head on Brian’s shoulder.

“It’s understandable Lyn…” said Brian, wrapping his arm around my shoulder. “I mean, Billy just wants to protect you.”
I laughed.

“Protect me? From what, you? Be serious for a second, he’s just being a major pain in the ass. I don’t see what’s wrong with you staying here for a couple of weeks!” I muttered.

“He’s jealous…” said Aiden.

“He should trust me, and trust Brian.” I said, looking at Aiden before focusing on Brian. “I mean, you just broke up with your girlfriend, it’s not like you are going to jump on me or whatever!” I said, rolling my eyes.

“Mummy?”

“Yeah?” I asked, looking away from Brian to look at Celia, who had seated herself on Brian’s lap comfortably.

“Is it possible to change my Daddy?” she asked.

“What?”

“Billy is dumb. Brian is way cooler, and he buys me ice cream, so can I have Brian as a daddy?” she asked innocently.

I rubbed my neck awkwardly and bit my lip. How was I supposed to answer that?

“It’s not that easy Celia. Your father loves you very much…” Started Brian.

“But he’s being an asshole.” She finished his sentence, nodding to herself.

“You’re spending way too much time with Aiden…” said Angelina, shaking her head.

“Celia, you do not talk like that about your father.” Said Aiden, taking his younger sister’s hand and pulling her towards him. He seated her on his lap.

“I’m going to tell you something…”

“A story?” she asked.

“Yeah, well, sort of. Do you wanna hear it?” he asked.

“Yeah!”

He smiled,
“Well, Mummy and Brian loved each other very much but something happened and Mum and Brian went their separate ways and Mum realized that she was pregnant with me and Angie. Billy was Mum’s best friend at that time, and he was there for us. And then, Mum fell in love with Billy, your dad, and they had you. So you can’t change your dad, this is how it is and how it will stay.”

“Well, Brian can adopt me! Right Bri?” she asked, turning away from her brother to look at Brian, giving him puppy dog eyes.

“It’s not that easy Celia, I can’t adopt you. A) Because Billy will rip me to shreds, B) your mother wouldn’t let me, C) I still can buy you ice cream without being your dad.” He explained, smiling at her. She squealed and threw herself at Brian, hugging him tight.

**

“You know what?”

“What?” I asked, looking at Brian as he was grinning over his mug of coffee. We were all sitting at the table, eating breakfast.

“I feel like taking you all to the mall.” He said.

“What do you mean by all?” I asked, cautiously.

“You, me, the twins and Celia. We need to buy you more clothes, you didn’t take much with you. So, what do you think?” he asked, looking at the twins.

“The mall?” asked Angelina, giving the puppy dog eyes to her father. He sighed.

“Can I have ice cream?” asked Celia, looking up from her bowl of cereals.

“Sure sweetie, anything you want!” said Brian.

“Anything?”

“Anything!” he replied.

“Brian…” I warned.

“Dad? please” said Angelina, batting her eyelashes.

“Fine, we are all going to L.A, is that better?” he said, defeated.

“Hell yeah!” screamed Aiden and Angelina as they raced each others to the stairs to get ready. Celia clapped and giggled.

“Yeah for L.A!” she said before she started eating her cereals again.

I bit my lip, trying not to laugh but then I glared at Brian.
“You are spoiling them.”

“Am not!”

“You are! The mall was fine, you did not need to take us to Los Angeles.” I said.

“But Angelina wanted to.”

“Exactly my point. You spoil them.” I said with a playful smile as I got up and gathered the empty bowls and put them in the dishwasher.

Brian sighed.

“Daddy, can you help me choose my clothes?” Celia asked. My heart missed a beat and the bowl I was holding fell from my hands and crashed at my feet.

“Yeah, sure.” Replied Brian with a smile.

“Hold on!” I said. “Celia go ahead, I need to talk to Brian.”

She nodded and ran up the stairs.
“Did I hear her right?” I asked.

“Hear what right?” he asked, frowning.

“She called you ‘daddy’.” I said.

Brian rolled his eyes, “she said Uncle Bri! Stop being paranoid!” he said, patting my shoulder.

I let out a sigh of relief and picked up the scattered pieces of what use to be a bowl. Brian disappeared in the hallway.

I cleaned the kitchen before heading upstairs to get ready.
I walked past Celia’s room. Celia was standing on the bed, holding on to Brian’s shoulder as she extended her leg and let Brian put her skirt on. I rolled my eyes and bit back a laugh. She knew damn well how to get dress by herself. She didn’t need any help.
“So, what t-shirt do you want to wear?” he asked, looking through her closet.

“Pink!” she said.

“How about purple?” he suggested.

“But I like pink!” she protested, crossing her arms over her chest and pouted.

“Purple is a darker shade of pink.” He said with a smile.

“Really?” she asked, stopping the pouting.

“Yeap missy. It’s like black and pink mixed together.”

“So cool, purple then!” she said and held out her arms over her head so he could put her t-shirt on.

I smiled and walked away. I stopped in front of the Angelina’s room. The door was cracked open. Aiden was trying to style his hair, looking at himself in the mirror while Angelina was trying to apply her eyeliner.

“Get out of the way!” they both said at the same time before laughing. Angelina sighed, held the eyeliner between her teeth as she proceeded to style her brother’s hair.

“Done, now please get out of my way.” She said, pushing him a little. He smiled and kissed her cheek before he went to grab his fedora.

I finally made it to my room and got in the shower. I choose some underwears, then grabbed my jeans, a purple tank top and let my hair down. I applied a little bit of make up and then grabbed my purse, I threw everything I might need, or what the kids might need and then left my room to meet everyone downstairs.

Aiden wasn’t wearing his fedora but his baseball cap, a black t-shirt with some inscriptions on it, but I didn’t pay attention. His favourite black ripped jeans, and his Chucks. Angelina was wearing a blue tank top, a skirt and her low Chucks. Brian, well he was Brian and Celia was firmly holding his hand.

“Let’s go.” I said, adjusting my purse that looked more like school bag with the amount of things I had inside.

**

“I want ice cream!” called Celia, tugging at Brian’s hand.

“Celia, you already had two ice creams.” I reminded her.

“But Brian said I could have anything!” she said, looking at Brian. I looked at him, waiting for his answer. He sighed.

“Which flavour this time?” he asked.

I scoffed.

“Vanilla and strawberry please!” she said, smiling brightly at him.

“Alright.” He said, and then shot me an apologetic smile as they headed to the ice creams on the other side of the road.
I rolled my eyes and waited for Angelina to get out of the changing room.

“Mum, I can’t decide!” she said.

“Show me.” I proposed, rubbing my face. She had been in there for at least ten minutes. Aiden was looking at the underwears section. Seriously, teenagers those days...

“This one?” she asked a minute later and she opened the curtain.
She was wearing a purple skirt.

“Or this one?” she asked, holding out a black skirt.

“The purple one!” said Brian as he appeared behind me, Celia up on his shoulders, eating ice cream with a big smile on her face.

“You always choose purple!” I said, rolling my eyes.

“Then take both, I’m paying.” He said and then took Celia off his shoulders, he was probably afraid she might let some ice cream fall on his hair.

“Thanks Dad!” she said and disappeared behind the curtain once again.

“Brian, you need to stop saying Amen to everything they want.” I said with a look of reproach on my face.

“Listen Lyn, they are my children as much as yours. If I want to spoil them, it’s my choice.” He said. “I have way too much money and I won’t be buried with cash in my coffin, so please let me make them happy.”

“They can be happy without your money Brian, that’s not why they love you.” I said.

“I know, but still. If I want to buy Celia a dozen of ice creams, I will.”

“Brian, she might be sick and you won’t be the one to clean the floor.” I said, “And plus, Celia isn’t you kid.” I added while looking at Celia who was talking to Aiden about the ice cream.

“She’s just as good.” He said, “You, Celia and the twins are the only thing I have left. You are the closest thing I have from a family now that Nathalie and I are over.” He added and I felt bad.

“I’m sorry Brian.” I whispered and hugged him. “I should let you do whatever you want, it is your money after all, just don’t make Celia sick by eating too much.” I said and let go of him just as Angelina walked out.

“Thanks Dad!” she said, holding the two skirts.

“Do you need any T-shirts, jeans or whatnot?” he asked, gesturing to the other side of the store.

“Well…” she started.

“Just take a look around and see if there’s anything you like. And bring your siblings with you!” he said. Angelina smiled brightly as Brian took the two skirts from her hand.

“Thanks Dad, you’re the best!” she said as she kissed his cheek and ran towards Aiden and Celia, repeating them Brian’s words.

“Can we stop at the studio later today?” I asked.

“Which studio? Perfect Nightmare or Good Charlotte?” he asked.

“Like I’m going to see Billy after what he told me!” I scoffed. “Nah, I need to talk with the girls, to see what’s going to happen now that Nat is out of the band.” I explained.

“Are joining Perfect Nightmare again?” he asked.

“I don’t know, that would mean going on tour, and I can’t leave the kids. Well, I can, but I don’t want to.” I said, rubbing my neck.

“They could always come with us?” he offered. I laughed.

“Brian, it’s not a travelling circus, it’s a tour. There won’t be enough space in the bus.” I said.

“We are taking two buses, Matt is thinking about taking Val with us, so that means Jason would come. Since Jason will come, Danger will be joining us too, that means Lily too. And since the day Jimmy walked into the GC’s bus and saw that they had 8 bunks when they were just 5, he asked for the same. So the kids can fit in just fine.” He said. “Jason and Danger in one bunk, Celia and Aiden in an other bunk, Lily and Angelina in an other one. That’s 3 bunks. 5 left. Do the maths…” he added, smiling brightly. “We won’t even need an other bus, we all fit in one!”

“Brian, did you stay up all night thinking about that or what?” I asked, chuckling.

“Kind of…” he replied, smiling.

“No, I mean seriously Brian, do the maths. 16 persons in a bus, huh?”

“The bus is huge! I promise! Come on, it’s going to be awesome! Everyone in a bus! And plus, we won’t always sleep in the bunks, Matt made sure we were sleeping in hotels regularly, he doesn’t want Val to be stuck in a bunk for too long… And if you ever want to be on your own, you could always sleep on the couch in the backroom.” He said that so fast, I blinked and opened my mouth to say something when the twins arrived, with a quite important pile of clothes in their arms.

“We are going to try some of that, do you mind?” asked Aiden. Brian and I both shook our heads and followed the kids towards the changing cabins.

I took a sit on one of the chairs, as Brian rested his back against the wall, still holding the two skirts Angelina had chosen.

“So, what do you say, are you coming?” he asked.

“I don’t know Brian, I’ll need to think about that, and probably talk with Billy about it… I’ll tell you once I’ll make up my mind.”

His crossed his arms and let out a heavy sigh.

“What?” I asked, looking at him.

“Oh nothing…” he trailed off, sighing again.

“Okay, what’s wrong?” I asked, getting impatient.

“Well, you know… It would have been so awesome! We could have gone to Disney, like we planned, we could visit some national parks, we could go shopping…” he said, numbering everything on his fingers. “And we could go see Green Day in San Francisco…”

That caught my attention, my head snapped in his direction.

“Say what?”

“Green Day, San Francisco… I looked at the tour dates, we should be in SF two days, with only playing one night, and Green Day are playing in a small venue just the night we have off…3 he said, taking something out of his back jeans’ pocket.

“Oh no you didn’t…” I asked, my eyes wide, both hands covering my mouth, preventing me from screaming as Brian took out 5 tickets.

I squealed, jumped off the chair I was sitting on and threw my arms around Brian, engulfing him in a breathtaking hug. I kissed his cheek.

“Thank you! I love you!” I beamed, the tickets in hands. I was going to see Green Day again!

“What’s going on?” asked Angelina and Celia, walking out of the cabin.

“We are going to see Green Day!” I said, a big grin on my face, waving the tickets.

“Ah, you finally gave her the tickets!” said Aiden, chuckling.

“Huh, you knew?” I asked, looking at the kids.

“Yeap!” said Celia, nodding enthusiastically. “We went to buy them together.” She added.

“Seriously?” I asked, not believing them.

“Yeap!” agreed Angelina and Aiden.

“So, what do you say? Are you back in Perfect Nightmare?” asked Brian.

“Hell yeah!!!”