This, Is Getting Over You

The faster were falling,
We’re stopping and stalling.
We’re running in circles again.

I watched him walking away, my mind desperately trying to comprehend everything that had just happened in a matter of minutes- no, seconds. Glancing from Gerard’s figure, which was quickly putting distance between us and back to Frank,’s embarrassed face, my mind was trying to figure out what to do now.

Frank kissed you. He kissed you.

I studied his face desperately looking for an answer or a motive behind his actions.

“Frank I-“

“Del it’s not what you think,” he blurted nervously in the awkward moment which had formed.

“What was it then?” I questioned, glancing behind once more to see nothing but trees in the distance. Gerard was gone.

“I…well I,” his nerves were clearly audible through his words as he looked away from my gaze, studying the blades of grass. “I know what Gerard’s like Del.”

I sat in silence, my face emotionless and studying every crease and line on Frank’s pale and nervous face. What the hell is he talking about? I found my mind asking myself as Frank stumbled over his words.

“I knew if I-” he started stuttering again. “I knew if I kissed you he would see it and he’ll get jealous and he won’t ignore you!” The words spilled from his lips as if he was just like a five year old who couldn’t keep a secret.

“Frankie, I don’t understand you?” My mouth was speaking for me.

“I mean, well…” he studied the crisp blades of grass once more. “Del he’ll come around,” his eyes met the gaze of my own, full of honesty and revealing that Frank had good intentions. A mischievous smile followed, creeping its way across his sickened face.

He’ll come around?

A smile made its way onto my own face as the realisation of what Frank was saying triggered in my mind. Had Frank kissed me on purpose to make Gerard jealous? My mind was trying to make sense of it all. Frank had a plan, and I finally had a chance to turn the tables. He drove me crazy, he was destroying me, and now I had the chance to do that same to him.

Just as things were looking up
You said it wasn’t good enough.
Still were trying one more time..

“Just play along,” He whispered, just as a jumble of familiar voices sounded behind me.

"I'm fucking hungry." I heard Vinnie's voice linger just behind me.

"You're always fucking hungry, if you were a sheep or cow you could eat the grass and it'll never have to be mowed." I laughed at Josh's comment.

"Yeah Vinnie, go eat some grass- Hey Del!" I finally turned around and saw John running towards me with Josh and Vinnie following.

"You so shoulda came with us! We went into the inner City and it was the coolest," Vinnie said with excitement ignoring the fact that he was being teased.

"Really? What did you guys do?" I asked standing up to look at each of them as they circled me, I felt like a Mother being told how exciting something was by their children.

"Heaps of stuff! We brought shit loads of beer," John added.

I sudden burst of happiness flooded me. Alcohol, oh I missed Alcohol. It was funny how I forgot one of my addictions over the past few weeks. I knew why.
"I think we deserve a party," I suggested, grinning to all three of them.

"Yes...Deserve," Josh agreed with shifty but evil eyed. We all laughed evilly, then laughed at how gay we must have sounded.

"What's with the lame laughing?" I turned around yet again and saw Frankie almost passed out on the floor, clearly I had forgotten about him since the thought of drowning my self in the indulgences of alcohol came into my head.

"You, you little sick boy," I said, gently kicking him in the ribs, of course as a little joke.

"Ow," he whined back with a fake cough. "I'm very sick, ya know."

"Aaw, you're gonna miss the party we are about to start ol' Frankie," I said kneeling down to him. I felt his forehead and waited for some sensation.

"Party?" he said, slowly getting up.

"Yeah, party...We brought beers," Vinnie added with a smirk to me.

"Party? You're having a party?" We all turned around and saw Emma staring at us all, in the evil way that she does. "You guys can party all you like, but Frankie can't."

"What?!" Frankie and I both yelled with disappointment. "Why?" We both asked in unison again.

"Look at him!" She almost screamed to me. "You're lying on the ground like road kill!" She answered Frankie.

"Wow, I feel a lot better know!" Frankie said shooting up from his almost passed out position.

"What a miracle!" I proclaimed.

"Wow!" Vinnie said in awe, trying to add to the affect. We all looked at her as Frankie got up.

"Oh come on, don't give me that bullshit." She rolled her eyes. My eyes looked away from her glare and looked behind her. Ray, Bob and Mikey were slowly strolling to us talking among themselves, looked as though it was something important.

"I'm not! Look-" My attention slowly went back to Frankie, he was slowly beginning to dance in a weird way. "-I'm in party mode!"

"What's up with the freaky dancing Frankie?" I suddenly heard Mikey and I turned to him.

Then I was gone. I shut myself away from the outside world and began to feel hot flashes. What have I done? the same vision of watching Gerard walk away over and over...Where did he go? Why did he go? He kept walking away in my mind and I kept screaming for him to come back. Just come back, please.

"Del? What's wrong?" I came back into reality and looked at their eyes glancing back at me. The mere sight of his brother reminded me of him.

"I gotta go the bathroom, be right back..." I began to rush to the bus door and away from the presence of the Way gene.

"Well, if you feel like being more sick Frankie, then fine, you can 'party' all you want but don't came crawling back to me when you can't play tomorrow." I heard Emma say as I found myself walking up the stairs of the bus.

I quickly rushed into the bathroom, slammed the door and locked it. What the fuck have I done? I knew I didn't do anything, but then I did...I could have ran after him and explained what happened. I could have but I didn't. How could I feel this way about what happened? Why does it matter to me so God damn fucking much? You care for him. No I don't! You want him. No, I do not! You can't resist him. Yes I fucking can! You need him... Weakness fell upon my body like rocks fall into water.

"Del?" Only a few knocks woke me up from what seemed like a nightmare. "It's me, please open up." I turned around and straightened myself up.

"One sec," I said as I went over to the basin. I turned the cold water on, it was rushing down into the drain. You feel washed up like piss gone down the drain. I splashed my face with the icy cold water and the heat from my cheeks ran away. With my eyes closed I faced the mirror, I slowly opened my eyes and saw that girl staring back at me. Pale, lifeless and washed out. He's walked away and left me with this fucking pain.

"Hurry up would ya?!" Another knock hit the door.

"Okay, okay..." I walked over to the door and opened it, I stepped out with a fake smile. "Now, what the fuck do you want?" I said walking away from him and into the middle of the bus. I turned around and watch him follow me. I put my hands on my hips and put a questioning expression.

"I bought you something," he said as he picked up a fancy looking bag sitting on the table. He held it out to me.

"You bought me something?" Had the world ended?

"Yeah, I thought that you deserved it...Ya know, for being you." Something was up.

I looked at him as if he had gone insane and slowly took the bag he had held out to me. With both hands, I opened the bag and my eyes wandered.

"What the-" I sat the bag down and took out what was staring me right in the face. "A skirt?" I held it out in front of me. It was softer than silk, actually, it was laced with silk. My hand ran down the length of it, it was like fish net stuff but softer. It had layers, as if you were meant to see through it but you couldn't. I put it down to my hips and felt it against my legs, it went perfectly above my knees as if it was made for me. I hung it over my arm and went back to the bag to take out the other thing that was in there. As I took out the other thing, my eyes widen.

"A corset?" I looked at him and back to the most beautiful thing, I've ever seen. It was laced with the blackest of black and just underneath the black was the darkest of purples.

"You like?"

"This is the gayest thing you've done for me," I said with a tiny laugh. I pulled my eyes away from what I was holding and looked at him. He looked hurt...He was really trying to make me happy. "I mean, it's really beautiful...but you know I would never wear anything like this."

"That's why I bought it for you! We saw this in a window and we all said how good this would look on you..." Disappointment from him made me feel guilty, but he knows I don't wear stuff like that.

"It's a nice thought, but me in a skirt and a corset? No can do."

"Why not?! You'd look really pretty...Besides, we all want to see you wear a dress!"

"So you were all talking about how pretty I would look?" I knew what he meant by 'pretty'.

"Okay, okay. We all thought you'd look sexy in it."

"You're all sick bastards...In no way will I ever look sexy, that's why I never wear this stuff!" I sat the skirt and corset down and began to walk to the bus door.

"Please Del? I want to see my sister be the most beautiful girl anyone has seen." I stopped, he was genuine.

Just play along. My head was telling me to do this partly because of Gerard- the guy that ran away from me.

"Fine." I turned back around and saw him hold them out to me. I snatched them from him and tried to hide my smile. "I'm not your sister." He grinned as I started to head for the bathroom, again.

"Yes you are." I heard him say just as I closed the bathroom door.

I once again found myself staring at the little girl in the mirror. "God I hate you," I almost found myself screaming. I grunted and began to change into the outfit, I knew I would be regretting it. Just as my shirt came off I heard a knock at the door.

"Oh, by the way Emma got you these, I leave it at the door." My mind began to wonder what other surprises they had install for me. I went over to the door and opened it and on the floor was a pair of shinning jet black high heels.

"What in Gods name?! I've never even seen things like this in real life beside wear them!"

"Well know you have." I heard him leave the bus.

"Mother-" I grabbed them from the floor and threw them into the bathroom.

After struggling to put the Corset on and high heels, I made my face to the beautiful he was thinking about with pale and dark makeup. I could barely breathe, the corset was doing its work by pushing, pulling and strangling me. I faced the mirror with my face closed, I was afraid of looking at that girl trying to dress like women. Slowly, I opened one of my eyes and the fear of opening the other went away. The little girl was gone, there was a women staring back at me. The funny thing was that, that women was me. I started to lose my balance and found my ankle rolling from the height of the heels.

"Fuck," I said in frustration. I found my feet and stood proudly. "Play along Del, just play along." I was ready. I was ready to go and show them how much of a woman I could really be.

I opened the door and walked out, at first stumbled but I picked myself up. I kept my head held high and looked straight ahead. I slightly smiled, I was trying to show how looking like this really made me feel. I never thought in a millions year I could feel like this, feel beautiful. I left my stare and looked out the window as I walked past, nerves came crashing. They were all standing beside the bus, drinking beer and probably waiting. Gerard. Gerard was there, he had his arms folded and hands free. The nerves turned into a heart attack, that racing heart attack wear all limbs would go numb. Inside my heart, I knew I was trying to impress him. Step by step, I walked, Josh noticed I was coming out.

"She's coming out!" He screamed.

"Get the cameras!" Mikey yelled.

"My God, I'm gonna get millions from this." I smiled as Bob finished saying that.

I hid behind the bus door like a little girl playing hide and seek. "Before I come out, you all have to promise that you won't laugh at this..."

"History in the making!" John said, I took a peak and saw half of them with cameras. I looked at Gerard but he was talking with Emma, who also wasn't paying attention.

"We won't laugh, promise!" Vinnie spoke up.

"Okay." I took a deep breath. I opened the bus door and stepped down on step, my heart was racing as I looked at them. I kept my head up my eyes down, they weren't saying anything; nothing at all. I looked up and over to Gerard, he was looking at me, he didn't move. My cheeks flushed with red, embarrassment red.

"Del..." I looked over to Josh who just kept staring at me.

"It's bad isn't it?" I began to walk up the stairs with a struggle. "I knew I shouldn't have worn this, I look like an idiot.

"Wait!" I felt someone's hand around my wrist, pulling me down. It was Josh, his eyes began to grow red and he tried to hide them. I looked at the other guys and Emma who were all in shock. "It's not even close to bad...You look...amazing."

"Wow...just, wow..." I turned to Frankie.

"Del, God..."

"You look really fucking beautiful Del," Emma said that? Now I was in shock. "Quickly! Take photos!" She instructed. Suddenly everyone was taking flashes. As the lights flashed every second I looked once again over to Gerard, he hadn't stopped looking at me since I last looked.

"Okay, that's enough embarrassment for one day...I'm gonna go change now."

"Aw, just a few more minutes!" Josh pleaded.

"Nope, got some drinking to do," I said plainly as I began to walk back up the stairs.

"Well guys, there goes the most beautiful women you'll ever see, shows over now get the fuck home now," Josh said. I heard laughter as I began walking to the bathroom.

"Man, she looks pretty sexy for a best friend I must say," John said.

"Unlike your face," Ray added and they all burst out into laughter. I couldn't help but laugh myself.

As I walked yet again past the window I couldn't help but look out. I saw Mikey standing near Gerard, they were talking. Gerard put his hand up to his head. I wish I knew that they were saying. He quickly looked at me, I shot my eyes to Josh and acted as if he never existed. I threw the shoes off and ran to the bathroom grabbing my trust worthy skinny legs along the way. Slamming the bathroom door shut I grinned, I couldn't believe that they thought I was pretty...or, at least that's what I thought they thought. There it was they were lying. Negativity was more specialty, I couldn't help it.

"At least it felt good," I said as if someone was there.

I began to take the skirt off and once I had I folded it, I wanted to keep it. I stood in the mirror and looked at the corset, it made me the women I thought I was. It brought out the curves I never knew I had. Suddenly, I paid attention to what kinda curves I had. My chest; my heart almost broke out of my rib cage. I was looking like this. I was somewhat impressed. I pushed out my chest and smiled, no wait, smirked. Just play along. I quickly dragged my skinny legs onto my legs, I rushed out and put my socks and old converses on. I looked down at my chest again, God, you really are pathetic. "At least it feels good." I smirked.

I rushed down the stairs and onto the grass, the bus lights shown down onto everyone brightening up the night sky.

"I thought you were gonna change Chesty La Roo," Josh said. I grinned and bit my bottom lip.

"I like this top, sue me," I said running past him and over to the beers. I looked at the box, my smile hadn't wiped away yet, I was looking at thousands of beers right before me. I picked up and began to twist at the lid. "Fucking, op-en."

"Nice work," I heard a whisper in my ear. I watched as Frankie bent down a grabbed a beer.

"Thanks," I replied. He looked ahead and opened his beer, took a sip and took mine to open it for me.

"He’s hitting himself over the head for being a dick now," he informed me.

"So that's what he was taking about?" I watched as he quickly looked over to Gerard than me. One part of me was jumping for joy, but the other part…

"He's kinda shallow to do that only because I wore something like that, what about the crap about how a girl is rather than her body?" I asked turning to him.

"All guys are like that...I know Gerard, his mind is probably eating itself away because he knows that you can be beautiful inside out."

"Y'know, all of this shit is annoying me." I took a big gulp of the bittier taste and let it do its work on my senses.

Suddenly music started to blast out from inside the My Chem bus, then the sound was being dragged out by Emma. I turned to see her coming with a CD player. She sat it down on the ground and took a beer.

"You fucking kids," she grumbled and walked away. Both Frankie and I burst out in laughter.

"You kids, where's my old man money from the Government!" I spat out beer and spat laughter along with it.

"Holy shit, I fucking love this song!" I looked down at the CD player and my smile turned into a grin.

"My God, you girls and this fucking song!" Vinnie yelled as I began to swing my heaps.

"Dance with me Frankie!" He laughed and began to dance close to me, we bumped hips and began to dance like fools. "I love myself I want you to love me!"

"When I feel down I want you above me!"

"I search myself I want you to find me!" We were both laughing like idiots trying to dirty dance.

"I forget myself I want you to remind me!"

"I don't want anybody else!" I sang as loud as I could. Then I saw Mikey separate himself from Gerard...

"When I think about you I touch myself!" I could help but crack up after seeing Mikey join in.

"Ooh I don't want anybody else oh no, oh no, oh no!" We sang in unison. It felt like one of the best things to feel, to sing a song with others.

We all linked arms and spun around as if we were square dancing. I kept drinking beer after beer, song after song. The entire world around me sunk into the ground, only the music and the thought of Frankie dancing with me was there. I could barely see, I could barely stand. It felt good, as though I didn't have a care in the world, as if I was a totally different person - as I wasn't me at all.

"I think I'm gonna barf..." I stopped moving my body and looked over to Mikey, who was bent down still holding onto his beer. I went over to him and tried to get sober within a matter of seconds.

"Are you alright Mikey’s?" As soon as my hand touched his back, he was taken away.

"You've drunken to much, come on..." I looked up and Gerard's stare burnt into me.

"I-"

"-He'll be alright Del, daaaaaance!" Frankie took my hand a dragged me away.

"Okay!" I snapped away from Gerard and kept dancing, but this time not like I've ever danced before. I wasn't myself, I felt like doing what ever I could, whatever I could to get him to come back. I took Frankie's hand and snapped him closer to me, looking into his eyes were impossible because I saw two pairs of eyes, so I closed my eyes instead. I took his hands and began to swing around until the bottles in our hands fell to the ground. We swung and swung until the ground was underneath us.

"Stacks on!"

"On no!" I screamed in a very un-lady like manner. Seconds later Vinnie was on top of me and party Frankie, then John jumped on top of Vinnie and Josh and Ray came rushing.

"This...is so dirty," Frankie said laughing in that unforgettable laugh.

"You guys are gay!" I laughed as I struggled to stay alive. This is the way I wanted it to be, not in this orgy like pile, but having fun.

"I just realized how much of an orgy this must look like," John said as he struggled to get up. A huge burst of laughter crowed us all. My head was being pushed and forced to look in another direction- Gerard's direction.

He stood by Mikey as he was hurling, he took his smoke from his lips and blew out a hazy shade of grey. Those lips. Suddenly, I wasn't happy any longer. I was drunk and depressed, and I was only pretending to be happy.
One thing I knew about not being sober was that the one thing that takes away my happiness was the one thing in my life that was troubling me, and that was Gerard. Just seeing him like that made me crawl out just as everyone was getting up. The change of song wasn't helping.

Hell there, the angel from my nightmare.

I quickly ran over to the CD player and changed the song, Cypris Hill's Jump Around came on. I made my way to the beer, hearing all of their no worry conversations. I was trapped again, my mind ran away because my body wasn't able.

"Del?" Frankie's hand was upon my shoulder.

"I'm just gonna go have a smoke, I need a sec alone, okay?"

"Okay...But I can't leave you by yourself for too long." With that, he went back to them.

My hand felt the pack of smokes I had left in my pocket from the day before, so I went backup to the path I was walking along not long ago. My feet didn't know how to walk and I didn't know how to direct or even see them. All I could do was keep sipping onto the beer that was firmly placed in my hand. I found myself lighting up a smoke and taking the longest drag, hoping that it would kill me. What the fuck is wrong with me? One minute I'm happier than happy could be, then, I'm smoking for my death? I know what's wrong with me, what's wrong with me is Gerard. Why is it that once I don't have him I break down?

I couldn't walk any longer, I sat down and looked up to the moon. It was the whitest I had ever seen it and almost as bright as the glare of the midday sun. Closing my eyes gave me a swirling pain. My back hit the ground and I was gone, my eyes began to cry those salty tears I knew all to well, they felt like boiling water being poured down my cheeks.

"Just fucking come back to me!" I screamed as the agony of the tears ripped into me, that cry where no matter what you do you can't stop it, there's just this yelping pain coming from your chest making it hard to breathe.

The shadow in background of the morgue.

My heart was no longer pounding, I was finally left to feel the pain he left me without any agony, just regret.

The unsuspecting victim of darkness in the valley.

Why didn't I know that this was coming to me? Why didn't I stop it before this could happen?

We can live like Jack and Sally if we want.

I needed him but I couldn’t have him.

I pulled myself up, sculling the beer, I began to run back. My feet not wanting to help me pick myself up or let me run, I was struggling- I was breaking down with each failed stepped. My face hit the ground and I clawed at the ground beneath me, crying like it was the last time I could cry. I was going into insanity. Just give me a kiss worth dying for. I picked myself up with that little hope. My hands stung from the gravel scrapping along them. I finally saw the buses and ran to them.

Where you can always find me.

"Frankie?!" He wasn't there. "Josh?! Mikey?! Vinnie!? Anyone!?" No one was there. Where had they gone?

And we'll have Halloween on Christmas.

I couldn't stand my mind, it was scratching my sanity away. Tears drops fell to the ground as I looked around for any sign of someone to save me.

And in the night we'll wish this never ends.

The only hope I had for something to save me was the CD player I was staring at. I grabbed it and had the lyrics playing in my mind. We'll wish this never end.

I picked it up and started to run away with it gripped into my hand, don't think I didn't take another beer because it was something I craved for. I ran away from the buses, further away from where I was before. I found myself back at the lake. I sat the CD player down and put on the song I needed just as much as I needed him. The sound pumped straight my heart, into my blood, into my veins and into my soul.

Where are you and I'm so sorry.
I cannot sleep I cannot dream tonight.
I need somebody and always.
This sick strange darkness comes creeping on so haunting everytime.
And as I stared, I counted the webs from all the spiders.
Catching things and eating their insides.
Like indecision to call you.

The beer kept getting me more and more drunk as I kept drinking. I needed to scream, I needed to get the thoughts out of my head. Then...

"And hear your voice of treason! Will you come home and stop this pain tonight?! Stop this pain tonight!" I screamed as hard as I could.

"Don't waste your time on me your already the voice inside my head!" My heart was screaming it.

"Don't waste your time on me your already the voice inside my head!" My head screamed.

"Don't waste your time on me your already the voice inside my head!" My voiced screamed.

"Don't waste your time on me your already the voice inside my head!" My mind screamed. "I miss you!"

How much I needed to scream. "I miss you..." I finally gave up and collapsed to the ground like a rag doll; pathetically. The last of my tears fell just as the last of my beer was gone. I closed my eyes tighter than I have ever done before, I just wished that none of this ever happened. I've never felt so much regret, so much agony and pain. My body gave up and let me pass out.

I miss you. I missed myself.

A cold wind blew upon my face, making my cheeks pinch themselves. I didn't want to open my eyes, I didn't want to face the world and the harsh reality of what I had done. But, my eyes thought different. They slowly opened themselves and found a vision of the earliest morning they had ever seen. I laid there for a moment just trying to not think. Of course, my mind refused to go along with my plans and thought anyway.

I'm feel sick.

My stomach felt as if a thousand needles and knives were stabbing into me, but I wasn't cold; which was strange since I knew I was lying on the grass near some lake early in the morning. My head lightly sprung up and I noticed there was something covering me, it was a blanket that had a scent I recognized. My mind has suggested whose it was, but I refused to believe it. The tips of my cold fingers rubbed my face just as I brought myself up. I opened my eyes and looked out to what was in front of me; the lake. The sun was beginning to show itself. A touch of orange filtered on the horizon, telling me that a new day was about to begin. I sighed knowing that everyone -besides the person that left me this blanket- would probably be worrying about where I was. My head pounded into my skull making my eyes roll back. With my closed eyes, I went in search for the packet of cigarettes I was longing for. I pulled out the packet from my pocket and examined it closely. The package was fucked up because I was sleeping on it and I had smoked the last smoke last night.

"Great," I said to myself as I threw the empty packet away. I thumped my head back down to the ground and looked up to the part of the sky, which was still littered with tiny, shining stars. Then, without any warning, something landed next to me. I turned my head and saw a packet of cigarettes lying open right next to my arm. My eyes squinted in confusion as I got up and took the packet. My head began to gather information as to why a packet of smokes fell from the sky. I slowly turned my head because I had a feeling it didn't fall from the sky. And, there he was, sitting on the ground with his knees up as he was puffing away on a cigarette. I quickly looked away and shut my eyes hoping it was just my brain letting me see someone I secretly wanted to see. I opened them once more and turned back. The smoke from his lips bellowed out softly as his eyes studied me. He didn't say anything and I didn't think he would.

Oh God. I took a cigarette from the packet and placed it in between my lips. I sat the packet down and looked out to the lake as I searched for my lighter. You gotta be kidding me, my mind thought just as realization set it; I had lost it. I forced myself to get up and search through my pockets again, but no, nothing was there. I turned around nervously.

"Gotta spark I can borrow?" I found myself asking as I looked at the man that made my cheeks burn red. He placed his cigarette between his lips and put his hand in his pocket and pulled out a lighter, he held it out to me, I went over and took it; just as simple as that. With my cigarette still between my trembling lips, I held the light up. I began to spark and spark, but nothing was happening. I sighed in frustration and tried again, nothing but little sparks flying out. I closed my eyes and tried again, as I opened them my heart leaped. But, a gentle push from the wind sawing from behind me put out the little fire coming from the plastic man-made fire starter. I yet again tried, but nothing...it was all out, just my luck. I sighed and looked at him, holding it back out to him. With my surprise, he stood up. One step, two steps- he was in front of me. My hand froze as he took the lighter from my hand and dropped it to the ground. Oh how much we could litter the place dirty. I watched every movement of his hand as he lifted it towards my lips. He placed his have smoked cigarette between his lips then placed his fingers upon mine, dragging it closed to his with my lips still attached.

Oh God, oh God, oh God. My heart was racing, no pounding, no...stopping.

With the light he was giving me, I blew on my cigarette. The little red cherry at the end of it burned away. My eyes wandered away from the smoke that was flying into the air and to his lips, then his nose, then his cheeks and then his eyes...that were already looking at me. Stop! My heart began to pump and I pulled away. "Thanks."

I took a few steps away from him and sucked in the smoke that I needed to get my survival drug from. I didn't know what to do, I needed to look busy, and I needed to look as though I didn't need him. So, I picked up the blanket and folded it. I made sure it looked perfect. I placed it in both hands and held it out to him. "Thanks," was all I wanted to say. I dusted myself off and began to walk away, back to the buses.

"I won't try and make you stay..." I stopped.

"What?" I asked as I kept my vision away from him.

"I won't make you stay here," his voice echoed inside my mind. I could help but turned around and see that he was looking straight back at me.

"What's the s'posed to mean?" I questioned. He threw his cigarette to the ground and his eyes found their way back to me. He lazily folded his arms after placing the blanket on the ground and before wiping his nose, which began to show a shade of light pink. His feet were firmly stood upon the ground, his face gently keeping straight in my direction.

"It means that I wanted you to stay, but I won't make you."

"Okay," I said plainly, as I shuffled my feet in the other direction, but I couldn't step forward. I turned back around and said, "Why didn't you just wake me up and tell me to go back to the bus instead of putting a blanket over me?"

"Because I know what it's like to pass out drunk," he said. Wasn't what I wanted to here, so leaving was my only option. I turned around and took three steps. "Wait!" I stopped. I couldn't believe it- he wanted me to stay. I turned around and stared blankly at him. "I want to talk to you."

"Well I don't want to speak with you." I turned around and took five steps.

"I'm sorry," he gently said. I couldn't go any further, I slowly put myself back from where I came from.

"Why are you sorry?" I stared, his blank expression tried to look away. "Is it because I kissed Frankie and now you want me back so you can play those games? Is that the reason? Or are you jealous because I refused to let you play them on me?" My anger was seeping through more and more.

"It's not like that-"

"Well than what is it like?" His eyes were pleading for me to understand, but I just couldn't. "There isn't any other way for it to be like. I know your mind games too well, in fact I know them so well that you even play them when I'm not around you!" My eyes began to sting just as my head. "I don't know if I have the guts to say the rest..." I was off in the other direction.

"Just say it," he said. I grinned my teeth and yet again turned around.

"Say what?"

"Just say it."

"What?!"

"That you don't like me!"

"Haven't I said it before?! I hate you!" I almost screamed. Finally, the tears came streaming down.

"That's why I'm sorry! I'm sorry because I still don't want to let myself know that you hate me!" I almost stormed in front of him.

"Do you know the difference between a thief and a crook, Mr Way?" My eyes were shooting daggers through him.

"They both steal, there is no difference." His eyes went from one side of my face to the other, expecting every single tear that fell.

"No." I wiped the tears away and I started, "a thief steals because they need to, a crook steals because they want to. You are a crook. You went through me and stole my sanity, stole my self respect, stole who...I...am." I wanted to make it clear. Maybe so clear that he couldn't respond, and he didn't. I began to throw my feet to the ground, causing shocks of anger to surge into me.

"I'm a thief. And for you information, you're one too!" I heard. I turned around but kept walking, I couldn't help but laugh sarcastically.

"Fuck you, Way!"

"Fuck you too, Rogers!" I turned and watched as he picked up the blanket I had neatly folded and threw it the ground.

"Watch me walk away and never come back!" I screamed as I began to jog down the dusty path, dragging along the storm I had created. I'll give him the best game he'll never want to play.