Dark Eyed Dreamers

For the second night in a row I found it hard to sleep. Whenever my eyes shut and I started to drift off into a sleep thoughts would flood my mind and I’d instantly snap awake again. When it finally reached a suitable hour I dragged myself from under the covers. I didn’t bother to take care in my appearance. I still hadn’t replied to anyone’s calls. As I looked through the list I saw several familiar names. Jamie, Jamie, Louise, Alex, Louise, Jamie, Jack... I let out a low sigh. Tucking my phone into my pocket I made my way from the room. I decided to make my way to the closest house, second to Jack’s. My sneakers slapped along the sidewalk as I dragged myself down the cold path.

The clouds cast a dull gray across the streets of Cockeysville. I approached the front steps to the door in a little under five minute. Taking one of my hands from my pocket I tapped the wood. Shuffling could be heard from the other side of the door before it eventually swung open. Louise gasped when he took in my appearance. Thankfully she didn’t ask any questions, simply enveloped me in a hug before allowing me inside.

Before I had a chance to make my own way up to her room she caught my attention.

“Uh, Bri?” She asked softly. My only reply was turning and facing her in the eyes. “I’m just getting ready to go out,” she explained.

“Oh,” I murmured almost inaudibly.

“You can come with,” she added tossing me a smile. I simply nodded and we both turned and walked towards her bedroom. As I entered the room Louise instantly walked to the closet, fishing out a jacket whilst I walked to her shelf. Glancing over the surfaces I spotted old things. A book I’d given her, a yearbook stood next to it, a birthday present from Kara, a picture of her and Alex. I shook my head and turned back around. Louise stood with both her hands on the doors, tilting her head to the side. I half smiled to myself and came up behind her, biting my lip as I scanned the selection. I extended my arm over her shoulder and pulled on a hanger, holding it in front of her.

“That one,” I muttered. She turned slightly to glance at me and took the garment from my hand. Tossing me a quick smile she slipped the material over her shoulders and made her way to the door. I followed and we made our way from the room. We sat in near silence for a few moments before Kara arrived and we set off to wherever we planned to go. I didn’t bother to ask where we were going, I didn’t think to ask.

My mind was completely blank as I watched my feet trudge across the ground. I felt a hand on my arm and lifted my head to see Louise tossing me a smile. Kara was on the other side doing the same thing. I frowned slightly and looked around to see where we were. My eyes almost instantly snapped to the large black boxes on the other side of the street. My eyes then caught sight of the white van with the trailer on the back and finally, the boys loading the boxes into the trailer. The look on my face must have been one of pure terror as I flicked my eyes back to the two girls who were sending me sympathetic looks.

“Please, no,” I pleaded. Their faces dropped to frowns and they looked at each other in confusion.

“But, don’t you wanna say goodbye to Jack?” Kara asked just above a whisper. I felt a single tear drip from my eyes onto the fabric of my shirt.

“No,” I answered simply. They exchanged a worried look before the guys took note of us. I could see Alex approaching in my peripheral vision. I let out an exasperated sigh and knew there was no turning back now. Seeing the look on my face his expression turned more concerned with every step. He took a hold of me in a firm hug and I was quick to return it, clinging onto him to keep myself together. Peering over his shoulder for a brief moment I could see Jack looking at us.

When he saw my eyes he returned to picking up a box and loading it into the back. I could feel my mood dropping even more at the action and buried my face into Alex’s neck. I could feel Louise put her hand on the small of my back causing me to pull away from Alex and tuck my hair behind my ear. Folding my arms across my chest I kept my eyes glued to the floor. The three around me, despite how reluctant I was, guided be towards the rest of the group. Thankfully they kept me from Jack.

We spoke to Rian about their plans with tour. Lisa was planning to go out on tour with them whenever she got time off college which made me slightly envious. Whenever the guys had a few days off Rian was planning to take a day to come and see Kara back in Maryland depending on how far away they were. When I thought about it, who would I see? Would I suddenly drift away from all of them because of what had happened with Jack?

Zack was the next to come over when Rian went to help Jack. Carolyn arrived soon after spending as much time as she could with Zack. We’d sent a few hours talking to each other, however, Jack and I hadn’t even made eye contact.

“Guys, we’re gonna have to set off soon,” a short haired guy called from the back of the van.

“Who was that? I recognise him,” I asked turning to Alex.

“That’s our tour manager, Matt,” he smile. My eyes went wide.

“Matt Flyzik?” I asked for confirmation.

“That’s right,” he grinned.

“My god. As in Underscore Matt? Seriously?” I asked glancing back at the back of the van.

“Yep! Well, he’s gonna be with us all the way. This is so exciting!” He beamed. For the first time in a few days I smiled a genuine smile at his happiness.

“Yeah, I suppose he’ll just gonna be another one of the famous guys you’ve met soon enough,” I muttered managing a laugh.

“Yeah,” he replied studying my face and biting his lip. Suddenly he leaned forwards and wrapped me in yet another tight hug. “I’ll call you all the time. Same with the others,” he voiced. “You’re gonna do amazing in college Bri,” he smiled. I returned the smile and he pulled away as Carolyn approached Zack who was the leaned against the van right near us. We didn’t pay much attention throughout their conversation until we eventually stopped talking.

“Um, Zack?” Carolyn began as he took a hold on her hands.

“Yeah?” He replied tracing his thumbs over her dainty fingers.

“I love you,” she grinned. He looked up to her and studied her face for a sign of doubt.

“Do you mean it?” He asked to which she shrugged.

“You told me to tell you when I got there,” she smiled. Zack appeared overwhelmed as his face relaxed into a large grin and he brought Carolyn closer to him. The image before me brought back so many memories that I could feel my throat start to close. I shut my eyes and turned away; everything was building up and becoming too hard. I didn’t get too far away before warm skin grabbed onto my elbow. I was pulled back, stopping me in my tracks. As I turned around my eyes landed on the person I’d least expected to see, Jack.

“If you’re planning on walking away then don’t,” he shook his head.

“What’s it to you?” I asked bitterly. He let out a low sigh and turned me fully so my body was facing his.

“Please don’t be like this,” he whispered softly. “They’re your friends as well as mine. If you don’t say goodbye they’ll be heartbroken,” I winced at the word. He seemed to pick up on this and bit on his lip. “I didn’t want this to happen. Believe me. But I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I was wasted one night and woke up with someone other than you beside me.”

“Jack. Stop it. Please,” I begged averting my eyes from his and looking at his hand held to my arm. “Jack this is too hard just go.” Carefully he took a step closer causing me to tense up. He noticed this and stopped for a moment before slipping his hands from my arms. He leaned forward but before he could get too close I turned my head to the side. I didn’t want anything to be made harder but one of his hands took a hold on the bottom half of my face and he guided my mouth around to meet his.

At the mere contact the familiar tidal waves crashed through my stomach. The familiar feeling of his lips moulding to mine returned once again and I didn’t want to let him go despite knowing I had to. My fingers took a firm grip on his shirt as I kept him pulled to me as if my feeble attempts could keep him with me instead of leaving. The taste of his lips, no matter how chapped they were, stayed the same, a strong sweet taste. When we eventually parted the realisation hit that within moments he’d be gone. I pulled him back with my fingers which were still woven in the material to his front and I rested my head against his chest. His arms wrapped around me and it took all the strength I had to not break down in front of him.

“I do love you,” he whispered against my hair. I clung to his shirt even tighter to fight the emotions. “I’ll be here for you. And I’m gonna call you all the time. I promise,” he sealed the promise by kissing my hair. I pulled away from him and took a deep breath.

“Bye Jack,” I uttered. I could see a small smile tug at one of the sides of his lips.

“Goodbye’s so final,” he commented. With that he sent me a smile which I couldn’t return. After that he turned and didn’t look back as he went to load the final box into the van. At that point all the other guys came over. After saying goodbye and hugging, they all turned and the girls joined me on the sidewalk. Matt took to the driver’s seat whereas Alex slid the door on the side of the van open. First Rian stepped inside, the Zack, finally Jack. I could see him subtly glance behind at us before taking his seat. Alex finally took a seat inside and slid the door shut again. And with that Matt started the ignition and the van drove off. I kept on watching until they disappeared from sight; even then my eyes were glued to the last corner they’d turned.

I’d always believed the boys were gonna make it big. No doubt they would be. Their music would reach millions and before they knew it they’d be out of the van and lounging around tour buses. I knew they would. They were going places. This was one of the two things plaguing my mind as I treasured the last images I had of the boys I wouldn’t see again for who knew how many months, maybe years. The other thought was a simple thought, but one that would inevitably trigger the break down I was about to face only moments after they’d left. Jack was gone.