Trust or Kill

~Kanie’s P.O.V~
After a full week of avoiding everyone except the Cullens, I finally decided to explore La Push a bit. The beach was quite beautiful after all.
But it would have been better if the wolf that I met a week ago was here too. For some reason, the animal just felt so familiar. The way it acts, the it runs, the it breaths… its eyes… they all felt familiar. Felt… humanlike.
I remembered when it scrunched up its nose upon entering the Cullen’s place. Although, unlike it, I could see what was so bad about the smell there.
That doesn’t mean I can tolerate it, though. The whole place smelled like perfume, a good one I admit, but still perfume. I just liked a little wilderness in everything, just like how the whole Clearwater’s place smells; adventure, wilderness, and perfume, all mixed in one.
After some argument the big, brawny, Emmett managed to convince everyone that I have a right to know about the werewolves. But Edward was insistent that I shouldn’t publish any story about them just yet, nor should I tell anyone—even the werewolf clan—that I knew about them since I wasn’t planning on being a vampire (up till now I still have a hard time admitting they exist), I have no right to know about the wolves. And I could be killed, given what kind of job I had.
The only thing left was Mike, who, according to Alice, will be looking for a story on the Cullens and the La Push residence when he gets here, and for some reason Alice still thinks my life is at stake.
Emmett offered to protect me 24/7 and if Rosalie didn’t smack his head, he would probably have insisted till I agreed. Personally, I think Emmett was supportive because he just wanted a chance to fight against werewolves if any came at me. It is quite obvious that fighting was his kind of “fun,” which sounded freaky at first, but Emmett was a funny guy… or bear.
I laughed to myself; the Cullens were one extraordinary family… and I secretly longed to be part of it.
Edward, of course, knew it, and I think Jasper and Esme might have as well. They were nice about it, Jasper especially; they invited me to go over whenever I wanted and make myself at home. I smiled at the thought.
Stopping my bike right in front of the La Push beach, I took my shoes off and walked to the water. I had no intention of getting myself wet and ruining the corset I was wearing, but I did want my feet wet.
Then I saw Renesme building a sand castle.
I felt a slight pang of envy light through me; Renesme was truly a beautiful child, and she had Jacob. I had no one.
Mike Newton doesn’t count.
But where the envy lay, no hate could be found. I guess it was safe for me to be near her, at least I wouldn’t attempt to do anything to hurt her.
She’d grown again, now she was only a few years younger than me. Eight? Nine?
“Hey, Nessy,” I grinned, Bella had told me her nickname… with slight disgust but happiness. I laughed.
“Hello Kanie!” Renesme grinned, “Come to play with me and Jacob today?”
I felt a warm, but pained smile on me. Of course, she wouldn’t know how much I loved Jacob, but on the other hand, nothing was her fault. She was the most innocent and beautiful creature I’ve ever met, I simply couldn’t falling in love with her like I once used to with a young boy I called my brother.
I sighed, the pain increased in many aspects.
“Is Aunt Kanie OK?” she asked in her childish voice. I was an aunt now? I laugh at that, and then crouched down beside her cautiously, not wanting to get my sand in my skirt.
“Have you ever lost something you love, Nessy?” I asked, the little child shook her head and I continued, “You know, Aunt Kanie used to know a little boy just as sweet as you.” Renesme grinned, but then her face fell, “What happened?”
“My fault, I broke my promise… I moved to America… I didn’t keep in touch,” I said softly. Renesme was looking at me with wide eyes, so I added quickly, “You have to understand, Nessy, I was going through a lot… these past few years has been… hell.”
Renesme nodding in understanding, “Nessy has something to show Aunt Kanie.” I smiled, “Don’t worry about it Nessy, Aunt Kanie knows.” Renesme just shook her head, “It’s much better to see,” then she touched my face.
The images hit me like a wave. I saw and felt everything, the pain when Bella was transformed, the first time she went hunting for animals, the first time she laid eyes on Jacob, they all appeared before me, as if they were real. Renesme had completely swept me off my feet.
Then a familiar image came to me. A wolf, big, yet smaller than the others, with warm eyes that melt my insides. It was the same wolf that had followed me to the Cullen’s place, the same wolf that had always come to meet me in the forests. Something about was also familiar, as if it wasn’t a wolf at all. But before I could find out what it really was, a sharp voice interrupted.
“Renesme!” Jacob called as he ran towards us. He snatched her off the ground and away from me, “What did you show her?”
Renesme looked into his eyes for a moment, “What I should grandpa Charlie,” I let out an internal sigh of relief.
But Jacob wasn’t buying it, “You know, I know you know. If you tell…”
“You’ll what?” I yelled, rage building inside of me, “What will you f**king do if I tell? Kill me?” Jacob looked stunned by angry, “Kill me,” I said in a lower but deadly voice, “I don’t care, it’s not like I have anything to live for!”
I heard Jacob inhale; he put Renesme down slowly, then grabbed me and placed his lips upon mine. It felt good, but just not right, because I knew he was doing it because he was forced to. I knew wasn’t doing it out of any feelings he had for me, except hatred.
I couldn’t stand it. I shoved him off with all my might, catching him with surprise. I spat on the ground and wiped my lips with my hand, “I can’t believe you just did that, you dog. You made my first kiss a complete ruin, and you would even do it in front of Renesme!” I saw surprise mingled with guilt and disgust on his face.
“Have you ever stopped to think how tonight would affect Renesme? Have you ever stopped to think how it would affect me? I am still human, Jacob, I still have a heart and a dignity to keep.”
Jacob blinked then snarled, “We have no other choice but to kill-”
“Kill me then! I told you, I don’t give a shit! Kill me now” Jacob look outraged, and Renesme had started crying, “Jacob, no, don’t kill Kanie, don’t kill Kanie!” He picked her up and kept a firm hold on her.
I took a deep breath, “I had no intention of telling anyone when I met Renesme today. She has a life to live with you and I don’t want to ruin it.” I looked into his eyes, “But guess what, after what you just did, I think I’ve had a change of heart.” I stepped closer to him, “I want every moment of your life to be a living hell,” I took a step with each word, but Jacob didn’t back up, he just stood there. “Because Renesme deserves better,” that was enough to make his eyes widen, he took one-step back then caught himself and growled at me, “This is war you’re claiming.” Renesme screamed at his remark
I raised my eyebrows, “Do I not think before I say?”
He looked at me and said, “Your life,” then turned to leave with Renesme in his arms, wailing and kicking, “Don’t worry, Kanie, I won’t let Jake do it, I won’t, I won’t, I won’t!” I heard Jacob growl something under his breath but I didn’t hear what he said because someone place and arm around my face and whipped me around.
Something soft, warm, and wet touched my lips, and I felt my pulse quicken and my insides technically melting.
And it wasn’t Jacob, I was certain it wasn’t Jacob… it was… it was Seth…

He laid me down on the sand and I felt water filling the corset I had tried so hard to keep dry, but it didn’t matter. Nothing mattered because what was happening felt so right.
His hand traveled up my thigh and I felt my breath hitch. I stopped him before he could go any future. We were still too young for this, and I didn’t want to make him regret anything later.
“I’m sorry,” his breath, hot, on my neck made my stomach tie into knots.
My arms went around his neck, “Tell me why this feels right?”
Seth lifted his head and smiled at me, “I’m supposing because it is?” I laughed, “You know, this is m second kiss with another guy and I’ve already gotten down to second base.”
Seth pouted, and for the first time I saw him, bits of him, but at least I still saw him. He lips were thick and sexy, eyes were warm and… familiar.
He interrupt me before I could think of anything else, “Forget about that one with him, and make this…” he bent down to kiss me deeply, “your official second instead.”
I smiled. I could have laid there for eternity and I wouldn’t have wanted to break that moment.
Because I knew I couldn’t control my obsession with Jacob.