Trust Me

GERARD'S POV.

"Gee, can we talk?" came Frank's small voice from the doorway. I wiped a tear from my face and turned around to face him.

"Whats wrong?" he asked, coming over to give me a hug. I didn't deserve a hug from him. I didn't deserve anything from him. I'd been horrible to him about something that wasn't his fault.

"I don't really know Frankie," I cried, sobbing into his shoulder as he tried to soothe me.

"You've been acting really weird lately."

"I know! I just don't know why," I wailed, frustrated with myself.

That's a lie. Of course I know why I've been acting weird recently.

"I don't know how to make this work," I mumbled. He froze, his whole body tensing up.

"You mean us? Do you not want to get married now or something?" He looked me in the eyes, I could see his filling with tears.

"Thats not what I meant at all Frankie, its something else, but you're going to say no and I'm scared."

"You don't know how to make what work?"

I remained silent for a good few moments before I looked into his eyes and answered.

"Everyone has kids now, I want us to have a baby of our own too," I said quietly.

"Gee...I don't think I'm ready for that just yet." He took my hand and gave it a small squeeze. I let out a quiet sob and he pulled me back into his arms.

"I'm only 26, and I want us to be married first, and to live a little, enjoy just being with each other for a while before we start thinking about things like that," he explained. With every word I felt myself get more and more angry.

"But I'm 30. My time is running out to be a youngish father. You know, like how am I going to run around and keep up after a four year old when I'm 50? And then there's the fact that the kids will be younger than we would have wanted them to be when we die, we wont get to spend any time with them."

"Don't be silly, I don't want us to wait that long, another year, tops. Get married next month or something, spend six months or so just enjoying it, then try and sort something out," he said softly. It didn't seem as bad now, but it didn't take away the bitter feeling I had whenever I'd think about Mikey and Alicia or Ray and Bob.

"But things like this can take a long time Frank. We need to find an agency willing to accept two men wanting to have a baby together, then we have to find an egg donor, and a surrogate. All that on its own could take two years, plus another nine months. By then I could be 35 and running out of time."

"What are you talking about? 35 isn't too old to have a child. I think you're just jealous of everyone else."

"Maybe I am," I admitted quietly. "Or maybe its that I love you more than you love me and I feel ready to take this step."

"Right," he said. "Well in that case, I think I'll leave you alone for a bit to think about how much I don't love you."

Before I could get in another word, he was gone from the room. I heard the front door slam downstairs and I was left alone with my thoughts.

Holy shit.

I think I need a drink.

RAYS POV.

The kind nurse, Annie, who I had been talking to in the babies unit a few days ago had offered to bring a wheelchair down for Bob so that he could come and see the baby.

He wriggled and fidgeted in his bed impatiently.

"Bob! For gods sake! She'll be here any minute."

"I know, but I'm excited!"

I smiled and leaned down to gently kiss his forehead underneath his huge wadge of bandages.

"I love you," he said, trying to kiss my cheek but ending up sliming on it instead.

"Sorry!" He blushed furiously.

"That's OK, I love you too, even when you slime on my face," I smiled and wiped my face on the back of my hand. Bob had been given drugs to try and help increase the speed at which the right side of his body would recover. He can wiggle his fingers and toes and blink normally, but his mouth and limbs were taking a little longer.

"I hope you're ready!" came Annie's voice from the doorway. She entered the room pushing a hospital wheelchair in front of her.

"He's ready alright," I laughed.

"Bob, this is Annie, the nurse from the baby unit, and Annie, this is Bob, he's my uh.. partner," I said awkwardly, unsure of how she would react.

"Husband," said Bob, holding out his good hand for her to shake.

"Thats just wonderful," she smiled, shaking his hand. Phew.

It was a bit of a struggle getting Bob into the wheelchair but once he was in we set off right away for the babies unit. I pushed him along and Annie walked along the corridors beside us, chatting away about the progress our little girl was making day by day.

We reached the unit and slowly approached her incubator. There were less wires attached to her this time, and the tube in her nose wasn't there anymore.

"They've taken her off the oxygen, her lungs are much stronger now," she explained.

"Shes so beautiful," sighed Bob. I looked at her. The diaper she was wearing covered almost her entire torso it was so large and her little hat would have fitted on three of my fingers. Her skin was much less purple than the last time I had seen her yesterday. She was looking better with each day.

Her tiny eyes started to open.

"Look! Shes looking at me!" smiled Bob.

Annie carefully picked her up and wrapped her in two blankets so she wouldn't get cold, she handed her carefully to Bob, and I helped him to hold her in his left arm, supporting her tiny head and smiling uncontrollably.

"Hi there sweetie," said Bob softly, looking down at her in his arms.

"She needs a name," I said.

"I know she does," replied Bob. Neither of us said anything, we just stared at her and carefully held her between us.

"She looks like an angel," I smiled.

"There we go, Angel, lets call her Angel," said Bob.

"I like it," I said with yet another smile.

"Me too," he said.

Bob Had to fill in papers regarding Angel so I helped him with that, we were deep in conversation when I heard a familiar voice behind me.

"Hello hello."

"Lauren! How are you?" I asked.

"I'm pretty good, just dropping off some milk for the baby."

"She has a name now, Angel Bryar-Toro."

"Aw, thats sweet."

"So how've you been?" I asked, meaning since losing the other baby immediately after he was born.

"I'm coping. I felt so guilty.. I'm learning to accept there was nothing I could have done."

"Thats good," I felt a lump in my throat. Thinking about the son we had lost made me feel so sad, but I had so much to be happy about at the moment.

"Have you guys thought any more about the funeral?"

"Yeah we have, we need to wait until Bob's capable of going, we've scheduled it to be in about three weeks. We've named him too, so he has a name."

"What did you guys decide on?" she asked.

"Benjamin Adam Bryar-Toro," said Bob quietly. I could see this was upsetting him so I quickly changed the subject.

"So you look like you've lost a lot of the baby weight already," I said, trying to give a compliment.

"Uh... thanks, I guess?" she said, looking slightly offended.

"Ray, you're hopeless," said Bob, shaking his head the best he could.

"Well... I don't know what to say do I?"

"It's alright," laughed Lauren.

Angel gave a small cry and started to wriggle in my arms. Assuming that maybe she was getting cold I carefully placed her back in the incubator and closed the lid.

"Shes beautiful," said Lauren, looking at her.

"Just like her mother!" I said quickly, trying to backtrack from the baby weight comment.

"Ray you suck up!" cried Bob, laughing at me.

"I guess I'll leave you guys to it, I need to drop these off anyway," said Lauren, gesturing to the chill bag she was carrying, full of bottles of breast milk to feed Angel with.

"We'll see you soon," I said, giving her a quick hug goodbye.

Shortly after Lauren had gone home Bob's head started to droop and I could see he was struggling to stay awake.

"Come on, lets take you back to bed," I said, wheeling him from the room and back through the long maze of corridors to his room. By the time we reached his room, Bob was fast asleep in his chair.

I lifted him gently and lay him down on his bed, then tucked him in, careful to make sure that his head was propped up high enough.

"Love you," I whispered, kissing him on the cheek.

I picked up a piece of paper and a pen from his bedside, leaving him a note so he wouldn't panic when he woke up.

Bob, I've gone home for the night, don't worry, I'll be back first thing in the morning. Sleep well, Love Ray xx.

The drive home was pretty uneventful apart from some slightly heavy traffic. I pulled the car into our street and up onto our driveway. The headlights caught on something sat on the front step.

It was Frank.