Painful Lullaby

After I'd calmed down and Eva had fallen asleep, I turned on her computer. I didn't know if I was allowed to use it, but I didn't care anymore. She'd already forced me to kiss her, then slapped me. What else could she do?

I turned on the Internet and typed 'pregnancy by week' in the search engine. I clicked on the first link and looked at all the pictures of the babies developing week by week. I read about the first heartbeat and when I'd start to show. And for some reason, it brought tears to my eyes.

I quickly switched off the computer, not wanting to read anymore. I let one of the tears roll down my cheek before quickly wiping it away. I wouldn't let myself be depressed over my own mistakes.

__________

It was the next day, Eva and I had gone over to Veronica's. It was a girls only party, and I was exhausted. Mrs. Clark made us bike there because she didn't want to waste any gas. I wouldn't tell her that I was pregnant.

Eva had forced her hand into mine, squeezing it hard enough that I couldn't let go. She smiled at me. She truly believed that I loved her back because I'd quit talking about Jag. The only way that I dealt with her kisses was by imagining she was Jag.

Veronica had suggested we go to the park, which we were entering now. I heard someone giggle, it was familiar. I seen Brandy run toward us, then grabbed us all and herded us to the nearest play scape.

"Guess what!" She whispered.

"What?" Zoe asked. Veronica had invited Kori, Zoe, Eva and me.

"I'm pregnant! Jag and I fucked last night so I took a pregnancy test this morning, and I was pregnant!" She squealed. And I thought that I was going to tell them today.

But that fact aside, she'd fucked Jag. My mind couldn't grasp it, I wouldn't believe it was true. But as she described to us, in detail, about each movement, each thought, I could only stare at her in disbelief. She started talking about the part where Jag had pulled off her shirt, and I got up and walked away. Eva followed me. I sat on the swings, Eva sat next to me.

"Listen Roxie, he's not worth your time. I can't believe you still like him!" Eva exclaimed. She snatched my hand in hers.

"Eva..." I whispered.

"Tell me you love me, Roxie," Eva whispered as she leaned close to me.

"I d-don't want to lie," I said, so quiet that I could barely hear myself, but Eva heard it. Her mouth gaped open. And then she slapped me again, again it was hard. I bit my lip, using the pain to keep my tears away.

"I said, tell me you love me," Eva demanded. Her voice managed to sound gentle.

"I love you," I mumbled.

"Good," she smirked, then came forward and kissed me, shoving her tongue into my mouth...Jag wrapped his arms around me, pulling me closer to him. I melted into his kiss, and kissed him back. One of his hands strayed to my leg, then crawled its way slowly up my thigh, making me shiver with anticipation.

Eva pulled away from me and wiped her mouth. I looked away from her automatically and seen Jag, frozen. He looked as though he had been walking toward us. He turned and ran away then, running away from me. Running away from our last chance together.

"Stop staring at him!" Eva hissed, then slapped me, "He's gone, he's fucking other girls. Get over him, you have me now."