Shadows

No words could explain how worried everyone in our house is.
Only two words could explain how Alex is.
Alcohol Poisoning.

Vivian when she arrived home was greeted by me, shaking as I wrote.
Vivian was greeted by Alex’s vomit all over her clean kitchen floor.
Vivian called Alex’s mom, she didn’t answer.
Vivian went over to Alex’s house, no one was home.

My sister, is a nice person, a wonderful person.
She went to the hospital to see if Alex’s mom was there already.
She wasn’t. Alex was alone, half conscious in his hospital bed.
I guess that’s when Alex found out, about his mom. When he woke up, I mean.
Alex’s mom had vanished, took all of the money in their house and left.
Alex’s mom had abandoned him and Viv said he didn’t care.

Legally, Alex can live by himself. He’s eighteen.
Legally, I don’t understand why he took Viv and Dave up on their offer.
Legally, I don’t want him living in the same house as me.

&&

“Don’t you ever like...leave?” Alex’s voice pulls my attention away from my book.

I look at him, keeping my eyes on his neck and not his face as I shake my head ‘no.’

“Why not?”

I shrug my shoulders and return to the text that was previously captivating.

“Aren’t you bored inside all of the time?”

I nod my head ‘yes’ while I read the words but don’t comprehend them. Alex’s questions cease for a minute before he starts up again.

“Why don’t you leave?” Alex asks. This question doesn’t sound rude or prodding like the others. This questions was asked with general curiosity. This question was asked in a kind voice. One Alex has never used with me before.

I let my book rest on my lap while I search for my board.
The board was at my side, on the floor.

‘I’m afraid.’ I scribbled down.

“You’re afraid?” Alex asks, more himself than me. He makes me regret having a conversation with him. Alex howls with laughter. I don’t know why I felt the need to tell that monster anything.

I pick up my board and my book and I storm out of the sunroom.
I don’t stop when I hear Alex yell “Wait!” after me. I keep going.
I go until I have myself locked in my room.
I keep myself locked out of sight for the rest of the night.
I keep myself locked out of sight like I should until Alex leaves.

&&

“Carson, can I come in?” Vivian doesn’t wait for me to open the door. She walks in. I guess she has every right to. This is her house, it’s just my haven. “What’s wrong?” my sister questions me with an eyebrow raised.

I shake my head ‘no.’

“You’ve kept yourself locked in here for two days! Have you even eaten?”

I hadn’t eaten anything, stomach is begging me for food.
The pain of not eating is better than dealing with Alex.

I narrow my eyes at my sister and turn back to my computer.

“What’s wrong?” Vivian repeated.

‘Him.’ I wrote fast.

“What did he do?”

‘I don’t like him. I think he should leave.’

“Stop being so selfish, Carson. Think about how people feel once in a while.” Viv snaps at me, she leaves my room angrily slamming the door loudly as she left.

I am not selfish. I think about other people’s feelings.
I am not selfish. I don’t think monsters have feelings.

I am not selfish.