You're Gonna Love Me

Friends. It was never something I’d had many of… there had only ever really been Mikey, I suppose there had been a few others here and there throughout my school life, but eventually they all disappeared, and he was the only one left. But now… well I assumed that Mikey still classed me as a friend, because I did him, even though we hardly spent any time together, and now I had Gerard. I have to admit, it’s nice, knowing there’s someone there that cares, and that’ll be there for you. Call me cliche if you want but, he’s changed me. I’m handing in homework assignments on time, and getting decent grades, I haven’t fucked around, I’m being nice to people. I don’t think I’ve been arrogant for about two weeks now… and it doesn’t bother me.

The one thing that does bother me is Gerard. He’s a great friend, really he is, and I like having him as a friend. But in all honesty, I’m sick of tip-toeing around him. He’s completely aware of how I feel about him, and I can tell that he feels something too; I just wish he’d give in already! I don’t think I can last much longer. I don’t think he quite realizes that I always get what I want one way or another… and on the off chance I don’t… well let’s just say the result isn’t pretty.

“What are you thinking about?” Gerard’s soft voice asked, I quickly pulled myself from my thoughts and turned my gaze towards him.

“Oh, nothing really… just, stuff.” I replied. He raised his eyebrows.

“Either it’s nothing or it’s… stuff.” He said with a smile, “They’re complete opposites, you can’t be thinking about both.” He added, I rolled my eyes and pushed myself off the bed, crossing the room to stand behind his chair. I wrapped my arms around his neck and leant down.

“Trust me; you wouldn’t want to know what I’m thinking about.” I whispered, he stiffened and I quickly kissed his cheek before standing upright and heading out of his room and up the stairs without another word. I entered the kitchen to find Mikey sat at the kitchen table, a cup of coffee sat in front of him as he flicked through a magazine. I grabbed two cans of diet coke from the fridge and headed back in the direction of Gerard’s room. Only to be stopped at the kitchen door by Mikey calling me back. I turned back towards him and he looked up from his magazine.

“I hope to god you know what you’re doing.” He told me, I frowned, unsure of what he was talking about. “Break his heart and I will kill you.” He assured me; I nodded slowly and turned back out of the room. Clearly I was a lot more obvious than I had realized…. Not that it was a bad thing. If it got me what I wanted, I was all for it.

Gerard was deep in his own little world of art when I re-entered his room. I stood in the doorway, just watching him as he drew; he bit his lip in concentration as his pencil danced delicately across the paper. Gerard drew a lot. And I mean a lot, around eighty percent of his time was taken up by drawing. I couldn’t understand the obsession with it myself, but then again, I’m no artist.

I hadn’t been watching him long when he sensed my gaze, paused and looked over at me. I simply smiled and crossed the room, setting a can down beside him before heading back to my original spot on the bed, and cracking open my own can without a word. He watched as I did so, his brow wrinkling in confusion. I took a deep gulp. The fizz brought tears to my eyes as I swallowed but I quickly blinked them away and set my can down on the floor.

“Gerard, I know I’m gorgeous, but you don’t have to stare.” I told him with a smirk as I lifted my head back up to look at him. He said nothing, but simply turned back to his desk. I sighed. “Gerard, we need to talk.” I told him, he turned back to look at me, but still not a single word escaped his lips. I took his silence as my cue to continue. “Look, having you as a friend means a lot to me, really it does. But I’ve made it ridiculously obvious that I like you, and I know that you like me too. So can you please explain to me, why I am still single?” I asked.

“Frank, we’re not talking about this.”

“Uhm, yes, we are!” I objected, “What do you have against us being together?” I asked.

“Nothing!”

“Well then why can’t we be?”

“Because that’s not me, it’s just not! I’m not gay, Frank. And, okay, maybe I do like you more than I should, but we can never be anything more than just friends. It wouldn’t work out, and I’m not willing jeopardize this friendship. I’m sorry. But we can’t do this. We just can’t.”

“How do you know that? We haven’t even tried!” I argued.

“I don’t want to try, Frank! Okay? I’m sorry, but I just don’t think it would work out between us, and I’m not gonna put a friendship on the line like that, I’m sorry, but I’m just not. I can’t do it.” He told me, I bit my lip. This was not the way I had planned the conversation.

“Right,” I said, “I should probably get going.” I told him as I headed towards the door. “I’ll… see you tomorrow.” I added and left the room, slowly heading up the stairs and towards the front door.

“Frank.” His voice made me pause just as I reached the top step. I turned back to find him stood in the door way to his room. “I’m sorry, but I just can’t…” he told me, I shook my head and headed for the door. No he could’t…. but he was still going to, one way or another.