Silence You Lost Me

I sent my parents a text. I know, I know, I should have done it differently, but that’s whatever. They don’t respect me anymore, so I knew this was the fastest way out. Just text them, continue packing, and we’ll be good.

Brian sat on the bed, helping to fold the clothes I needed and pack them all in the suitcase.

Shirts, skirts, shorts, boots, shoes, pumps, money, hair stuff, panties, tank tops, a hoodie, bras, makeup…the list continued of all the things I crammed in the suitcase and duffel bag.

Brian spoke up when we were close to finished with the packing, “So, good news by the way, on the tour bus there was another part just for use of…well, anyone else. The girls would come back there sometimes, but now it’s only Leana and Lacey. So, the extra beds are for you. They’re bunks though, I know. Bummer, right?”

“Not at all,” I smirked, “I’m just happy to first of all, have a job again, but above that, I’m going to be with Avenged motherfucking Sevenfold!” I jumped around a bit, causing Brian to laugh at me. My parents replied with a ‘we’re coming home NOW.’ “Oh, great. The party bunch is coming back home. Wonderful. How long till we leave?” I sighed, trying to look at the clock but Brian was in my way.

“Cool it, we’re fine sweetie. We have time still.”

“That’s what I was worried about.”

“Aw, come on, they can’t take it so bad.”

I stopped, looking at him, “You haven’t known my parents long enough. They want me to get a job, but they don’t want me to leave. Actually, I take that back. Dad wants me to follow my dreams. Mom, on the other hand, wants me to stick around, have a family with a rich lawyer man, live across the street and allow her to baby sit our kids.”

Brian eyed me, “wow. She has a lot of dreams.”

“Fuck that. I’ve always liked tattooed men better.” I giggled.

“Like me.” He sent me a cheeky grin and followed me down the stairs where there was a knock at the door.

“Mhm, you…or…your band mates.” I opened it, not looking.

“What about us?” Johnny piped in.

I jumped, startled.

“She was just saying how hot we are.” Brian pointed at me. I blushed.

“Oh, I knew you had a thing for me,” Jimmy winked.

Matt stood in the doorway, grinning at me with his dimples showing. So he wasn’t mad that Brian stayed with me after all. Hm, weird.

“Nah, everyone knows it’s Shadows she likes.” Zacky chuckled.

“Yeah, you do remember how loud he was after they fucked, right?” Johnny elbowed me.

I blushed again but Matt saved me, “so where’s your stuff?” I led him upstairs to my bedroom where he stopped. “So, how are you?” he now seemed a bit angry.

“I’m…alright. You?”

He just grunted, ignoring me. What the fuck? I leaned up and kissed him softly on the lips which he returned with no passion. He then sat down on my bed, beside my suitcase. He patted the bed, inviting me to sit which I did. Once there, he leaned in and kissed me softly. I sat on his lap then, dragging my nails on his neck. The kiss was deep, and I couldn’t help but push him back on the bed.

Nearly instantly, he pushed me off, standing and grabbing my suitcase.

“We need to leave.” He snapped at me, leaving the room after grabbing my suitcase.

I remained silent, staring at where he’d just left which Zacky appeared in a minute.

“You alright?” he’d asked. I shook my head which caused fear to cross his features. “What happened?”

I looked up into my old best friend’s eyes, scanning him and wondering if it could be like old times, where I’d cry on his shoulder and let it all out. Before I couldn’t think any more, tears were cascading down my cheeks and my eyes were just barely seeing over Zacky’s shoulder, his arms wrapped around me protectively. That only made me cry harder.

“Zacky…” I sobbed.

“Shhh, it’s okay. Just…let it out right now. We’ll talk later.” He insisted, rubbing my back. I slowly calmed down. “Now, what happened?”

“Well…” I paused, “Can I save most of it for later? You’re gonna get really mad.”

“No. You need to tell me now.” he insisted.

I breathed, “Well, the other night, before you guys stopped by, Frank was here. He…well, he beat me because I had sex on the job.” I took in a shaky breath. Zacky just sat there, staring, “and I thought Jimmy was going to say something cuz he’d seen the bruises or something but he didn’t, but Brian did and I told him everything.” I breathed, “and I wanted him to stay because this morning, Frank said he’d be back. That’s when he fired me, right after he beat the shit out of Brian and I.”

Zacky didn’t say anything for a minute which really got me worried. When you’re nervous, a minute seems a lot longer than it really is. “Alright.”

“Alright?”

“I’m not happy about what happened, but I expected it when you were freaking out about the guy. My first step would be to get you the hell away from Frank, but that’s already happening.” He smiled, “we’re going to keep you safe, Trin.” He placed a hand on my shoulder and I winced from the pain. “What?” it took him a minute, but he soon reached back and lifted up my shirt to see the bruises and cuts. He had the same reaction that Brian had. “Oh, fuck.” He paused, “Does Matt know?”

“No, that’s why I had Brian stay last night, to protect me. It…it pissed Matt off, didn’t it?”

Zacky bit his lip, “I’m not supposed to say anything, but yes. He’s angry. He wouldn’t talk last night, wouldn’t let us put on the TV. Just go right to bed. This morning was even worse, he just snapped at everyone. We were glad he was texting Brian, things could have gotten out of hand.” Guilt plagued over me. So that’s why he was being so angry.

“Come on you two, we need to fucking get going!” Matt called.

“Here, let me take this.” Zacky picked up my duffel bag. “I’m sorry about not listening when we were going to talk it through on the beach that day. I just…I don’t know. A part of me didn’t want to believe you.”

“I’m really sorry about what happened back then, Zee. We were kids, you know? I didn’t know that Toni was…” he nodded.

“It’s alright.”

“Best friends?”

He hugged me tightly, steering away from my bruises, “best friends.” He reassured.

With that, we walked downstairs and to the bus which was parked in the street. My parents stood in the driveway.

“You’re leaving so soon?” dad asked.

“Sorry guys, I was fired from the club this morning, no other place will take me and you wouldn’t want me living under your roof without a job.” I spoke as Matt and Zacky put my stuff on the bus.

Jimmy stood beside me, placing a reassuring hand on my shoulder. I hadn’t even flinched. His touch was so gentle.

“No, no, you can stay.” Mom called.

I giggled with no humor, “No, you’d get mad. You say that now but a few months from now when I don’t have a job, you’ll be bitching at me. Guys, this is the chance of a lifetime! I need to do this. Dad, don’t you understand?”

We looked at him, “yes, honey. Yes, I do.”

“You DO!?” my mom yelled.

“Yes. She wants to do this, just be careful. I know these guys will watch out for you.” I nodded, gazing up at Jimmy who slung his arm around my shoulder, pulling my tightly to him.

“Well we have to go pick up Mila and Adalyn now.” I hugged my parents, telling them I’d be fine, and watched everyone else wave to them before we stepped on the bus.

After a crazy tour with Jimmy, I sat beside him and Zacky as Leana and Lacey slept in their bunks. They hadn’t known I was here yet and I was anticipating their reactions.

I told Johnny where to pull up and we got to Mila’s house. Now, Mila had a nice office job but she gets bored easily so she complained about it. Mila was not the kind of girl to be locked up in an office all day.

“I thought you were lying when you told me about this.” She greeted me, kissing my cheek and holding her suitcase.

“Nope, why would I do that? This is going to be amazing.”

She nodded, following me to the bus, “especially since you’re getting away from Frank.” She stuck her tongue out.

“Don’t I know it…” I muttered.

“Hey!” she greeted everyone on the bus. Zacky took her suitcase to the bunks without waking the two sleeping girls. Now off to get Adalyn.

Once in front of her house, I went to get her, leaving Mila on the bus. I knocked three times then heard a soft ‘come in’ and entered.

She had clothes on the floor of her parent’s living room and a suitcase on the couch.

“Fuck, girl, what are you doing in here?” I laughed.

She sighed, throwing herself on the couch, “I can’t close this.” She muttered.

So I had her sit on the suitcase and I zipped it up that way.

“Ready?”

“As I’ll ever be.” She sighed.

I grabbed the suitcase and held her hand, leading her to the bus.

“Alright guys, you didn’t get a proper introduction that night at the club, so here goes. Everyone, this is Adalyn. Adalyn this is…well, everyone.” Mila came over and hugged her, taking her suitcase in the back and returning soon after.

“We all ready to go?” Matt snapped, followed by a guy with a beard.

“Who the hell is that?” I asked Jimmy, pointing to the man.

He stopped and looked at me, “I’m Fred. I drive usually, unless one of the guys wants to.”

Nodding, I let it be and waited for the bus to pull out. We finally were on our way…

About an hour later, Leana and Lacey were awake. “Who didn’t tell us there were gonna be more girls!?” Leana shrieked.

“Our bad.” Jimmy spoke, holding his hands up.

“Oh my God!!!” Leana hugged me tightly, pulling back and planting a kiss on my lips out of pure excitement.

“Wow, that should happen more often.” Jimmy commented.

“Agreed.” Brian nodded.

“What?” Matt stumbled over, holding onto the wall.

“Leana and Trinity just kissed.” Johnny grinned.

“Really now?” Matt leaned back, watching me.

“You’re creeps.” Mila stuck out her tongue.

“Yeah, now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to see if anyone called my cell.” I tried to push past Matt to get to the bunks. “Matt, please move?”

“Nope.”

“Why not?”

“Because, you need to make out with Leana before I move anywhere.”

Johnny called out, “awww shit.”

I sighed, giggling with Leana, “Ugh, you’re crazy, we’re good.”

“Not so crazy. You made out with that girl at the strip club.” Brian pointed out.

Matt smirked, apparently glad Gates was on his side, “Yeah, that was my job.’

“You didn’t seem too disgusted then.”

“So what if I’m bisexual?” I questioned. “Women’s lips are soft too.”

“Wait, lemme get this right Zacky…” Jimmy spoke, “You were best friend with this fine piece of woman, you didn’t date her, and she’s even a bisexual!?”

“Yep. Pretty much.” He laughed.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Johnny hit him on the head.

“We’re just better friends I guess.”

Adalyn looked at me nervously, shaking her head. “You’re scaring Ad.” I told everyone.

“No need to be scared, babydoll.” Lacey smiled sweetly at her which Adalyn returned.

“Okay…” I tried pushing past Matt. It didn’t work. I tired again. Nothing.

“As I said, I’m not moving until you make out with her.” He smirked.

Yeah, NOW he’s talking to me… “Fine.” I groaned, turning to the grinning Leana and kissing her softly then turning back, “now move.”

“What kind of make out what that!?” Brian called.

Jimmy sighed, “Yeah, really.”

“You guys suck.” With that, I turned to Leana, pulled her close, and pressed my soft lips to hers, tracing my tongue along her bottom lip which she allowed me entrance soon after. Our tongues lapped at each other, hands trailing on each other’s lower back. She squeezed my ass which led me to yelp out and push her back against the wall. I suppose I got a little too carried away and I felt Leana digging her long nails into my arm and moaning into the kiss. I pulled back and we smirked at each other. “Good?” I watched Matt adjust his boner, Jimmy not even bothering to hide his and the others staring in awe. I also noticed that Brian, Johnny, and Zacky were sporting some fine hard-ons as well.

“Niiiice.” Jimmy breathed.

“Holy fucking shit, we got good ones on here.” Brian cheered.

Johnny remained silent, mostly because his girlfriend sat beside us, but what he didn’t realize was that Lacey was smiling at us too.

“Alright, now we’re going back to get my cell phone and do…other things.” I winked at Lee who just giggled.

“Anyone wanna watch?” she joked.

Matt, Jimmy and Brian all ran back to the bunk area. I looked at my cell phone: no missed calls, and walked back to the room. I sat with Mila and Adalyn who just laughed at my antics, used to it by now. The guys sighed in disappointment and went back to what they were doing before.

Brian sat between Adalyn and I, arms over our shoulders, “so, how are you two?”

“Fine.”

“Could be better.” I muttered, staring at Matt who was staring right back.

“Aw, come on, just go lay him and we’ll all be good.” Brian joked. Adalyn didn’t find this too funny so she looked at him.

I sighed, walking over to Zacky who sat with Jimmy, “how are you two?”

“Wonderful after that little show you put on with my girl.” Jimmy chuckled.

“That was pretty hot, Trin. Not gonna lie.” Zacky looked at me.

“Hey.” Someone muttered. I turned to find Matt, “can we talk?”

I nod, unable to think of something to say. Zacky gives me this ‘if something happens, just yell’ look, and I’m off to the bunk area with Matt. He turns to me, sitting down on a bunk.

“What do you need?”

He runs a hand over his face and stares at the ground while speaking, “What the fuck happened last night?” he snapped.

I sighed, “I knew you’d be angry. But Matt, it’s your band mate, don’t you think things are okay between him and you?”

“I don’t want him using you.” he snapped.

“He helped me.”

“What? Helped you reach an orgasm?”

“I can do that by myself, thanks.” I shot back. I noticed the pink color that reached his cheeks. “But no, something happened that he helped me with.”

“What? What was so damn important that he had to stay all night?”

“Oh, are you jealous? Matt, we’re not even together.” He stayed silent, “but no.” and I informed him everything I told Zacky. All about last night and my boss. Everything he needed to know.

His fist clenched and he reached up, punching the top of the bunk. I watched the way his eyes darkened, anger taking hold.

“And you couldn’t tell me this why?” he spoke through gritted teeth.

“Because of how I knew you’d react. Exactly the way you are now.” I retorted.

“Let me see.”

“What?”

“Let me see them.” His voice was lowered. “Please?” I turned, sitting on the floor in front of his legs. He reached down and I flinched, “I’m not going to hurt you.” it wasn’t him, I just don’t like when angry men touch me…his hands softly pulled up my shirt, leaving me in my bra. He slowly unclipped that and trailed his hands down my bruised and beaten back. “Oh, Trinity…” he mumbled.

I didn’t dare look back, I was scared to say the least. I didn’t want to know if he was so angry he sounded sad or if he was sad. Anything would hurt right now. So I just pulled my knees to my chest and sat there.

About ten minutes passed and he sat in front of me, holding my hand.

“I didn’t want to tell you.” I whispered.

He nodded, “it’s alright.”

“I didn’t want to hurt you with Brian being over, but I needed someone. He was the only one who knew.” He nodded softly, wiping one of my stray tears. “Can you tell them?”

“What?”

“Can you tell the others?” I mumbled. “Brian Adalyn and Mila in here. They know. It’s a touchy subject for Adalyn. I don’t want her crying over me.”

“Sure.” With that, Matt leaned in and kissed me with such passion, tears fell from my eyes. “I’ll be back in after. I’ll send those two in now.” he kissed me softly again, “And Trin? Don’t be afraid to tell me. I want to help.”

He left and I clipped my bra back, noticing the small blood stain on the current shirt I had. I threw it in the corner angrily, to find someone walking in the room again.

I faked a smile, thinking it was Adalyn or Mila. When I looked into the beautiful eyes of my best friend, I sighed, the smile faltering at the ends.

“Here, let me get you a shirt,” Zacky reached for one of his, placing it over my shoulders and kissing my temple. “The girls are coming in here, we’re all here for you.”

“I don’t mean to feel self-pity…I just.”

He cut me off, “No. You’re one of the strongest girls I know, always have been. Sometimes you just need to let others take care of you. You have all of us now; we’re a family. We’re not gonna let you fall again.”

He laid me down in my bunk and I heard two pairs of feet enter the room. Before I knew what was happening, Adalyn and Mila were in my bunk with me, cuddling and whispering to me.

“It’s okay sweetie.” Mila spoke.

“You’re strong for me, it’s time for me to be strong for you.” Adalyn whispered.

Zacky sat on the couch opposite us and I could faintly hear Matt telling everyone else what happened, “that fucking asshole beat her. Brian knows all about it, so do Mila and Ad, and so does Zacky. She wants me to let you know that if she has some kind of trust issues, that’s why…” Matt told them something I hadn’t said, I think he just knew.

No, Matt, the trust factor wasn’t Frank. I never trusted him…

The trust was let down by someone else…

Someone who caused the scar on my arm…the one that goes horizontally two and a half inches and half an inch wide…

The one whom made me feel like I was some whore every day. The one who made me realize that maybe being a stripper wasn’t so bad after all, it was a step up from prostitute after all. He’d been the one who’d made me lose the most important person in my life: my best friend…

And he was the one who haunted my dreams at night, the one whom I’d likely be dreaming of tonight because I was, yet again, thinking about him.

The one who I can still picture the last time I saw him…eyes wide in fear, glazed over, body growing cold and inert.

The one whom I’d blamed someone else for. The one who could put me in jail…if only they’d know the truth.

Then again, no one does…not even this part of me.

And as I closed my eyes, feeling the warmth of my closest girls, I wondered if I deserved this second chance. If these new people would turn my world upside down. I wondered if I could ever forget…

But the thing about remembering is…you don’t forget.