You Don't Know A Thing About My Sins

I sat silently for a while next to Gerard's bed, trying to take everything in. My hands were wrapped around his and I hoped with all my heart that he'd have some sort of responce or reaction. That he'd feel the warmth of my skin against his and wake up with a smile and telling me about a dream he had that he was in a coma, then realising it was real and just laughing about it.

That's what my Gerard is like.

I sighed and loosened my grip on his hand a little.

"I'm so sorry Gerard...this is my fault." I started to mutter, I was hoping that in his unconciousness that he could still hear me, "...if I'd have told you that I'd broken up with Alicia and that we could be together, you woudn't be in this coma...you'd probably even be out of the asylum, just enjoying life, me, you and the guys...all together." I finished, tears slowly welling up in my eyes.

I stared at his resting body for a little while longer, just wanting anything to happen. His eyes to flutter, his hand twitch, his heart speed up.

Anything.

Finally realising that nothing of the sort was going to happen, I let go of his hand, stood up and hovered over him. I brought my face down to his, my lips next to his ear.

"I love you Gerard..." I whispered and softly kissed his cold cheek.

I walked out of the room and down to the payphone in the hallway, I needed to let the rest of the guys know about this. I felt a little guilty that I'd actually left it for some time...but I'm sure they'd understand. I picked up the reciever, put the money in and suprisingly the first number I dialled was Alicia's.

"Hello?" came her sweet voice from the other end of the phone.

"Hey Alicia, it's Mikey." I replied.

"Oh hi, what's wrong Mikey? You sound like you've been crying..." she asked, sounding a little worried.

"I have been, it's Gerard...he's back at the hospital. He's...he's in a coma!" I told her, my voice crackling up at the end of the sentance. Just the very words escaping my lips made me want to break down in tears.

"What!? Are you serious! What happened?" she exclaimed down the phone, her voice shaking.

"I'm not sure, the doctor said there was some sort of swelling on his brain...he just slipped into a coma in his sleep." I told her.

"Mikey, I'm so sorry! I'll call Elle and I'll be right there!" she said, desperation in her voice.

"I'll let the rest of the guys know."

"Okay, see you soon." and with that, she hung up.

*****

We were all in the room sat around Gerard. When I'd called the guys, Frank had burst into tears and they said they'd get here as soon as they could. Alicia was sat next to me, her face buried into my chest, crying her eyes out. Elle was sat next to Gerard with Ray by her side, trying to comfort her and Frank and Bob were both hugging eachother, sobbing onto eachother's shoulders.

Weirdly enough, I wasn't actually crying. I'd shed all my tears when I was alone with Gerard and I just wanted to try and stay strong for everyone else. The doctor had informed us earlier that the coma wasn't too bad, it was just a light one so he should wake up within a few days. The only problem was that he might not remember most things he'd told me earlier.

Whatever happens, I just want him to wake up. I want to hold him and comfort him and tell him that I love him so very much.