Im Not Insane

Chapter 6

(Raylie PoV)

I darted into the nearest bathroom to spill my guts… for the third time this morning. I felt hot and my forehead glistened with sweat. I felt sick and groggy. My memory rushed back and hit me like a freight train.

I remembered the flames, the ashes the screams the knives. I remembered Vengeance’s lust for bloodshed and his wild eyes illuminated by the fire.

The pain I felt was in no comparison to the physical beat down. I felt a wave of heavy depression wash over me and I lost my train of sane thought. I saw a object in the bathroom glint at me. I picked up the razor and stared at it, The sharp intimidating edge just waiting to break flesh.

My hand began trembling as I brought it to my arm. I pressed the sharp edge against my skin and watched as it ripped through. I swiped it horizontally like a credit card leaving a clean cut. I hissed in pain, but it began to feel good as I felt the skin tear in half and the warm blood seeping out.

I brought the razor back up to my arm and slashed it across once more as my face contorted my face and then smiled widely. I sensed a presence in the door, and I slashed my arm once more, growling with a sick smirk. As I re opened my eyes, I saw Brian in the door way looking at me with a mix of emotions. Sadness, anger,regret.

I looked from him to my arm and looked at the three horizontal lines oozing blood. I felt guilt crash over me and I began to cry into my bloody hands. I was just as messed up inside as they were.

“Raylie what the hell?!” He asked coming over to me. I swatted him away and swung my
arms at him trying to get him away from me.

“Get away from me!” I screamed, backing up from him against the shower door.

“Ray-” He began bfore I cut him off.

“Your all going to make me suffer. Don’t play your games with me Brian.” I growled feeling completely insane inside.

“Im just trying to say-”

“No! You don’t care! You wouldn’t care even if Vengeance let you!” I screamed, crying hard.

“But I do care.” He pleaded. HE was really beginning to piss me off. He’s acting as if he didn’t kill anyone.

“If you fucking care, why did you kill him!?” I screamed causing silence. My arm began to sting but I just wanted another cut. Brian’s face grw rigid and his eyes turned to midnight.

“Don’t fucking yell at me bitch!!” He growled stepping closer. I’d never seen him like this.

“Brian!!” I yelled back. My own eyes clouding with rage and frustration. It seemed like I couldn’t control myself lately.

“Im not fucking Brian.” He seethed, his facial features shadowing.
My mind raced, scanning my memory.

Syn put her out…

“Syn…” I whispered out, looking into his dark eyes. He smirked, inching up closer to me before he stopped and clenched his eyes shut and ran his hand over his face. He opened them to stare at me with his normal chocolate eyes.

“Im so sorry i-”

“Your just like Vengeance.” I breathed out. He looked at me with defat and solemnly nodded.

“Brian...get out.” I spat. I didn’t need more assholes telling me what I could or couldn’t do.
He turned on his heel and exited the bathroom but not before looking back at me while I glared at him with hate. I let tears of frustration fall.

First they are normal, then they turn on me. Why did I even begin to trust them. I cant live like this. I cant depend on what holds my life in their hands. But yet im still alive…
I
clenched my hand into a loose fist and I still realized that I held the razor. I fumbled with it before I held it im place over my am. I swiped it across and let the thoughts run out of my mind, like the blood down my arm.

****

I saw a head poke through my door. I was ready ti throw a bitch fit but I paused when I saw Vailen’s colorful hair. I had to say I missed what I’d known of Vailen, but I was even scared to trust her.

“Hi hun.” She said smiling weakly

“Vailen.” I addressed her solemnly.

“Look about yesterday, I never left you. Shadows dragged me out and he was pissed. Hes the only one I answer to and Vengeance knows that.” She said sitting at the foot of my bed.

“Vail, I know you are sorry but I don-” I said before getting the familiar feeling in my stomach. I rushed up and into the bathroom, heaving into the porcelain bowl.

“Babe are you okay?!” She asked concerned. Holding up my hair for me. I stopped heaving and I rinsed my mouth in the sink.

“Babe?” I croaked looking at her with a tiny smile. She grinned brightly at me, pushing my shoulder. She exited the bathroom and I brushed my teeth. I came out and she shoved a bock into my hands.
I looked down at the ClearBlue test in my hands.

“Vailen…what the hell?” I asked with a slight disbelieving laugh.

“You keep puking and its worrying me. It wouldn’t hurt!” She countered

“Vailen im just sick! Its gonna pass, it doesn’t mean im pregnant. And when the hell did you buy this crap?!”

“Today when you wouldn’t stop puking this morning.” She said pushing me towards the bathroom.

“Now shut the fuck up and go piss on the goddamn stick!”

***

I laid the test down on the counter as Vailen paced around with me. I didn’t want to have his asshole’s spawn of hell. Vailen brought me the test after what seemed like forever. I looked down to find a little plus sign on the tiny screen. My body heated up and my vision blurred as I burned with rage.

“Ray…” She said in a warning tone. But I gripped the test tightly and stormed out of the room. I stopped at Vengeance’s door and I kicked it open.

“VENGEANCE!” I yelled loudly. He got up from bed storming over at me with an enraged expression.

“What the fuck?! Who fucking told you to come here. He grabbed my hair tightly and brought his face close to mine, our noses touching. But he pulled back on my hairsharply before seething in my face.

“You don’t fucking come in here unless I tell you to. You don’t fucking yell at me you insignificant bitch.” He said deathly calm, his eyes burning mine down.

“Well I can yell at you when your dumbass got me fucking pregnant!!!” I yelled in his face, pulling out of his grip.

“You fucking slut!” He screamed. I couldn’t believe it. This asshole really blamed me!!

“You rape me fucking twice and I’m the slut?” I screamed louder. My rage burning hotter.
He looked at me like he was about to strike me. I almost shrunk back, almost. His face turned rigid, and his teeth clenched together, and his eyes turned deep emerald. His nostrils flared a tiny bit and I could feel his anger radiating of of him.

My anger dissipated and I was scared. Actually scared of what Vengeance would do. I need to get out.
I kept the glare on my face for arguments sake and turned on my heel, walking quickly out of the room breaking out into a run. I bumped into Vailen on the way to my room.

“Whoa dude what happned?!” she said grabbing my shoulders while I tried to get away after hearing the door swing open.

“Vengeance!” was all I choked out before she ran past me. I started down the hall holding my stomach. I heard a thud and Vengeance’s screams. Rev Came out of his room with a pissed and tired expression. I don’t care if I woke him up!

“What the hell?!” he yelled.

“Fuck off! I yelled growing out of breath. I lost my footing through my tiredness and fell to the floor. I twisted so I fell on my ass and Vengeance walked up to me looking unphazed from the run.

I curled up into a ball and waited for Vengeance to finally hit me, but instead he grabbed my arm and pulled me up gently.

I looked into his eyes and they were clear pools of green.

What the hell?!”

“Are you okay?” He asked, his voice sounding smooth and light.

“Um Yeah.” I said involuntarily putting my hand over my stomach. I was taken aback at his sudden change of attitude.

its all a game

The voice in my head reminded me.

His eyes held hurt and sadness as he looked at where I had placed my hand.

“Im sorry…” He said sincerely looking into my eyes. I felt like he was trying to melt me, he honestly looked like he would cry. Rev looked shocked yet happy.

“Bro?” he asked Vengeance and he nodded. Rev held a knowing and proud smile before disappearing abckinto his room.

“Raylie.” He said with the light dancing in his eyes and he grabbed my hand. He smiled at me, it was cute and boyish but I could sense a hint of seduction in his calm and vibrant face.
His grip suddenly tightened, to the point of pain and I looked at him in fear and confusion.

“Let go!” I begen to panic and I could see one eye was dark green and the other was still light but the deeper color began slowly swirling in.

“Run!” HE yelled at me, releasing my hand. His voice echoed like he was fading away. It was replaced by the harsh tone I had grown to hate. I sprinted down the hallway into my room and closed the dor behind me, turning the lock. I pressed my back up against the door and slid to the floor trying to control my breathing.

Someone fumbled with the door and then knocked sharply.

“Raylie open the door.” The voice yelled, but not in a commanding tone, My heartrate increased and I began to whimper. It felt like a panic attack but I knew the voice wasn’t Vengeance so I was able to somewhat control myself. I reached up to the door handle, using it to help me stand up.

I turned the lock an opened the door revealing Rev. He wasn’t giving me his normal death glares.

“R-rev?” I croaked wiping away my tears that had fallen. He gave me a smile before pulling my into a hug. I was taken off guard. My body froze as I tried to find a contradictory but before he pulled away I gently put my arms around his bent down body.

“I-I don’t understand…” I sputtered still completely puzzled. He looked down at me warmly.

“You brought Zacky back.” He said smiling even harder. If you looked past his hard exterior and tattoos, he looked like a giant child when he smiled.

“Zacky?”

So maybe this Zack character is real…

“Zack was one of my best friends for a long time. But I haven’t seen him since Vengeance began taking over. I had to suck it up and realize that no matter what I did he couldn’t come back. So I just became as cold as him, and I blocked everything out. I figured if he couldnt be brought back then I shouldn’t change either. But ever since you came, a lot has been different. If you are the reason Zack is trying again you must me damn special.” He explained.

“Wow, I never saw it that way.” I said looking at my hands.

“Ray im sorry if I hurt you, but I need your help.” He said genuinely. I scanned over his features trying to detect a lie. I couldn’t find one.

“O-okay.” I answered and he flashed me another quick smile. He turned for the door and I watched as he left.

“Bye Raylie.” He said

“Bye Rev.” I whispered.

“Call me Jimmy.” He said before he shut the door.

“Jimmy…” I repeated