We've Learned to Run from Anything Uncomfortable

Wednesday, June 8th

I sat on my couch in the basement, amidst candy bar wrappers and three soda cans, I burped loudly, rubbing my eyes as I rolled over and looked at the clock. It was about eight o’clock at night, which meant I had slept for a good four hours after school today.

Great, sleeping tonight is going to be wonderful.

I was over at Sam’s last night until about midnight when Lynn finally called me. I had honestly lost track of time. We ate dinner and sat around watching movies for the majority of the night. Sam and I shared a little bit of time together, and she proved to me that she’s an amazing kisser.

Anyways, dinner was great with Marilyn and Marsha. I’m so happy for Sam. She deserves a nice home after all the bullshit she’s been put through. It’s ridiculous all the things she’s had to go through.

I also discovered yesterday that Sam’s ‘joke’ wasn’t exactly a joke. She really did kill Lucy’s son. Driving home drunk from some party, she hit him when he was standing on the street corner. Just smashed right into him and killed him. He was DOA.

I can’t say I don’t blame Sam for what she did, it was messed up, but she’s had to deal with the guilt of doing it for the past three or four years, and to me, that’s payment enough.

It took me all of last night to realize how fragile Sam really is. She’s extremely insecure about herself. I can see it in the way she covers her mouth after she laughs, when she catches me staring at her, her eyes flutter shut and she brings her hands up to cover her face. When she’s sitting down, she pulls at the stomach of her shirt, making sure it looks too big for her.

When she was setting the table, she kept rearranging the plates, making sure they were perfectly aligned, all the while biting her lip. Even when she walks, she’s sure not to move too fast or too slow, so her hips aren’t swaying over dramatically.

She continuously let her hair hang in her face, covering any hint of emotion I might have been able catch. Even when she kissed me, she kept pulling away and looking down, mumbling things I couldn’t quite hear and examining her unpolished fingernails.

Every time someone compliments her, she retaliates, insulting herself twice as harsh. In example, I told her last night that her hair looked nice and she in turn tells me that it’s too long and it frames her face funny, making her look like she’s got a giant head. Or some bullshit like that.

I also have this feeling in the pit of my stomach that Sam has been insecure for a long enough time that it’s not going to be easy trying to break her bad habits.

“Olleh, yer mum’s on the phone.” Lynn mumbled, tossing me the phone.

I looked up at her, a smirk placed upon my face, expecting her to laugh back, signaling that it was in all actuality Tom. But, when I saw her face, she had red, watery eyes, a sad frown set upon it and a sniffle to her voice. She quickly turned her back to me and left the room, making small noises as I heard her going up the stairs.

I looked down at the phone, the buttons glowing a soft green. I reached across the couch to pick up the phone and let out a long breath before wrapping my long fingers around the phone and bringing it up to my ear.

Usually, if this really was my mum, I’d be excited to talk to her and a grin plastered on my face, eager to be of her acceptance again.

Although, the fact that Lynn’s face wasn’t decorated by a happy emotion scared me and had me yearning to know what my mum wanted, half of me already knowing what it was and dreading answering the phone.

So, I quickly placed my ear against the phone and croaked into it, “’Ey mum.”

"Oi, Olleh dear. ’Ts nice teh speak teh yeh."

"Yeah, 'ow're yeh?" I mumbled.

My mum was in an exceptionally good mood towards me, and it made me incredible uneasy. But, I hadn't talked to her for quite a while and I wasn't about to complain about her good mood.

"'M alright. Jus' workin' on gettin' the 'ouse ready fer summer."

I laughed quietly. My mum decorated for every single season. In Winter, our house was covered in snow men and Christmas lights, Fall and our house reeked of cinnamon and spice and was practically devoured by orange leaves. And so on, I can only imagine what it's going to look like for Summer this year.

"Oh yeah? 'Ow's that goin'?"

"Oi, yeh know. Usually yer here, helpin' meh hang everythin' up, but since yer gone, I've been gettin' Tommeh teh do it. 'E's not as tall as yeh though. So, I've been callin' up Matty over 'ere."

"'E's a good guy." I sighed, pulling at a piece of my hair and examining the end of it.

"Olleh dear. I want yeh 'ome."

My breath caught quickly and I almost laughed upon hearing my mum say that. She practically threw me out the door; which come to think of it, I'd be living under a bridge if it weren't for Lynn, she doesn't talk to me for a good month and a half and expects me to come home?

"What are yeh? Off yer trolley? I ain't comin' 'ome!" I yelled loudly, jumping off my spot on the couch.

No sooner had the words left my mouth than I realized what exactly I was saying. I had wanted to go home ever since I walked out my front door.

"Yer gonna do what ever I tell yeh. And if that means that yeh have teh get yer happy ass on a plane, then that's what yeh're gonna do!" My mom said, raising her voice significantly, practically spitting onto the phone.

"Get on yer bike!" I mumbled.

"Wha' did yeh just say?"

"Nothin' mum." I said quickly, pulling at the roots of my hair and clasping my eyes shut tightly, trying to keep the tears from surfacing.

"Oliver Scott Sykes, yeh don't talk teh meh like tha'."

"'Ow do yeh expect meh teh talk to yeh, mum? Yeh chuck meh outta the 'ouse, jus' 'cause I messed up. Do yeh not realize Tom was there too? 'E was just as loaded as I was! The only difference between us is 'e hold his alcohol better than I!"

"Olleh. I need yeh 'ome, alrigh'? 'Ts not a matter of the alcohol and ruinin' the 'ouse. We miss yeh, Tommeh needs yeh 'ere. 'E's startin' secondary and 'e needs yeh. Yer friends are askin' about yeh all the time." My mum said, a sad tone taking over her voice, "I'm sorreh fer kickin' yeh out Olleh love, but that's the only thing I could think of."

I scoffed lightly, "Yeh couldn' give meh another chance? I pissed aroun' one time and yeh just kick meh out fer good?"

"It wasn' fer good and yeh know tha'."

"No mum." I sighed, "I didn' know tha'."

"Well, maybe I should've told yeh. But does that really matter? We jus' want yeh home Olleh. The States can't be better than yer family and friends."

I sighed over dramatically, almost growling, "Mum."

"Wha'?" She snapped.

"I met this girl 'ere. An' I don' wanna jus' leave 'er. I can't leave 'er."

She laughed loudly, almost cackling, "Don't yeh try foolin' me Doll. Everyone across Sheffield knows yeh can't 'ang onto a relationship! ‘M yer mother an‘ I know tha’."

"Mum, people change."

"That they do. That's why yer comin' 'ome."

"‘M not comin' 'ome." I mumbled.

"Oi mum!" I heard Tom yell, "Lemme talk teh 'im!"

There was shuffling around and I heard Tom's heavy breathing accompany the speaker to the phone as he eagerly yelled into it, "Olleh! Aren' yeh excited 'bout comin' 'ome?!"

I imagined the smile stretched across Tommy's face, excited I was finally coming home and I almost laughed.

"Yeah Tommeh. I am."

"Yeh don' sound excited.."

"I am. I jus' I dunno wha' 'm supposed to do 'bout Sam."

"Olleh." Tom muttered, "She's jus' one bird. It ain't gonna matter."

"Yeh wanna know somethin' Tom? It matters teh meh, alrigh'? This bird's important teh meh, and I don' wanna mess it up this time."

"Blimey Oliver." Tom sighed, "Since when do yeh give a shit?"

"Since I met Sam and I realized 'ow much it hurts people when yeh leave 'em behind." I mumbled irritably and hit the off button to Lynn's phone, letting it fall from my hand and hit the ground with a loud thud.

I sat down on the couch and rested my head in my hands as my eyes over ruled me and started pouring tears. I heaved in loudly, feeling my chest cave in. I clenched handfuls of hair in between my fingers and gripped it roughly.

A soft hand rested itself on my shoulder and I felt the couch lean towards one side as someone sat down next to me.

I looked up at the face of my Aunt Lynn, no longer holding her tears back. She wrapped her arms around me and rocked me softly.

"I can't leave 'ere Lynn. I jus' can't."