These Walls I've Built Around Myself

I descended the stairs slowly, hoping to prolong my personal hell as long as possible. I despised that man I was about to see sitting in my dinning room, stuffing his million dollar face with food. I hated his superior attitude towards others and I hated that he wanted me. I wasn’t sure exactly why he wanted me, but I know he doesn’t really want me. Sure he said he loved me, but I knew that was a lie.

I descended the last step and I cringed. I could hear his loud booming laughter in the other room.

“Yes, yes, Mr. Ashby. She will most definitely make a lovely bride. I will make sure to make her very happy.” he said in his deep voice.

“I am glad to hear that.” my father replied. “I am confident you two will be very happy together.”

"Heh, yeah right," I muttered under my breath as I walked into the room.

Mr. Berkeley looked up at me and smiled. “There’s my lovely bride!” He raised his arms in the air to seem welcoming, but for some reason I knew he was probably faking his extreme happiness to see me.

“Hello there, Lucy,” he said with a mocking smile. “Why don’t you come sit beside me, hmm?” He patted the seat beside him and I regretfully obliged.

“It was nice of you to join us, sometime tonight,” my mother said rudely, sipping her champagne. I ignored her remark and placed my napkin in my lap, “like a lady” as my mother put it.

“Sorry to keep you waiting. I just wanted to make sure I looked my best for Mr. Berkeley,” I lied through my teeth, not even bothering to look at him.

“That’s quite alright my lovely Lucy.” he said, placing an arm around my shoulders. I resisted the urge to shrug it off, because I knew my parents wouldn’t approve of my “rudeness.” Mr. Berkeley sipped the last of his champagne and raised it slightly in the air. “MAID!” His cheerful tone was instantly replaced by a mean, sour tone of voice.

Alice instantly ran to his side. He looked down his nose at her. “Y-Yes?” she choked out.

“Refill my glass!”

Alice hesitated for a second and Mr. Berkeley looked angry.

“What are you waiting for you wench?! Refill it this instant, damn it!” he yelled at her.

“Yes, sir.” she whispered and poured him more beverage. I looked at her sadly as she returned to her spot in the corner of the room. Damn that man!

“So,” Mr. Berkeley continued. “I was wondering if you would let my Lucy come stay with me before the wedding. I just bought a very expensive house for us. It is still under construction, but it is mostly done. Just a few rooms left, but they should be done by the wedding. I want my Lucy to start getting comfortable with the house, before the wedding.” He smiled at my parents.

“That’s a wonderful idea!” my mother proclaimed.

“Yes, quite a good idea I must say,” my father agreed.

“Then it is settled! My lovely Lucy will come stay with me as of tonight. He smiled brightly. I instantly felt sick, like I would vomit. I hated the way he said “My Lucy.” I hated the way he looked at me and I hated the idea of living with him before the wedding. I just wanted to get away from him and never see him again. I never wanted him to touch me. I never wanted anything to do with him.

Mr. Berkeley looked at me and smiled. He tightened his grip on my shoulders, just as he was tightening his control on me. He was already so envolved in my life that it was devastating, but now…I had no clue how I would feel. I was now completely dead inside.

My parents began laughing with that man and spoke of how great our match was. It was too much for me to handle. I needed an escape and I needed it now!

“Would you please excuse me?” I said and got up before anyone could say anything and left the room. I ran out the front door, not bothering to grab my coat, running out into the snow in my light dress and shoes. I didn’t think about what I was running away from or who. I needed to get as far away as possible. I didn’t know where I was going to end up, but I didn’t care. I just ran until I couldn’t run anymore.