Confessions of a Hollywood Celebrity

Two weeks later, I sat on a couch in the studio listening to the song "Piece of Me" by my friend, pop star Britney Spears, also sitting next to me and smiling the whole time. I knew how Britney felt having to deal with the pressures of fame, especially the paparazzi. And that was the story behind the song "Piece of Me".

"I’m Miss American Dream since I was 17
Don’t matter if I step on the scene
Or sneak away to the Philippines
They're still gonna put pictures of my derrière in the magazine
You want a piece of me?
You want a piece of me…

I’m Miss bad media karma
Another day, another drama
Guess I can’t see the harm
In working and being a mama
And with a kid on my arm
I’m still an exceptional earner
you want a piece of me?

I’m Mrs. 'Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous'
(You want a piece of me)
I’m Mrs. 'Oh my God that Britney’s Shameless'
(You want a piece of me)
I’m Mrs. 'Extra! Extra! This just in'
(You want a piece of me)
I’m Mrs. 'She’s too big now she’s too thin'
(You want a piece of me)

I’m Mrs. ‘You want a piece of me?’
Tryin’ and pissin’ me off
Well get in line with the paparazzi
Who’s flippin’ me off
Hopin’ I’ll resort to some havoc
End up settlin’ in court
Now are you sure you want a piece of me?
You want a piece of me…

I’m Mrs. ‘Most likely to get on the TV for strippin' on the streets’
When getting the groceries, no, for real..
Are you kidding me?
No wonder there's panic in the industry
I mean, please, do you want a piece of me?

I’m Mrs. 'Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous'
(you want a piece of me)
I’m Mrs. 'Oh my God that Britney’s Shameless'
(You want a piece of me)
I’m Mrs. 'Extra! Extra! this just in'
(You want a piece of me)
I’m Mrs. 'She’s too big now she’s too thin'
(You want a piece of me)

I’m Miss American Dream since I was 17
Don’t matter if I step on the scene
Or sneak away to the Philippines
They still gonna put pictures of my derrière in the magazine
You want a piece of me?
You want a piece.. piece of me…

You want a piece of me?

I’m Mrs. 'Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous'
(You want a piece of me)
I’m Mrs. 'Oh my God that Britney’s Shameless'
(You want a piece of me)
I’m Mrs. 'Extra! Extra! this just in'
(You want a piece of me)
I’m Mrs. 'She’s too big now she’s too thin'
(You want a piece of me)

I’m Mrs. 'Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous'
(You want a piece of me)
I’m Mrs. 'Oh my God that Britney’s Shameless'
(You want a piece of me)
I’m Mrs. 'Extra! Extra! this just in'
(You want a piece of me)
I’m Mrs. 'She’s too big now she’s too thin'
(You want a piece of me)

You want a piece of me
You want a piece of me"

Then I began applauding, grinning all the while; that song was, in my opinion, fantastic - one of Britney's best pieces of work yet.

"That was fantastic, Britney," I said, my amber orbs shining as I smiled.

Britney returned it.

"Glad you like it, Jade. Shall we go to a club or something, maybe relax a bit?"

I nodded. "That sounds good!"

*************

"This is kind of cool," I remarked an hour later in a soundproof room as I sat on the couch sipping some Coca-Cola. It tasted pretty good - the best soda I'd ever tasted.

Then Robert James Ritchie (aka Kid Rock) appeared.



"Hey, Jade, how's it going?" he asked.

I replied,
"I'm doing great. How about you?"

"I recorded the song All Summer Long," he said. "It sounds really cool."

"I agree. It does," I nodded.

Kid Rock agreed.

Then All Summer Long began to play...

"It was 1989, my thoughts were short my hair was long
Caught somewhere between a boy and man
She was seventeen and she was far from in-between
It was summertime in Northern Michigan
Ahh Ahh Ahh
Ahh Ahh Ahh

Splashing through the sand bar
Talking by the campfire
It's the simple things in life, like when and where
We didn't have no Internet
But man I never will forget
The way the moonlight shined upon her hair

(Chorus)
And we were trying different things
We were smoking funny things
Making love out by the lake to our favorite song
Sipping whiskey out the bottle, not thinking 'bout tomorrow
Singing Sweet home Alabama all summer long
Singing Sweet home Alabama all summer long

Catching Walleye from the dock
Watching the waves roll off the rocks
She'll forever hold a spot inside my soul
We'd blister in the sun
We couldn't wait for night to come
To hit that sand and play some rock and roll

While we were trying different things
And we were smoking funny things
Making love out by the lake to our favorite song
Sipping whiskey out the bottle, not thinking 'bout tomorrow
Singing Sweet Home Alabama all summer long
Singing Sweet Home Alabama all summer long

Now nothing seems as strange as when the leaves began to change
Or how we thought those days would never end
Sometimes I'll hear that song and I'll start to sing along
And think, "Man, I'd love to see that girl again"

We were trying different things
We were smoking funny things
Making love out by the lake to our favorite song
Sipping whiskey out the bottle, not thinking 'bout tomorrow
Singing Sweet home Alabama all summer long
Singing Sweet home Alabama all summer long

We were trying different things
We were smoking funny things
Making love out by the lake to our favorite song
Sipping whiskey out the bottle, not thinking 'bout tomorrow
Singing Sweet home Alabama all summer long
Singing Sweet home Alabama all summer long

Singing Sweet Home Alabama all summer long
Singing Sweet Home Alabama all summer long
Singing Sweet Home Alabama all summer long
Singing Sweet Home Alabama all summer long"

"Cool!" I said when the song ended. "I love it."

Kid Rock nodded.
"Glad you like it," he replied.

"And, so would your friend Joe C," I said.

Kid Rock agreed as he bowed his head, memories of his friend Joe C, who had died in his sleep on November 16, 2000, running through his head; Joe was 26 years old.

"You're right. He would."

We chatted for a few more minutes. Then, after Kid Rock left, Michael Jackson and Jack Nicholson showed up.

"Hey there, kid," said Jack, smiling while clapping me on the shoulder, "what's new?"

"Oh, the usual," I said. "Paparazzi following me, getting pictures of me in People magazine, and all that stuff.

"Luckily, you guys are here to help me deal with all the pressure that comes with fame and stardom," I finished, smiling.

"People will believe the worst about you," said Michael, his brown orbs shining with seriousness, "if they have a sick mind, and believe the trash they read in newspapers."

"Yeah," I agreed. "After all, you guys have become experts at dealing with the press."

The King of Pop (as I had often heard him being called) smiled. "You're right. We are."

Then he lifted the back of my hand to his mouth and kissed it. He sure knew how to portray the part of the gentleman of old times, that was for sure.