That Should Be Me

It was the day before my so called wedding. I found it hard to breathe, I was utterly confused. Why was I even doing this? I stared at myself in the mirror, tears ran slowly down my cheeks. Nick was the love of my life, he was always there for me, no matter what. Why was I jumping in this with Joseph Adam Jonas?

I stood up. I need to talk to him.

I grabbed my phone and dialed his number. ‘Hey, this is Nick, leave a message.’ Damn, I thought.

“Hey Nick, it’s me, I think we should really talk. Actually, I really need to talk to you as soon as possible. Um, call me back?” I said and I hung up.

It was upsetting that I was just realizing something so important, this late. I mean I’ve realized that I loved Nick from the very moment I laid eyes on him, but now I was just realizing I want to spend the rest of my life with him; I want him to be the father of my children, all I was hoping was that it wasn’t too late.

My phone rang, and my heart skipped a beat. I looked at the caller I.D ‘Joe’ it said. I sighed and answered the phone.

“Hey baby.” His soft voice said.

“Hi Joe” I said back

“So I know I’ve been really, really busy lately, but I wanted to see if tonight you’d want to go out before we officially married…” he said with a really happy voice.

I sighed, “Joe I’m really busy you know, with trying to get everything together, I’ve barely slept at all… I’d really love to, but I’m just not really in the mood for it now.” I said with an apologetic tone.

“Oh…” he said “I guess I will see you at home later.” He said, and he hung up the phone.

I laid on my bed; I was almost falling asleep when my phone rang. I answered without looking at the caller id, assuming it was Joe again. “Joe, I’m sorry, I haven’t changed my mind about tonight” I said softly.

“It’s Nick” his soft, sweet voice said. I quickly sat up.

“Oh, Hi Nick” I said with a smile.

“You needed to talk to me?” he asked

“Yeah, do you think I could come see you? I think this would be better in person” I said. He stayed quite for a minute.

“Come over.” He said and he hung up the phone. I pulled on my sweatshirt and boots and left the house, getting in to my car to head to Nick’s house.

It only took less than a half an hour to reach Nick’s house. I got out of my car, and rang his doorbell. He answered it, his hair was a little messy, and he was in his pajamas. “Come in” He said opening his door wider. I walked in and he shut the door behind me.

“So, what’d you need to talk to me about?” he asked as he sat on his couch and focused his eyes on the television set in front of him. I sat down beside him.

“You were right” I said.

He looked at me for a brief second, and turned his head back to the T.V. “About what?” he asked without even glancing at me.

“Everything” I said softly. He paused for a second, and shut of the T.V. and turned his body towards me. “What are you here for?” He asked in a crude voice.

“I’m so oblivious and stupid and so in love with you.” I said in a somewhat quiet tone. He didn’t say anything. “Nick I –“he cut me off.

“Stop!” He said raising his voice a little. “It’s too late.” He said with no regret.

I didn’t say a word, but tears stung my eyes. “You decided to treat me like shit and be a complete bitch. I’ve done everything for you Destiny. Everything! And you never once appreciated one fucking thing” He said. I was crying by now.

“That’s not true” I said.

“Des… I’m done, we‘re done. I mean fuck, of course I still love you. I love you so much” He said as he put his hand under my chin and turned my head to look at him. He wiped away my tears. He put his forehead on mine. “You’re the love of my life, boo.” He said softly, and he kissed my cheek. “ButI think it’s time for us to just part ways.”

I was sobbing.

He closed his eyes briefly; I knew what he felt, heart break.

“D stop crying baby, you’re going to marry an amazing guy tomorrow.” He said with a fake smile, “And for me, I’ll find someone… she won’t be you… but I will find someone. We’ll be okay. I promise” He said and he pulled me into hug.

We both stayed quite for a long time, just holding each other. I turned to look him. Tears ran down his cheeks. “Nick?” I said.

“Yes, boo?” He asked

“I can’t do this” I said

“Do what?”

“Leave you"

He didn’t say a word; he just looked away from me.

“Do you want to know the real reason why I said yes to your brother?” I asked. He shook his head

“No not really” He said.

“Well I’m going to tell you anyway, I only said yes to him because I was scared”

He looked at me confused. “What do you mean?” he asked

“I’ve hurt you so much Nick, I have no idea why you even still love me. I was scared you would never want anything to do with me again. I knew you’d never ask me to marry you, we’ve technically been together for 10 years, and not once have you even attempted to, so I thought you hated me, because of how many times I hurt you, and I thought I was doing you a favor, when Joe asked, by leaving you alone"

“Don’t even tell me that right now.” He said. “You seriously don’t think that asking you to marry me has come across my mind?! Baby, I’ve thought about it so many times. I’ve even planned it out before,I just could never bring myself to do it.” He said with hurt in his voice.

“Why not Nick? All I ever wanted was you...” I said

“I don’t know…”

My phone started ringing, it was Joe.

“Answer it.” Nick said. I answered my phone.

“Hey, where are you?” Joe asked

“I’ll be home soon, I’m just with some friends” I said

“I thought you were too tired to go out?” Joe said getting a little heated.

“I really needed to talk to my friend. It’s important. I’ll see you later.” I said and I hung up.

“You should get going” Nick told me. I sighed.

“Nick, I can’t.” I said “I’m leaving tomorrow morning, like you asked me too.” He said.

My heart sank. But I leaned up and kissed him.

“I’m not marrying Joe.” I said. Nick gave a small smile. But then he frowned. “D marry him, don’t hurt him, for me.” He said softly.

I furrowed my brow. “Why would you ask me that?” I asked confused.

“Don’t ask questions”

“No, I can’t marry him, I realized this is all a huge mistake Nick. I need you baby. I need you.” I said beginning to cry once more.

He stood up, and grabbed my hand, pulling me up and he hugged me. “You want me to just stay here, and be with you and marry you?” He asked me

“Yes. That’s all I want.” I said.

“No" He said as tears stung his eyes.

“Why not?” I asked.

“You hurt me, you broke my heart” He said

“Nick, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” I said crying in his arms.

“God, I’m going to regret this” He said.

“Nick, don’t” I said.

He let me go and grabbed my hand walking me to the door. He opened his door and pulled me outside, it was raining. Sucky weather, for a sucky time.

“I’m sorry Destiny” he said as he closed his eyes. “I love you so much” he said, his eyes still closed.

“Look at me Nick” I said

He opened his eyes.

“Go home.” He said.

“You really don’t want me anymore” I muttered.

“I’ll always want you and if you ever need me, I will never turn you away” He said.

“I need you”

He kissed my forehead. I realized it was over. I needed to accept Nick’s decision.

I smiled softly. “Don’t forget to invite me to your wedding” I said. “Bye Nick…” I turned and started to walk to my car.

“D” He called out. I turned around and he grabbed my waist and kissed me as passionately as he could. The kiss wasn’t quick, but it was different than all of our other kisses. It didn’t feel like a ‘goodbye’ kiss… but a kiss that would start a whole new chapter.

He let me go after a little bit, we were both soaking wet. “You’re confusing me Mr. Jonas…” I said.

“I’m confused myself baby.” I said. “I don’t even know what to do anymore.”

“Be with me.” I said. He smirked. “You make it too easy.” He said.

“Let’s start over” Nick said.

“What do you mean? Haven't we tried starting over before?” I asked.

He stuck out his hand. “Hello beautiful, my name is Nick, what’s yours?” He said

He really meant start over; over, after all we have been through. It was somewhat a good, refreshing idea. I smiled.

I shook his hand. “Destiny, but you can call me D.” I said. He smiled.

“Let me give you a ride home.” He said.

“But I drove here…” I said.

“I can drop your car off tomorrow…” he said grabbing my hand and pulling me into his garage. He opened the passenger door for me, and I got in. The door closed behind me, and he got in and started the car and began to drive to my house.

We were sitting in front of my house.

“Nick, are you still gonna leave tomorrow?” I asked

“Shh” he said as he kissed my head

“I’m going to talk to Joe tonight” I said. He shook his head in agreement.

“I’ll see you later?” I asked. He shook his head once more in agreement. I opened the car door and Nick grabbed my hand and pulled me back in the car.

“I love you.” He whispered.

“I love you.” I whispered back

He kissed me softly.

“You’re so confusing Nicholas.” I said.

“No, I’m just a man who is merely in love with a beautiful woman.” He said.

I smiled, and got out of his car. Now for the even harder part…

His brother.