Union

Still August 18th, 2008

Fuck, I just got into a fight with Adrienne. I wish I hadn't of done that. I know she just cares about me.

But anyways she just left; after I screamed at her to get the fuck out. What? She was telling me I need serious help. I'm sorry, it reminds me of how my mom use to call me an institution case all the time.

Wow, am I crying right now? God, what the fuck is with me?! Sometimes I cry, sometimes I forget even how.

'Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.'

Well, even under all this stress, I've been sober since I said I wouldn't drink anymore. Yeah, I'm really proud of myself, and what a time to quit, eh?

Fuck, I'm warping the paper with my tears. But whatever, I can look back at this distorted water damaged paper and think of how my life was once sad. Yeah, once...life will get better. I know it will.

God, I should be the happiest woman alive. I mean look who I'm fucking married to, and the beautiful house we have. I am so fortunate.

Well, I found out the life of 'Tre Cool' is not what I had thought it was. Or at least it was what I thought it was, until I waltzed into his life and wrecked it. Fuck, I'm such bad luck for everyone around me, even to myself. It makes me feel superstitious.

I'm really surprised the cops never bothered Frank and I over the video footage of us in the club. It makes me curious as to why. I mean, the evidence was right there. I don't know, time will tell I guess.

Oh look at that, I'm not crying again. Bone dry.

Frank mentioned being really upset about his wedding band being stolen. I could try and replace the ring for him I guess...it's an irreplacible sort of thing though.

He was drunk when he told me that though. He shares his feelings more when he drinks. But one thing I notice is he gets really angry when he's sobering up, or hasn't dranken for awhile. And his shaking, he even shakes in his sleep. It's like sleeping with someone who is having seizures.

Speaking of 'sleeping with'; Frank and I haven't since the rape. I don't know, I think he's too uncomfortable, and I'm getting horrible flashbacks. I think having sex might make me lose it.

Well, I haven't really been out of the house in a little less than a month. And to put it bluntly, I haven't really left our bedroom. The downstairs foyer, I find going down there too hard.

Yep that's right, I'm becoming a recluse again. I thought my social whoa's had been fixed since moving out here. But nope, I've shut myself off from the world again.

Well, most people hadn't really seen much of me until the footage on television last month. Meaning, they had no idea what I looked like, since I usually exclude myself from publicity events.

Billie told me they now have this stupid 'couple scandal' thing in all the teen mags. They've called us drug addicts and everything else. And they even went as far out as calling me 'Billie Joe's ugly cousin.'

They said I'm not hot, then cut a picture of Frank and I in half, and paired him up with some famous model. I think they think it's unnecessary to make fun of him. They think they are already destroying his career.

I think they think I'm fat or something. They're so sexist; have they checked out the baggage Frank is carrying on him? No...they wouldn't want to point that out.

Okay, I said I was proud of quitting drinking. And I am, I'm very proud. But this whole public, 'make fun of Tre Cool's wife' thing has upsetted me a lot more then I will admit to anyone, even if it's only in Tiger Beat or whatever.

I don't even think I'll write it down in here. It's just something I did as a teenager because I felt bad about my body; I'm starting to do it again.

Fuck, there's Blue all broken up sitting in its case blinking me right in the fucking face everyday. God, Idiot! How the fuck could I forget leaving the case unlocked? I touched the thing way too much.

I know why it happened. Because still after all this time I could not help but open the case up and touch it, again and again. I even secretly plugged it into an amp downstairs in the studio when Frank wasn't home. I know...bad me.

***

Tre walked in the front door of his house in a fit of rage. He slammed the door shut, and walked out to the bar in the living room. He mixed himself a drink and slammed it back quickly. "Fuck..." he sighed as he slammed his glass down on the bars countertop.

"Frank?! Is that you?!" Rose shouted from upstairs.

Tre didn't even both answering her. He mixed himself another drink just before he plunked himself down on the couch and turned on the tube.

Rose was a little worried when no one answered her. So she brought herself to do something that she thought was near impossible.

She slowly made her was downstairs with only the faint sound of the television in her ears. "Frank?" Rose said quietly as she stepped down into the foyer.

Right now her thoughts weren't of observing the room where she'd been assaulted. Her thoughts were of whom else was in the house with her.

Tre still didn't answer her. He just stared blankly at the television. As he was flipping channels he came across a rerun of VH1's Behind the Music: Green Day.

He sat and watched it for a moment before realizing that Rose was now in the room with him. "Frank?" Rose said again.

"Err, what the fuck do you want?! Look it!" he said to her as he jumped off the couch and pointed towards the television.

Rose was a little startled by his sudden outburst but she turned to look at the television. "Behind the Music..." Rose said.

"Yeah! Behind the fucking Music! Fuck! They don't know what the fuck happens behind the music! Oh and guess what?! Your fucking dick cousin canceled the tour!" Tre shouted again.

"That was bound to happen," Rose said.

"Oh thanks Rose...fuck! I can't fucking escape myself! Everywhere I go...err!"

"Frank, calm down," Rose said.

"Fuck! Stop calling me Frank! I've let you call me that for far too fucking long! And no! I'm not going to fucking calm down! You know what I'm going to do?" Tre said as he stood up and kicked the eight thousand dollar television over. It sparked and the LCD screen busted all over the floor.

"No I don't..." Rose gasped as she jumped back from the fallen television. "Fucking stop it Frank! You're scaring me!" Rose said as she shook her head nervously.

"Fuck you Rose! Everything's always about you! Well for once I'm going to do myself a favor. And I don't really care what you think! I'm going to go get seriously fucking drunk, and then I'm going to kill myself!" Tre shouted as he started past her quickly headed back for the front door.

"Frank! No! Don't do this please!" Rose begged.

"Fuck you!" Tre said as he opened the front door went outside and slammed it shut behind him.

Rose reopened the door and chased her husband down into the driveway. "Frank!' Rose screamed as her husband got into his vehicle. She started tapping on the hood of his car in a last desperate attempt to make him stay.

The gate at the end of the driveway was opened and Tre backed up and sped off down the road.

"No..." Rose said quietly as she slowly went back inside the house. She placed her face down in the palms of her hands, while walking back into the front foyer.

"Oh God," she gasped. As she raised her hidden face from the palms of her hands she looked around the foyer. Suddenly it wasn't such an empty foyer anymore. It was full of other people.

Frank was there, with his arms up above his head. And this other guy, he was wearing brown and his face was hidden with a ski mask. She was looking on at herself being raped on the floor near the wall.

"No! God no!" Rose begged as she was forced to bear witness to herself being hurt from the view of another person.

She freaked out and backed away quickly but smashed into the door that was behind her. She turned around in hysteria and instead of seeing the closed door, she saw an open door. And there stood the man in black, he was just about to pull out his gun and point it at her.

"Leave me alone!" Rose screamed as she thought she slammed shut an already closed door and took off up the stairs. "Please don't hurt me!' she said as she tripped and fell on the floor of the master bedroom crying her eyes out in fear.

She covered her head with her arms and didn't want to look up, fearing the attacker was right behind her.

"FRANK! HELP ME! PLEASE!"

***

Tre went to a local bar that night and got extremely loaded. He had plans of killing himself, but in his drunken state felt relief from the stresses of his life. What can one say about a drunk Tre Cool? A drunk Tre Cool is a happy Tre Cool.

He decided to get in his car and drive home at about 1:30 in the morning. He couldn't see the road very well, but some how managed to make it home alive, and without a DUI charge.

Apparently he had forgotten everything about his life. Even the pointless fight he had with Rose earlier that night. Whether or not forgetting was a positive thing remained to be seen.

***

Rose had fallen asleep on the floor of the master bedroom. When she woke up some hours later at about 11:30 PM, she felt confused and moved herself into her bed to go to sleep for the night. The bed felt lonely and uncomfortable with Frank at her side.

When 1:30 AM rolled around, she awoke once again. But this time, it was to some loud noises that she heard coming from the downstairs of her home. She remained in bed listening to the racket someone was making as they walked around the house.

The noise persisted for three hours or more. And all that time, she did not get up to investigate. Little did she know, her husband was downstairs wandering around in the dark like a drunken idiot.

After three, maybe four, long hours of wandering the house Tre found his way upstairs into the bedroom. His alcohol level was subsiding and he found it easier to figure out what he was doing now.

Rose saw a glow from the hallway as light poured into the bedroom through the partially opened door. A shadow, or a silhouette rather, appeared in the doorway. Rose remained still and nervous of the figure lurking in the dark.

The large shadow appeared to move towards the bed. She felt the shadowy form's weight lay down next to her. And as it turned to face the light coming in the door, the form's face was lightened and visible.

"Frank..." Rose whispered.

"Come here," Tre said as he started kissing his wife roughly on the lips.

"We need to talk..." Rose said in deep breath under his kisses.

"No! I want to fuck you," Tre retorted.

"No, not now!" Rose said as she rolled over and turned her back to her husband.

"Come here! You haven't fucked me in forever!" Tre complained as he grabbed her and turned her around.

"We need to talk!' Rose said again as she looked her husband face to face once again.

"Err! All you want to do is talk!" Tre shouted.

"How dare you! Go sleep on the couch!" Rose shouted.

"No! You go sleep on the fucking couch! This is my fucking house! Not yours!" Tre snapped.

"Fine, I will!" Rose shouted as she stole the duvet off of their bed and made her way for the door.

"Give that fucking back to me!" Tre shouted as he got back up from the bed and grabbed the end of the blanket whilst she was carrying it.

She snapped back towards him roughly as he grabbed the blanket. "Fuck! Give me the fucking blanket!" Rose screamed, hurting her vocal chords in the process

"I said come here!" Tre beamed aggressively.

"No! I don't have to listen to you!" Rose screamed again. She released her grasp of the blanket then took off into the hallway.

"You're making me lose my mind, god damn it! Come here!" Tre bellowed as he dropped the blanket to the floor and followed her out into the hallway.

"Have another drink Frank! You obviously need one!" Rose shouted back to her husband as she made her way down the long hallway hurridly.

"How dare you talk to me like that! I SAID COME HERE!" Tre shouted with a deep thunderous voice. He was acting like he'd totally flipped his lid and very out of character for himself. He was acting scary.

"No!" Rose said as she made her way down the long hall, and found herself at the top of the stairs.

It all happened so quickly; Tre ran up to her and grabbed her from behind. Rose panicked and she gasped air that would not hit her lungs.

"I said come here!" Tre shouted with anger, almost in awe by what he was doing but unable to pull himself under control.

"Don't!" Rose cried. "Let me go!"

He turned her around and foolishly and pressed and held her against the wall. He started kissing her as she died for a breath of air. She squirmed under the might of his weight which was firmly planted against her.

As he parted his lips from hers for a moment, with all the built up anger inside her she got the strength to lift his arm to her head level and she bit him.

"Fuck!" Tre shouted as he let her go after a few moments of struggle.

"No! Don't hurt me!" the young raven-haired woman begged her husband and she ran downstairs with hardly an ounce of strength left in her. Her heart raced out of her chest, making her pain everywhere. Through the foyer she ran into the living room, to find the telephone.

Tre didn't dare chase her down now. He stayed upstairs and started crying on the hallway floor, over everything he had done.