She Really Wants

I laid in my bunk of A Rocket to the Moon and The Maine’s bus, holding my stuffed lion cub and listening to my ipod. That was when I saw the curtain of my bunk begin to open. I was half expecting it to be Darlan, but much to my surprise it was Justin. Sighing, I scooted my body closer to the wall. Justin simply smiled and crawled up inside the bunk and laid so his body was facing mine.

“You know I thought these bunks would be bigger, it’s hard to fit two be people in here.” He smiled at me, and I smiled back. Shrugging my shoulders, I hit pause on my ipod; I just stared into his blue eyes. I could get lost in his blue eyes, they were simply mesmerizing. Which I guess was one of things that feed my love or lust, for him.

“Are you ever going to talk to me again? You know this whole arrangement wasn’t my idea Kit Kat. I just wanted to make our folks happy. Not to mention, I want to give you a chance at a good relationship with your mother. Your father to even more proud of you then he already is. I also want to make my mom relieved that her son is getting married; I know she loves you so much. You’re my father’s gem, his lucky gem. Then again, you’re my diamond too. My best friend forever and ever!” Justin had our hands interlaced, as tears streamed down my cheeks.

“Don’t you understand? I have had feelings for you for so many years Justin! I am or was for sure it was love. Then Jessica and the girls started talking, and they said it could be lust that I have for you. Maybe you’re not the one for me; maybe I’m not the one for you. I know you don’t feel the same way I feel for you. It’s so evident with the way you treat me.” I watched as Justin’s facial features altered slightly. I knew he was about to start a fight. Perhaps the words that I let my lips slip out were too harsh. They sort of tore threw my own heart, as well as his.

“You’ve had feelings for me for years and you didn’t tell me? How could you keep something like this from me? I’ve had feelings for you, but you never seemed to show me the light of day. I was nothing like those other guys. Dan, he protected you from yourself. He showed you love; I could never make you laugh like he could. Jake, you guys were in love, don’t you deny it.” Justin stared at me and unlaced our fingers. He put his hand over his face as turned over on his back.

“I mean really? Why didn’t you tell me? This isn’t right!” Justin was now shouting at me, causing me to flinch. Now we knew our friends could hear us, it wasn’t something I wanted or needed.

“Don’t you dare yell at me Richards!” I stabbed my finger into his chest, causing him flinch.

“You kept your feelings from me just as long as I have from you! Maybe even longer, so this too, is your fault!” Growling, I laid on my back . Playing with a stuffed cub, I tried to calm my breathing down.

“No! You have the nerve to fucking tell me you think it could be lust? Just because your stupid foolish, childish, and friends told you different? I don’t know if we can make this work, but I know I’ll put the effort for the sake of my family, unlike you! You’re going to be selfish and make me carry the baggage, like always!” Sitting up and putting his legs outside the bunk, Justin looked back at me.

Tears formed a river falling down my cheeks. He had never called me selfish before in the time we had been friends, and this hurt me badly like a wound dabbed in salt. Soon Justin’s facial features softened and his hand started to reach for my face; until my hand caught his.

“Don’t touch me, don’t talk to me, don’t even look at me! Just leave me alone!” Justin stood up and stood in front of the bunk. He started to make his way towards the main lounge, where most likely everyone was. Before he left, I heard he was sending Darlan back; who was playing cards with John and Garrett.

If it hurts this much, then it must be love.