Addict: Setting the World on Fire
Entry 18
Dear Someone,
I doubt this therapy is going to work, I doubt is very seriously. These monsters, this self-destruction, this… insainity?... I have wanted it all, and now that I have it, I understand the danger I have put myself in. But I have worked so hard to achieved this, even though I don’t really know what ‘this’ is.
But, I am stronger, in a way. Not on the inside, but in appearance. And my demons make me lethal. They make my thoughts race so that I finally just give in. Sad, isn’t it? Tragic, but it’s true.
And it’s because we - I - all of us have worked so hard that this therapy won’t work. I don’t want change. The way I am will kill me sooner or later. It will break me down bone by bone, emotion by emotion. It’s intricate, it’s deadly, it’s… familiar. I like it, Darkie likes it, but it’s so dangerous. I would say I’d like to be as I was, before all this mess, but I wouldn’t be telling the truth.
Shut up, Jessica. Just sit back for now, relax and relapse. Plan your suicide. I’ll take care of the rest. Just relapse.
I doubt this therapy is going to work, I doubt is very seriously. These monsters, this self-destruction, this… insainity?... I have wanted it all, and now that I have it, I understand the danger I have put myself in. But I have worked so hard to achieved this, even though I don’t really know what ‘this’ is.
But, I am stronger, in a way. Not on the inside, but in appearance. And my demons make me lethal. They make my thoughts race so that I finally just give in. Sad, isn’t it? Tragic, but it’s true.
And it’s because we - I - all of us have worked so hard that this therapy won’t work. I don’t want change. The way I am will kill me sooner or later. It will break me down bone by bone, emotion by emotion. It’s intricate, it’s deadly, it’s… familiar. I like it, Darkie likes it, but it’s so dangerous. I would say I’d like to be as I was, before all this mess, but I wouldn’t be telling the truth.
Shut up, Jessica. Just sit back for now, relax and relapse. Plan your suicide. I’ll take care of the rest. Just relapse.