Did You Get What You Deserve?

I dropped my fork and pushed my plate away. Dad glanced up and sighed.

“You have to eat something,” he said.

“I’m not hungry.”

He stood up, walked around the table and knelt down beside me.

“Do you know how I felt before my first gig?” he said softly.

“Nervous?”

“Bloody petrified. You’ll be fine, you have nothing to worry about. Now eat, or you’ll faint halfway through the evening.”

About two minutes and half as many mouthfuls later, the phone rang. I jumped up, glad of the excuse to get away from the table.

“Hello?”

“Is that Alec?”

“Yes.”

“It’s James.”

“Oh, hi.”

There was silence for a moment.

“Did you call for a reason?”

“Oh, right, yeah. I just wanted to let you know we need to be there half an hour earlier than planned.”

Half an hour. That meant we needed to leave in half an hour, which meant I needed to get dressed in fifteen minutes, which meant I could stop pretending to eat.

“Brilliant. Thanks, James, you’ve just saved me from the dinner façade.”

He laughed.

“I know exactly what you mean.”

“You too, huh?”

“Yeah. Well, anyway, I better go. See you there.”

“Bye.”

I hung up.

“We need to be there early, Dad. I’m going to go have a shower.”

He nodded and started clearing the table as I left the room.

Ten minutes later, as I was picking out an outfit, I eyed the guitar in the corner. Underneath my nervousness was a tingling of excitement. This was my first gig.

I braced my arms against the wall and breathed deeply. I could hear the noise of what was obvious a rather large crowd. Word had spread that the children of My Chemical Romance were playing, and the venue had been packed to its two-hundred-person capacity.

“Jesus, Dad, save me.”

I heard footsteps behind me, and without opening my eyes I smiled.

“I think I’m gonna be sick, but let’s do this.”

He laid his hand on my arm comfortingly, and I turned around and buried my face in his shoulder. After a moment, his arms wrapped around me. I sighed.

“I can’t believe I’m about to do this.”

“Neither can I.”

I jumped a mile.

“Shit! James!”

“What?”

“You- but-” my face was hot, and I was glad of the dim lights.

“Who did you think I was?”

“Dad!”

He laughed.

“Jeez, are we really that similar?”

I sputtered angrily at him, but he just laughed again and took my hand.

“Come on,” he said, “we’re all waiting for you.”

As he led me to the darkened stage area, I caught sight of my blue guitar, leaning against the wall. I wouldn’t need it for the majority of the gig, so Dad was looking after it until I did.

I glanced at James and sighed. I should have realised this would happen. Half these people were only here for the fame. I raised an eyebrow at Lindsay, and she shrugged. Matt grimaced and nodded, Sasha made an “I don’t care” face, and James shook his head resignedly. One final glance at Dad, who smiled encouragingly, and I turned back to the microphone.

“Fine,” I said, “we’ll give you bitches what you want.”

I pulled the mic off its stand and turned my back to the crowd.

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“Go!”

Half of them screamed in excitement. Bloody hell. What a bunch of tossers.

“Well if you wanted honesty that’s all you had to say.
I never want to let you down or have you go, it’s better off this way!
For all the dirty looks,
The photographs your boyfriend took,
Remember when you broke your foot from jumping out the second floor...”

They were singing along. Well, most of them. About a quarter of the crowd were just jumping around the same way they had been all evening. Those people didn’t look much older than I was. But there was one... she looked about twenty-five, or maybe a bit younger, and she was standing against the wall, smiling and tapping her foot but not getting into the general excitement. Why was she here? She didn’t look like the type to be into this kind of music. Then I saw Alec weaving his way toward her. When he reached her, he handed her a drink and gave her a peck on the lips. Bing bing bing bing bing! Hear that, Alecsandra? It’s those little alarm bells ringing their metaphorical hearts out at the very notion that Alec could have a girlfriend!

I was jogged back to reality by the sound of James yelling in my ear. I blinked, and realised he was joining in the chorus. Or rather, singing it by himself, as I seemed to have zoned out. I pushed thoughts of Alec to the back of my mind and continued singing.

“I’m not okay!
You wear me out.”

A few minutes later, as the song ended, I walked over to the wall and grabbed my guitar. Slinging the strap over my head, I stepped back as James took the microphone.

“This is our last song for the night. It’s called Never Let Go.” He laughed. “It’s a bit out of Alec’s range, so I’m singing.”

I began the intro, and after a moment James started singing.

“I can’t understand it,
The search for an answer is met with a darker day.
And we’ve been handed these moments forever,
But I’m reassured there’s another way.”

He turned to glance at me, and I faltered for a moment, realising in that instant why he insisted we do this song.

“You don’t have to close your eyes,
There is room for love again.
Ease the pain to realise
All that love can be.
Forced apart by time and sand,
Take a step and take my hand.
And don't let it go,
Never let go.”

I blinked at him. No, surely not.

“Broken, once connected,
We were so strong and so blessed in a simple way.
So don't let me go it alone...

Turn your head up to the sky,
Nothing down below but me.
Face the truth to realize
All that we could be.
Torn apart by rage and fear,
Hold onto what brought you here.
And don't let it go.
Never let go.”

I stepped forward and joined him at the mic, singing the harmony.

“Hold your head up to the sky,
Nothing down below but me,
Face the truth and realise
All that we just could be.”

I felt his hand almost touch my arm, and I danced away, playing furiously.

“Turn your head up to the sky,
Nothing down below.
Don’t let go...”

The crowd cheered, and James bowed, grinning.

“We are The Invisible Invasion! Thanks everyone, goodnight!”

As the lights dimmed and we moved offstage, I threw myself at him, seething.

“You arsehole!”

He clamped a hand over my mouth and waited until everyone had disappeared through the side door before removing it.

“What the fuck, Alec?”

“You- you- I hate you!”

“For what?”

“For that song!”

“What the hell? We’ve been practising that for weeks, and now you take issue?”

“Because you- you...”

He sighed and turned to walk towards the door.

“Alec, we should go. Your dad is probably waiting for you.”

At the door, he paused and turned.

“Alec... there’s just one thing you should know. I’ve never lied to you, ever. I never lied to you about myself, I never lied to you about us, and I certainly never lied to you about Alana. And Alec?”

I looked up from the floor.

“Yes?”

“That song was for you. You know that.”