Let My Heart Rest In Pieces

Let My Heart Rest In Pieces 052

Engraved With Lillies

Was it possible to feel nothing at all, but still feel like you're falling apart? Maybe not, but that was what I was going through right now as I ran frantically through the hospital. I was in pain from exerting myself this much after getting my tattoo, but that sharp pain helped me from falling into some kind of state of nervous breakdown. She wasn't supposed to be this far along in her cancer, it wasn't supposed to be like this.

My breathing was ragged by the time I made it to Gina's room. Drake and his parents were outside, hugging each other close and mourning their soon to be loss. They only looked up when they could hear my shoes coming closer.

"Envy," Drake's mother sniffled, bringing me into a hug, "Thank you for coming. She was requesting to see you, so you better make your way in there before… you know."

I willed my tears to stay in my eyes as I nodded my head, breaking away from the woman's embrace to make my way into the room. It was quiet, all except for the heart monitor that synced to the music of the pale woman's slowly beating heart.

"Gina," I whispered, letting the tears fall at the state she had succumbed to in only a matter of hours. Her skin, which was already pale when she was healthy, was as white at the color of the walls. The only hint of color on her was the dark blue veins that were pulsing underneath her skin. Her hair was no longer the luscious golden mane that it had been before. It was now lying flat against the pillow under her head and was close to a light flaxen in hue. Although, when her eyes opened, they still held the same amount of life in them as they had before. If it was a good sign or not, I wasn't sure of.

"Envy, you came," she breathed out, smiling as big as she could. The woman lifted her hand an inch or so, pointing it straight at me, which was a motion that she wanted me to come to her. I did so instantly and took her fragile hand in mine. It was already starting to get colder and I tried to mute the sobs that were making their way out of my body.

"Shush now child, if I can be calm about this, then surely you can," she reprimanded, giving me a playful stern tone. I managed to giggle through my tears, tightening my grip on Ms. Den's hand.

"You look beautiful dear," she continued, her eyes locked on my Halloween costume. I had completely forgotten that it was a national holiday and that most people were out on the streets with their friends trick-or-treating.

"Thanks," I croaked while Gina continued to smile.

"Halloween was always my favorite holiday. To see all the children dressed up and having fun. It reminds me of my childhood."

"It's my favorite too, but mostly because of the candy."

Ms. Den laughed then, good and hearty, before she went into a fit of coughing. I stroked her hand through it all and tried to ignore the blood that had come during her fit. She wiped the red liquid on her gown, acting like it was every day that that happened. But, for her, it might have.

"I regret not having befriended you sooner Envy. You're like a daughter I've never had. I love you as my own Ms. Moore, and I always will."

"I love you too Mom, I really do."

Tear drops finally started to fall from the woman's eyes but she didn't try to wipe them away. She was going to embrace the last human thing she could do before she died.

"I'm so sorry that you have to lose another mother."

I began to cry harder and Gina's figure was blurred by the water in my eyes. "At least you guys are going to a better place, right? Maybe you'll meet my mom and become best friends."

She chuckled again, although this time it was watery. "Yes, maybe I will. She must be a wonderful woman if she raised…"

I closed my eyes tight to fight the flood that was trying to leave them as the heart monitor slowed and too soon came to the never ending beep that signaled something horrible. The hand that I held in mine no longer clasped around mine, but was limp in my hold.

I didn't really noticed the nurses ushering me out of the room so they could unhook the dead woman from all the machines, nor did I notice that the other family was mourning the loss just as much as I was. All I was truly focused on right now was my own pain and suffering as well as the feeling of my heart breaking to pieces again. How many times could you break something so fragile before it totally turned to dust? I guess I would just have to test that theory out.

The thing that broke through to me was the feeling of masculine arms wrapping around me and bringing me to a hard chest. I looked into the face of Frankie through my tears as he tried to sooth me into a state of calm.

"I'm here Envy, I'm right here," he cooed, rocking me back and forth as my body continued to rack with sadness, "I'm always going to be right here."

~~~~~

The funeral was a small one and it would have been even smaller if my friends and father hadn't been here to support me through a hard time like this. The only other people here were the Adel family and Gina's parents and siblings.

I found it extremely sad that Ms. Den had cut herself off from the rest of the world because of her sickness. If she had showed her true self to everyone then a lot more people would have come. But she had said so herself that she didn't want people to hurt after she was gone.

I was once again relying on the support of Frank as we listened to the pastor read from the bible and bless the soul of Gina as she passed on to the other side. His arm was draped over my shoulder, bringing me close to him, while my head rested on his shoulder. I found that I had cried all the tears I had at the hospital a week or so ago so as of now, I was standing here as emotionless as a robot.

We were all dismissed soon after everyone was done talking and I walked along with my support, not leaving the position that we had been standing in. He rubbed my arm soothingly as we walked to his mom's car, which Frankie had borrowed.

"Are you sure you want to do this? We can just go find some place to relax and-"

"Please Frank, I wanted to," I whispered, looking at the ground as we walked.

"Alright," he sighed, helping me into the car even though I didn't need it.

The ride to our destination was quiet. It wasn't awkward or soothing, just an absolute silence that neither of us had the guts to break. How long was my life going to be like this? How long was it going to take for things to go back to normal?

When we entered the building, the bell chimed above us, signaling that a customer had just entered through the door. Ben was there in an instant, a sympathetic look on his face that he shook away as quickly as he could when I looked at him.

"I have everything all set up over there. Frank, your stuff is ready too."

The boy nodded and reluctantly separated from me, walking over to the tattoo chair that was his. Ben led me over to mine and told me to lie on my side so he could continue where he left off. He was even nice enough to apologize for the pain that I would be in and I couldn't help but smile at how sweet he was.

Actually, the pain was a good wake up call for me. It showed me how numb I had truly been this past week and how I had ignored almost everyone except for Frankie during this time. I couldn't just push everyone away, I had to open back up and try to heal as quickly as possible.

The tattoo took hours to complete because of the size and detail, but we managed to finish it today because Ben had closed the shop to everyone else but Frank and I. Frankie's was finished first because his didn't have any color in it. I complimented on how awesome it looked and he held my hand as we waited for the completion of my tattoo.

"Well, there you are Envy. Two sessions and several hours later, your tattoo is complete. Let me bring the mirror over here so you can see it without hurting yourself."

I watched Ben walk away and was excited to see the finished product. Frank was overlooking it now and had a small smile on his face. "It looks beautiful Envy and it really fits you."

"Okay, just sit up a little bit and you'll be able to see it."

Frankie helped me sit up and I winced at the pain, but it was all worth it when I saw the reflection of the tattoo on my side in the mirror. He was right, it really was beautiful. The whole of it was two pink lilies that took up most of my side along with their green leaves and twisting stems. It was so simple, but also intricate at the same time. Around the petals of the flowers, I had asked Ben to add something for me.

By the top one, in small letters that curved in the shape of the petal, was my mother's name and the date of her death. Juliana Moore-1988. On the bottom in the same fashion read Gina Den-1999.