I Had It All

“Hello? Anyone home? Earth to Alex,” Jack said, waving his hand in front of my face.

“Huh?” I shook my head, ungluing my vacant gaze from the bare wall. “Sorry, I kind of zoned out…”

“Yeah, I kind of saw that. Dude, you’re acting so weird today. What the fuck’s going on?”

Just hearing that question made my heart race and my palms sweat. “I’m going to see Kelsey again tonight,” I answered distantly, thinking of all the possible outcomes of the night. “We’re going to dinner, then seeing a movie.”

“Oh,” he smirked knowingly. “Planning on getting lucky?”

I rolled my eyes. “No, asshole. It’s completely platonic. We’re just friends, just like when you said that two days ago.”

“Sure. Because friends of the opposite sex with history like yours always just go to dinner and a movie and don’t let anything happen.” His eyes rolled, and I wanted to smack him.

“Dick,” I muttered.

“You love me. Don’t deny it,” Jack retorted cheekily, seeming pretty proud of himself.

-------

I paced around the hotel room, bracing myself.

“Breathe deeply,” Kara instructed, walking in behind Rian. “Just breathe in…” She demonstrated a deep inhale, “Then breathe out.”

I obliged, but with no success. “It’s not helping, Kara,” I whined, earning a slap from Rian.

“Don’t talk to my girlfriend like that. Just calm down.” Even though Rian was just joking around, I couldn’t bring myself to say anything.

Glancing at my watch, I noted that I had to get out soon if I wanted to arrive at Kelsey’s house on time. “Okay, I guess I should get going.”

“Remember what I said Alex; just breathe!” Kara called as I walked out the door. Her words ran through my thoughts the entire ride to her house.

Before I turned on the car, I took in a deep breath, rubbed my palms together, and attempted to gather my thoughts. Just as I was about to stick the key into the ignition -

“AHH!” I screeched like a little girl, hearing my cell phone ring from it’s place in the drink holder. All my stress made me zone out and when I heard it ring, I freaked out.

“He-hello?” I stuttered. “Who is this?” I didn’t bother to look at the Caller ID; I wasn’t thinking.

“It’s Kelsey! I just called to ask…did I ever give you my address?”

Why hadn’t I thought of that? I was so worked up over just seeing her that I didn’t realize I had no idea where she lived anymore. “No, I don’t think you did,” I chuckled nervously.

Kelsey laughed at me, causing me to blush, which, thankfully, she couldn’t see. After giving me directions to her apartment, we hung up and I headed over there.

Since she lived in Cleveland, I wasn’t very aware of my surroundings; I didn’t know the streets very well, so I just followed each street sign as I went.

I finally arrived at a home that matched the house number she gave me, and I only hoped that I was in the right neighborhood. Parking in the apartment building parking lot, I went into the building and up the stars to the second floor. After I knocked twice, the silver door handle spun and flew open.

Kelsey popped her head out the door, blocking any view into the rest of the apartment. “Hi, Alex,” she greeted, with a hint of urgency and haste in her voice. “Just, um - just give me a second. I’ll be right out.” She closed the door and I waited, listening to the shuffling and footsteps from across the door.

Within moments, she came back out, a smile plastered to her face. She was dressed modestly, with a white blouse and brown open sweater and a plaid skirt. Just like I remembered her; she could pull off anything, even if it covered her completely. Kelsey had been the first girl I’d ever been interested in who didn’t wear short shorts and revealing tops.

“Hey,” said brightly, shutting the door immediately after stepping into the hallway.

“Hi.” My voice was light and shaky, and I was sure she could tell. “Ready to go?”

“Yep.” We walked down the steps and out of the building in silence, keeping in step with each other. I opened the passenger door for her, allowing her to slide in. Just because I couldn’t date her didn’t mean I couldn’t be a gentleman, right?

“Thanks, Alex,” she said with a smile as I pulled out of the lot.

“It’s nothing,” I shrugged it off. “So we’re going to see a movie first, then we’ll go get something to eat. Sound good to you?”

“Yeah, sounds great. I’m starving,” she laughed. “Hopefully I’m not too overdressed or anything.”

“No, no, you look fine. If anything, I’m underdressed. Besides,” I started, momentarily removing my gaze from the road, “You look really nice tonight.“ Just because she already had a boyfriend didn’t mean I couldn’t tell her she was pretty, right?

When we arrived at the theater, I rushed to her side of the car and opened her door after getting out myself. “You don’t have to do that, you know,” Kelsey teased.

I shrugged my shoulders. “No, it’s fine. Just trying to be polite.”

She smiled softly and we headed inside.

“I’m not really sure what movies are playing…” Looking over the film titles, I didn’t know any of them and the ones I had already heard of didn’t look any good. “You can pick one, I don’t care what we watch.”

“Umm…” Kelsey tapped her finger, scanning the list of movies, completely engulfed in what she was doing. I missed that about her; before she made any decision, no matter how insignificant or minor it was, she always thought twice. Her lips puckered thoughtfully and she squinted her Atlantic blue eyes.

She decided on a movie and I paid for our tickets. “I could have paid for mine,” Kelsey told me quietly.

“No, it’s fine. I’ve got it. Do you want any popcorn or anything?”

“I’ll just wait for dinner,” she replied softly. Suddenly she started to seem distant. Had I done something wrong? Was it something I said?

After the previews ended, the theater lights dimmed until the illumination was only emitted from the screen. Within the first scene, I was already bored and disengaged with the movie, while Kelsey was sitting next to me, eyes transfixed to each frame. At every dramatic scene, she’d gasp and stare thoughtfully at the film; I couldn’t help but laugh. It was so like her to get so enthused with it.

I starting zoning out again, ignoring the movie entirely and trying my hardest to not look to my left. I was sure she wouldn’t have noticed if I started staring at her, since she was so immersed in the film, but I just wanted to be sure. The last thing I would want would be for her to be uncomfortable.

I rested my elbow on the armrest to my left, but pulled back immediately when I felt her arm there already. Kelsey looked at me with wide eyes, finally losing attention with the film. “I’m sorry,” I told her quickly.

“No, no, it’s fine,” she breathed, covering up with a slight smile.

I sighed, leaning my head back, wanting nothing more than to rip my hair out. Why was it so difficult to be around her? Why couldn’t I just treat this like two friends at a movie without us feeling awkward? Of course I still wanted to be with her, but that wasn’t possible. I just wished I could get over feeling that way for her. I still had the dinner to get through.