Second Heartbeat

Purpose Hard to Find

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Well, it is the end of January and I am now 3, almost 4 months pregnant. My birthday on the 1st was bittersweet. It was so sweet because Matt got me two shirts. One said, “I’m making a human. What did you do today?” and the other one that showed a thought bubble over the belly and said, “If that’s my family I hear out there, I’m not coming out.”

The only bad thing about these shirts is that my belly isn’t big enough yet, I only have a slight bump but Dr. Montgomery assures me that I will be more weight soon. He also got Baby Deathbat a little onesie that said, “Hardcore”, it is so cute, and I know that he/she will love it.

My birthday was also kind of sad because it was my 21st birthday and the boys promised me that on my 21st birthday they would take me clubbing and I could have my first drink but, since I am pregnant, that didn’t happen. But, you know what? That is ok, Baby Deathbat is more important than drinking alcohol.

Today is another bittersweet day for me. Today Matt and the boys have decided to go to our cabin up in Big Bear to try and get away from everything to focus more on their album. Matt said that he feels that there is way too much pressure from everyone, except from me, to do everything perfectly. He promised me that he and the boys would be back by Sunday night. They are leaving this morning, right after breakfast.

switch to Matt’s POV

Today Brian, Jimmy, Johnny, Zacky and I are going to Ashlyn and I’s cabin in Big Bear. Do I want to leave my pregnant wife? No, but the stress of everyone else has finally gotten the best of not only myself but the whole band. I promised Ashlyn that we would only be gone until Sunday night. I know she will miss me and I will miss her, but like I told her,

“it is for the best right now.”

When I woke up at 8:30, Ashlyn was already up, but I heard the shower going. I went into our master bathroom and then stripped and surprised her in the shower. She didn’t jump but instead relaxed against my chest when I put my arms around her growing stomach. I knew we couldn’t do any “funny business” but that was only because I had to get on the road and it would be so much harder to leave her if we had sex.

I noticed that she has already started putting in her maternity belly button rings, even though Baby Deathbat has yet to make his/her appearance known, which meant Ash's belly was still pretty flat.

We made out for a while, but not for too long, I did not want to take a cold shower on purpose just yet especially when I have my sexy wife right in front of me, I would be doing that at the cabin, when she isn’t with me, I am sure.

When we got out, she quickly got dressed in her white Ed Hardy© yoga pants and a white tank top. I got dressed in black athletic pants and a Ghostbusters t-shirt. I made myself breakfast while Ashlyn took her pre-natal vitamins and drank some green tea.

She told me that she doesn’t get morning sickness that bad but in the mornings she does feel a bit queasy.

Well, after breakfast, I said good bye to the dogs and then finally got my bags and held Ashlyn’s hand as we walked to the garage. I opened the garage door, pulled my car out to the drive way and then stopped the car so I could say good bye to her.

“Ashlyn, you know I don’t want to leave you, but you know that right now it is for the best that I just get away from Huntington and Los Angeles.”

“Yes, Matt, I know. Even though I don’t like it, I will make it through. Plus I have to remember, that you will be going on tour in the fall and by that time Baby Deathbat will be here and I won’t get to go with you.

Think of this as ‘training’ for tour, you will be spending at least 2 weeks and even then, we aren’t sure if we can join you. One thing is for sure though; we are making SURE that we visit you when you perform on Halloween, because it will be Baby Deathbat’s first holiday and Halloween.”

“You are right baby, I need to keep that in mind, and I just cannot imagine that right now. I know I have no clue what it will be like when Baby Deathbat gets here, I know it will be hard to leave you alone with the baby. But, with the boys’ support, your phone calls and videos and God’s help, we can do this. I love you Ash.”

“I love you too, Matt.”

As soon as she said that I kissed her and of course, I had to deepen it and add my tongue to the mix. I put my hand on her waist and pulled her a little bit closer to me. After about a minute we had to stop and catch our breaths.

When I looked in her eyes, I saw tears already falling on her cheeks, how had I not noticed them when we kissed?

“Ashlyn don’t cry baby, I will be back before you know it.”

“I know Matt, but I will miss you so much.”

“Oh baby, I will miss you too, and you, Baby Deathbat. I love you both.”

“I love you too Matt, see you Sunday.”

“Sunday, dinner time, can you make me my special meatloaf?”

“Sure thing baby…it will be waiting for you when you get home, just call me when you are about an hour away so it will be ready for you.”

With that, I got into the car and blew her a kiss and I could see her starting to cry again, damn those pregnancy hormones. I picked up all of the boys and we were on our way to Big Bear.

later that night

Well, the boys and I have been talking all night long and Jimmy has even written a song that sounds great so far but we have no clue if we even want to use it or not for our album. The lyrics are a little Edgar Allan Poe’s “Tell-Tale Heart”ish, which means it is very twisted, but at the same time it is amazing.

The boys have gone to bed and I am still awake thinking about what Ashlyn said,

“Just think of this as ‘training’ for tour, you will be spending at least 2 weeks and even then, we aren’t sure if we can join you.”

It broke my heart to know I would have to leave Baby Deathbat at only 3 months old but I had no other choice, this was my career we are talking about.

I suddenly put myself into the future and imagined myself on tour without Ashlyn and Baby Deathbat.

Soon I was writing at a fast pace but could still read the words. Once I was done, I looked them over and was completely satisfied and went to sleep.

Fast forward to Sunday, January 28, 2007

The boys really liked what I had written down and soon we were thinking of it not just as thoughts that I would have when I left Ash and Baby Deathbat but as a song that we could use on the album.

This made me even happier, because that way, I could let Ashlyn and even Baby Deathbat hear my thoughts on leaving them and how much it hurt me. This song could be a snapshot into my life right now.

We left the cabin around 3:00 P.M. and are now on our way back to Huntington. I called Ashlyn around 4 to let her know that we are about an hour and a half away.

switch to Ashlyn POV

“We are about an hour and a half away baby, see you soon, and I love you”

Oh my gosh, I cannot wait. I quickly ran downstairs to start on Matt’s special meatloaf. I got all the ingredients and then put the meatloaf into a loaf pan and then set it to bake for 55 minutes.

About 30 40 minutes later I decided to make the potatoes and then once I made those, it was time for the meatloaf to come out. I took out the meatloaf and then spread the potatoes on top and then sprinkled shredded cheddar cheese on top and then put it all back into the oven for 5 minutes.

Once that was done, I put the oven on “warming” so it would stay warm enough to keep the food warm but not too hot as to burn it.

I also quickly made some steamed broccoli and then put that also in the warming oven. Now all that was left was to wait on Matt.

At 5:33 P.M., I heard Bella barking like mad, which could only mean that someone was driving up the driveway. I dropped What to Expect When You Are Expecting and ran outside to meet Matt.

Our garage is behind our house and since that is the case, I could sneak up behind him and surprise him when he got out of it.

I saw him get out of the car and then get his suitcase out and then he turned around and saw me and I swear I saw him smile so big that I think Grammy and Papa saw it all the way in North Carolina. I ran towards him and he ran towards me and then we stopped just short of running into each other. He looked at me and said,

“I missed you so much baby…”

“Shut up and kiss me Matt,”

And he did, we started to make out for a good 2 minutes before I heard his stomach growl.

Then we pulled apart and I said,

“Well, I guess I am not the only one who is hungry huh?”

“You have no idea Ash, I felt like we weren’t going to survive because we are such horrible cooks.”

“Well, let’s get you inside, I know how to cure that. Plus there are some people who really missed their Daddy.”

“Oh, stay right here.”

Then he dropped down to put his head near my stomach and said,

“Hi Baby Deathbat, it’s me, Daddy, I really missed you this weekend but don’t you worry, I am here now.”

And with that we walked back to the house and ate our dinner, talked and then went to bed.

Matt seemed so excited about something but he would not tell me what it was, all he said was,

“We worked on some songs for the album and one of them is really personal to me and I cannot wait to share it.”

What does that even mean? If it is personal why would you share it? Does he not want to share it with me or is it another “surprise”? Matt sure does love giving me “surprises” but I wonder what this one will be like.

♠ ♠ ♠

You should all know what song Matt is talking about here but he wants to surprise Ashlyn with it, so he won't tell her for a while.

Links!
Birthday Gifts!
Big Bear
Cabin in Big Bear (Elegant Manor)
Matt's Special Meatloaf Recipe (Ashlyn used shredded cheese instead of the singles)